Do I catch him red handed?

Question

Okay here's the thing...I Stumbled across a web site that my husband visits daily...It's kinda like myspace but it's directed toward xxx adults. I'v always felt that he was cheating and this just took me back a step...It's not as if it's someone from his job that he has genuine feelings for...This is just any ol' hooker on some cheap site ..So I came up with the idea to set up a fake account to see if I could get him to talk to her...sure enough he has...He has no idea that this girl he thinks wants to sleep with him is really me, his wife... "they" have been chatting for over two weeks and he wants to see her this weekend...My question is...Has he already crossed the line? Or do I set up a meating to see if he shows...And to his suprise He will learn that it has been me all along? Just to add... I'm level headed...so this encounter will not be a domstic dispute.

Answer 1

Oh yes, you need to go through with it. If you don't, he will try everything he can to deny it and get out of it...If I were you Id have him meet at a restaurant, before walking in to meet him, Id call him see if he answers, if he does act like you need him to get home right away just to see what he says. Either way, answer or not, then go in and sit down at the table with him. I have no idea how you can be level headed about something like this, you are way better than I am, thats for sure. Anyway, you have to keep me posted I'd love to know what happens with this!! Good luck to you!! I wish you the best.

Answer 2

Yes, you should do it. If he's trying to cheat on you you need to know. He may have met other people before you, and even if he doesn't show, that doesn't mean that he won't the next time someone invites him. He may just be overly cautious this time. And yes! He has already crossed the line, there would have been a "domestic dispute" at my house 2 weeks ago! He's agreeing to meet a girl that he met on a xxx chat room?! Dump him before he brings you home a disease.

Answer 3

If you just show up at this meeting spot then he could say that he was just meeting a friend for coffee, just meeting with a friend to talk and that's it, or some crap like that. Is there any way you could have a girlfriend of yours meet him there and actually make out with him a little or something and then you could jump out and bust him? Now THAT would be red-handed. You'll also want to get it on tape because that way when you take him to court for a divorce, you'll have your friend as the witness and a videotape showing him being unfaithful. You'll definetly get whatever you want in the divorce that way. Any way my guess is that he has been cheating on you using this website all along, but to really bust him and catch him red handed you'll need to be creative. Most likely he will deny it all unless you have concrete evidence. Good Luck, and good work!

Answer 4

Since the situations varies greatly, it needs different approaches. But generally speaking, if you are caught red handed, then just deny will not do you any good since you were caught. So, you need to come up with an explanation quickly and sticking to it no matter how stupid it sounds. Then, you can deny, deny, and deny. Lay low and blaming others are not advisable because ,once again, you were caught. Lay low will make you look like you did it on purpose and blaming others will just make you look more guilty. Sometimes, you should admit your guilt but you still need to offer an explanation because the other person needs a closure. So, as long as you can help him/her to move on, then he/her will forgive you. But the best advice of all is do not get caught.

Answer 5

Yes! And keep records and bring a camera!

I am not one to advocate for giving up on a marriage that quick, but there is HIV, herpes, warts, all kinds of things you can get form his extracirricular activites. Can you imagine all the thoughtless sex that occurs from those meetings. Even just "any 'ol hooker." And a condom dosent protect against half of these things. Condoms give very little protection against HPV, which, what, 1/4 women have, and it can cause cervical cancer (especially if you are not looking for it)

This man is endangering your life. Think about your life, and if you have children, where would they be without you, before you think about forgiving him.

Think about it! I knew a woman who worked at an AIDS hospice. She gave care to many, many innocent wives in the last days of their lives. It is a slow and painful death.

Answer 6

I can only imagine how this makes you feel. I would be totally devastated to say the least! What a dissapointment and let down. This is all you hear about these days. None of us truly knows what our spouse can be doing when the net makes cheating so available. This also not to long ago happened to my neice.She confronted him after much investagation and caught him before anything had got started. Her feelings about him have changed, and she looks at him differently now. They are still together but, I think in the long run her mariage in due time may break up over it eventually. Her trust is gone and she is always suspicious about him, and I can't blame her.Cheating always starts in the mind,and is a thought out process.He set himself up for temptation and now you know that it is in him to do it. Plus he has given you every indication to believe and wonder what he has done before behind your back. I agree with everyone on here that believes you need to catch him red handed. You almost have to prove to him that you know how far he would go to betray your marriage. To think that the person we love would decieve us like that is so emotionally heart breaking, but you have to protect yourself with all the std's out there! I am so sorry that you are going through this and I empathize with you in everything that you are feeling. Don't let him get by with any excuse for this because this is your life he is messing with. What you are up agaist here is going to take a lot of courage and strength to say the least. I am sure he is going to try to make up all kinds of excuses for his behavior, but don't accept it. When he is caught you will know what you will have to do. Take Care of yourself ........this is a very big one!

Answer 7

I would set up the meeting. If he takes the actual steps to go then you know that he is really motivated to cheat. If that is the case, then he is going to do it sooner or later anyway so I would dump him on the spot. If he is a no show then you know that he is all talk and just wants to have his little fantasies. If that is the case then I would confront him with it so that you nip it in the bud to prevent him from cheating in the future. Talk him into counseling. Good Luck either way.

Answer 8

You opened this by stating that you've always felt your husband was cheating on you.

It seems you must be relatively comfortable with that or you would have left already, right? Are you taken back enough now to send him packing?

I would only show up at the romantic rendevous to hand him divorce papers - that would be a pretty classy exit.

Answer 9

I answered a question advising something just like this.
I would have a female friend meet him or have her tell him where to meet her and what she'll be wearing.
Then when you go there and have a good reason to, ask him why he's there. Watch him squirm. Or you can see how far he'll take it with her and stay in hiding.
Also you can have a male friend if you decide to go there waiting for you, not to cheat with, but to see his reaction. Or you could have the female friend not wear what she said she would and have her watch out for him. If you feel like you have to be there, you can be disguised. And if you feel like you must, confront him.
Or just see how low the snake creeps under his rocks.

Answer 10

being into porn is one thing! I don't know if my husband is into it or not, I don't bring it up and I choose not to know! However, actually chatting with another female and arranging a time to meet is WAY past the line! Obviously if he has set up a time tomeet, he has no second thoughts about cheating on you-HIS WIFE! Whether he shows or not isn't the issue now, he has already gone through with setting up a time, so who' to say that because he doesn't show this time, he hasn't in the past and won't in the future! I'm sorry but it's WAY over hte line for me!
Like I said, watching porn is one thing, but acting on it and chatting with other females is another story! Watching porn is semi-harmless in my eyes, because he isn't out talking to other females or online talking to them, he's just watching stuff in the privacy of our home while I'm not there! But as I said, talking and making arrangements to meet is another ballgame completely!
I feel for you and I don't envy your situation good luck and stick with your choice!