should I tell him I know?

Question

I know my husband is cheating on me, but I have mastered this plan to save up as much money as possible before I let him in on my plans to divorce him. We have 2 small children and i'm far away from friends and family... I'm just curious if this is deceptive/misleading? I have 100% no desier to sleep with him ever again... I just want to this all to be over and done with so that we can both move on...Should I tell him I now...Or should I just bite my tounge untill I'm fully prepared to leave?

Answer 1

no. you are smart because it is probably the quickest and only way you will be able to leave him. which is what you need to do.

Answer 2

If you are positive of the facts and are sure that you are emotionally ready to go, then you should. I do not believe that it is being misleading on your part to try to prepare yourself financially before you go. He broke the vows and must take responsibility for what has happened. Sadly, they do not always do this. It is very hard to build trust back up and move on in a relationship once the trust has been broken. Not to say that it is impossible, but if you're heart is not in it 100% then it is probably not going to work out anyway. Better to prepare yourself and move on in a mature and cautious way then to let resent and other emotions lead you to hasty actions that will end up punishing you. You are not the one who is responsible for the situation that you currently find yourself in. I don't think there is anything wrong with doing what you have to do from this point on to allow you to continue on with your self-respect, dignity, and sense of security. I wish you all the best.

Answer 3

Don't worry about being misleading to him! He's cheating on you, and his whole family!

Save up the money you need, and leave while he's not home. Leave the divorce papers on the bed, and don't look back. Just move on.

Answer 4

Continue to save money, and don't tell him. He is being deceitful by having the affair. You say you are far from friends and family, so you will need that extra money to help yourself immediately. Just don't take the kids out of state or that could be deemed kidnapping, and that's not good for a custody case. Therefore, it's best that you have money saved up to stay put for a while.

Answer 5

When you are fully prepared to leave, just do it. Serve him with the divorce papers when you're away. You're worried about being deceptive? Look what he has done to your marriage? Just do what you have to do to take care of yourself and your children. That's all that should matter to you right now.

Answer 6

Keep quite for now.

Hoard as much money as you possibly can. Set a dead line. six months at least sounds reasonable to me.

Collect as much evidence as you can about his affair. Get a really good attorney. Check around for one...

Make your plans have them all ready to go BEFORE you let him know you know. Even IF you have to sleep with him .... He is being the total jerk of a cad... While it is self serving, use him only for the physical pleasure. No emotional attachment.

Act the perfect wife.... Then when you have what you need to make your way away from him. Spring the trap and soak the sucker for all you can get out of him.

Answer 7

you should save as much as you can before you tell him, as long as you can stomach the pain. hopefully he doesnt snatch the money and leave with her before you can get out. keep the stash in a safe deposit box at a bank neither of you use so he wont know.

i am really sorry you are going through this pain, i hope you can find a support group to help you work through all the pain once you leave, cuz even though you are doing the leaving, there will still be guilt and shame and abandonment issues and you will tell yourself somehow its your fault the marriage didnt work and its not always true, they say every time we lose something we go through a grief process, anything from a favorite pair of gloves to the death of a loved one. and marriage falls in there too.
please, take care of you and if you or he children are in ANY DANGER, get out.

lifting you on eagles wings,
lily

Answer 8

Do you really "know" that he is cheating? Have you considered counseling? You have two small children who need both parents. Whatever you do, try to consider them first. No matter how much money you stash away, it won't be enough to live on. Why don't you think about getting a job so if you really do end up leaving or making him leave, you'll be able to take care of your children. Being a single mom isn't easy. I think you should talk to him. You loved him enough to have children with...be honest with him now, if you expect him to be honest with you. Good luck to you, your husband and children.

Answer 9

Why are you concerned with being deceptive and misleading? Isn't that what he is doing to you? As long as you can bear it, stay with him until you have saved up enough to get yourself and the kids out of there easily. If you just can't bear it anymore, let him know and get out!

Answer 10

Bite your tongue until fully prepped.
If he's thrown a curve ball at you, why should you give him your life information, especially if he didn't care enough to be a part of it. Do what you need to do and then tell him. Just make sure you have an excuse for not being intimate. Sounds like being intimate with him is like playing Russian Roulette.

Answer 11

well if you tell him then you might be in the lurch in a pinch so to speak. but he has to pay for his kids. well first off you should get a job if you don't have one already. start the paperwork and there are places that help parents to get back on their feet. don't forget to get tested for STD just to be sure. Is your husband abusive if he were confronted with this would be fly off the handle and get violent with you? if not then tell him but you might have to stay at a shelter or with a friend. but he can move out while you find a place of your own.