Sad about breast feeding?

Question

I got pregnant and said I was going to bottle feed untill I read the advantages to breast feeding. Bought the pump, nursing bras, pads, milk bags ,and containers for storing the bags in the freezer. I was all ready. My daughter was born and the Doc said she was tongue tied. they clipped her skin under her tongue and she wouldnt latch on to the breast and I pumped. i tried and tried to get her to latch on. The breast feeding consultant came to my house twice and nothing. i pummped untill yesterday. Im only producing 4 oz milk every 4-6 hrs. Ive tried pumping more and nothing. Ive gave her breast milk for 2 months and now that shes eating more i have to put her on formula. Im really sad because I had to feed her from a bottle and now Im giving her formula. why is it so easy for some people. When Im in the store buying formula I feel guilty. They look at me like Im a bad person for buying formula.

No I dont have postnatal depression. I love my daughter with all my heart. Im sad because I missed out on this bonding experience. My brothers wife had her first child and it latched on right away. My cousin had her little boy 2 days ago and I walked in and she was feeding him. Thats prob why Im sad cause I couldnt do it. If I was depressed I dont think I would pump my breasts for an hour and a half just to get 4 oz of milk. Everyone is saying supply on demand. It isnt working. I have pumped and pumped and it still isnt producing no more. It started at first only about an ounce then 2 and it took 5 weeks to get to 4. Im gonna continue giving her my milk but Im going to have to use formula too. I know what Im doing I just dont know what my breasts are doing. Im trying really hard to be patient. I have a Medela Pump in style.

Answer 1

I’m in the same boat as you are. Had lactation consultants come in and nothing worked. The difference is that my baby just had a problem latching on and never learned. She is now 6 month and I still pump and feed. Don’t give up you made it through 2 month you can probably do it some more. Milk really does work on supply demand curve. The more demand there is the more supply will be, it’s just that when pumping it takes longer to get the demand up to supply.
What kind of pump do you use? I have been advised and use Ameda Egnell Elite. This is a professional pump that is a bit pricey but does deliver what it promises. You can buy them on eBay or rent them from a pump rental place, there is another great pump Ameda Lact-E that thing is a monster, it is used to increase milk supply, it will hurt your nipples like hell but it will give you 1 extra oz per day first week. I was able to increase my milk to 3oz extra per day with it in 2 month. Pump more often, every 2-3hours and pump right before you go to sleep as well as first thing in the morning. Drink Fenugreek seed supplements. These are available at Whole Foods or online. Drink mother love more milk plus supplements available online and sometimes at Whole Foods. Drink mothers milk tea also available at Whole Foods. Drink half or one bottle of dark beer that has malt in it, you can also by non-alcoholic beer, or drink malt shakes. Join a Milkshare group on yahoo where you can find some one to donate their breast milk to you. Freese as much as you can each day. You don’t have to do all of them, these are just some options that you can do to increase your milk supply.
You can also do both breast milk and formula.
If you feel like you can’t do it anymore don’t feel bad. You tried all that you could and you gave your daughter the best start she could get. Some mothers don’t even try. I thought that I would never make it to 6 month, but it becomes easier once the baby starts on solids, they don’t need as much milk and can have water as well.
I actually think I can make it up to 12 month (fingers crossed).
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you use formula. It is better to use formula and have both the mother and the baby healthy and happy than have a half hungry baby and a mother that is always blaming herself for not having enough to feed her little one.
One more trick for you if you do decide to continue breastfeeding. Give your breast to the baby when she is sleeping. Sucking is a natural reflex and she will suck on the nipple, she might not get allot to eat (this is not what it is for) but she will make you get a let-down which will stimulate milk production. You can also try doing this as a feeding technique during the night. I started doing this and now my baby nurses during the night. We are working on doing it during the day, but I don’t think it’s going to happen because she is already 6 month old. If she is wide awake and I hive her the breast she just plays with it not knowing what to do or how to suck on it, but at night she is an expert nurser.

**The Medela Pump in Style is not a great pump for a mother that is pumping to keep and increase her milk. The Pump in Style is a pump for an occasional pumper that both breastfeeds and pumps. If you still want to try rent a Ameda Lact-E, that’s a pump that is made to increase milk supply for a mother that pumps exclusively, it’s the only pump on the market designed to do that. It is also one of the cheapest pumps to rent.
I know how you feel about missing out, I wish I could just pop the breast out and my baby would start feeding, but we can’t have that. I found different ways of bonding with her. Through play and attention, she gives me the biggest smiles and the biggest hugs, and I’m pretty sure she loves me the most :o)
No matter what don’t feel bad.**

Answer 2

The pressure that goes along with being a 'good' mum and 'doing the best' for your baby is unbelievable.
You have soldiered on through unforseen circumstances when an awful lot of people would have simply started off with formula, a new baby is tiring, but putting yourself through the routine of pumping methodically must have been exhausting. You have done 2 months which is actually longer than the majority of people who successfully breastfeed do! I think the average is something like 6 weeks.
Feeding your baby is ony one aspect of child care you have done a fabulous job so far, and will continue to do so, formula is not a sign that you have failed, simply that your breastfeeding journey has come to a premature close.
Ignore the feeling that people are looking at you like you are a bad person, the only people who will see you putting it in your trolley is other people buying it for their babies!!
You have succesfully breastfed for 2months, maybe next time without the problems youhave experienced this time you will be able to carry on until you feel ready to stop.
Don't worry,you are doing GREAT!!

Answer 3

Remember, you would be a bad mother if you didn't FEED your baby, period. Some women, believe it or not, cannot breastfeed. I know all the lactation consultants will say they don't try hard enough, but that wasn't true in my case. I had guilt trip after guilt trip put on me with my oldest, I finally went to the doctor who told me that because of my hormonal issues that contributed to my infertility, I probably wouldn't be able to produce much breast milk, to give the child formula, and to not stress it. I remember the pediatrician had me pump one feeding--just to see what my daughter was getting from me--it was 2 ounces of what looked like watered down skim milk!!! And that took almost an hour to get!!

So don't feel guilty, please don't feel guilty. There's so much to feel guilty over when you're a new mom, trust me you won't damage your child over any of it. I did so many things with my kids that the "experts" say not to do, and they're just fine, well as fine as 13 and 17 year olds can be...LOL You're the mother, you know what is best for your child. Just enjoy that baby, I can tell you from personal experience, they're not sweet and little like that for nearly long enough!

Answer 4

Yes, Don't feel bad! You are not a bad mother for this. Everyone is different, some just can't produce enough milk period!! You did your best to try out everything! Good for you!! :) At least u tried, there are some ppl that are just like nahh i think that will be too much work, But they don't even try it!! I questioned myself a few times during pregnancy, but said I'm going to try it.. my daughter is 2 months, and I still bf.. regardless sometimes I had to supplement due to a cutback of milkflow for some reason. So don't give up, just try to keep pumping a bit, concentrate an give them a good massage b4 pumping, drink lots of water, & soup. Anything nourshing.. try some heat on them too! And make sure u try with ur next baby! Congrats on ur little girl :)
take care!

Answer 5

Almost the same story here. My son couldn't latch on either. Spent $255 on a Medela PnS too. I started pumping exclusively when he was 2 months old (this was After he wasn't gaining weight but in the 5th percentile for his first 2 months of life, he was skinny, I didn't know any better and his doc kept telling me it was "Ok"). I too had supply problems, I was only able to pump ONE OUNCE out if I waited 3 hours to pump. I went to a lactation consultant too, and she said:

*take fenugreek... You can buy it in the health food store. Eat them like they're tic tacs. You'll know you've had enough when you smell like maple syrup.
*Pump Every Two Hours around the clock (yes, even at night) for 48 hours, about the same time you start taking the fenugreek. Yes, the whole supply and demand thing... I know you've heard it all.

Basically, when my son was the same age as your daughter, things got REALLY hard for me, and I broke down and wept about it MANY times. If you have to go formula, do it, don't feel guilty. That's what it's there for, so babies won't starve because of breastfeeding problems. It's the modern equivalent of a "wet nurse" from back in the day.

Now, my son is 5 months old. He actually latched himself on one day, and now he breastfeeds first thing in the morning when I'm really full. I still give him bottles of milk because I'm so super paranoid about him not getting enough straight from me. It's a big stressor, it can take over your life... If exclusive pumping is WAY too much for you to handle, or your supply is dwindling and you can't or don't want to bring it back, just let go, sigh and say, I am doing the best for my baby. And you being a calm and happy mama is important too. So if you're weeping every time you pump, and you're weeping everytime you buy formula, that's not good for you sweetie. You care about your baby, you want what's best for her. And I understand that frustration, that feeling of "HOW COME IT WAS SO EASY FOR ____??" It really feels unfair. But no matter what you do, you have to allow yourself to agree with it. You have to get to that point where YOU feel like it's ok. And for those people that looka t you like you're a bad person for buying formula, there's an equal number of people that think you're a bad person for putting your boob juice in your baby, for giving/not giving a paci, for picking/not picking her up when she cries, for.... Ahh, you get the idea. It's YOUR baby, do what's best for YOU and HER. and fuc.k everybody else. :)

Answer 6

That's an awful thing for her to say! But I was just wondering -- you're not very far into your pregancy and you've already decided not to breastfeed? I was uncomfortable with the whole idea of it too when I was pregnant, although I wanted to give it a try. If you're able, it really is one of the best things you can do for your baby. And once you and the baby are comfortable with it, it's the easiest way you can feed the baby also. You have no bottles to warm up, you don't have to worry about taking any with you when you're out and about. If I were you, I wouldn't decide just yet. But I totally agree, that was way out of line for her to say.

Answer 7

Don't feel bad. Part of parenting is getting over what other people think of you. If you think this is bad wait until the looks you get when your child throws a tantrum in a public place. You are doing the best you can. That is what matters. No parent is perfect. If you can't feed her the perfect food, be perfect at whatever you can and the rest will fall into place. You need to look at this as a chance to learn to get over your insecurities when it comes to being a parent. Find some humor in it. I know it's hard, I was heartbroken when I found out I couldn't breast feed my 3rd child but we've survived.

Answer 8

you can still bond with her when you bottle feed her. she still looks at you in the eye and make sure is this mommy? Just enjoy what you have because there are many mothers who loose their child at birth and not get to experience what you are very blessed withl. Enjoy what you have not what you didn't have. As long as she is healthy and eats well . It has nothing to do with you not bonding because when you hold her you already bonding and she's already greatful she just can't tell you but she'll let you know with a smile or a look in the eye. Focus on what you have and not what other mothers get to do. You have to stay positive and teach your child the same to keep focusing forward not backwards. Kids focus on tomorrow while we parents focus on yesterday. It's okay to feed from bottle she still get's her nutrients. You can help other mothers who don't have too much money by giving your pump and all the nursing neccesities away to mothers who can't afford and this will make you feel good. If you are producing 4 oz it's better than nothing. Be greatful for that. Others are dry and can't pump anything at all. Good luck and keep moving FORWARD =) don't giv up on breast feeding like everyone says. don't listen to the negatives on her. It's only going to make you more sad. People only look at you this way because of how we think of ourselves. The sooner you feel positive and better about yourself the sooner you'll feel better and people won't have to look at you that way. If they say something let it go they don't have the right to tell you how to raise your child. You don't know it but when you look down on your child while bottle feeding she'll look up and give you a look that she is greatful for a mother like you because you try and try and try your best and your hardest to give her what you can. =) remeber our brain and what we say and hoe we think is what brings us down an up also. =)

Answer 9

You are doing the right and best thing you can - don't feel guilty as they are judging you with out having any background - time will fly and your baby will be moving onto solid food and growing up - my wife had complications as well - it made worse as we are both health professionals and advocate breastfeeding - but it happens - work with your spouse to be supportive as well as close family - they are more understanding and it will help ease any guilty feelings you have - stay focused about giving you baby the attention she needs - physical contact and stimulation for her future growth and before you know it she's walking, talking and being cute and the people in stores will focus on that

Answer 10

Don't be too upset abt it. You have tried your best. Formula nowadays are not too bad as well. But of course I think breast feeding is the best.
I hope I can give my son breast milk when he's born in Aug. On the other hand, I'm oso worried that he's not fed well. As in I have no experience with it.
It will be nice if you can gif me some advises.
Thanks =)