we had been together for 11yrs and have 3 kids. & 7 mths slater we reconciled and moved to the US for a fresh start. The problem is that I really miss my sister and family and he refuses to speak to them or have them for a visit as he feels they spoke bad of him during the 7mths.(lots said) He is very angry and vows never to see them again. I dont know if I can live with this. I am still trying to trust him and feel I am the one who is being punished. We have a good life here the kids are happy but I dont know if its enough for me? Is that selfish, should I stay put & for the kids give them the life they deserve or do I go home to my family who love & support me?? Do I love him enough now? I am so confused.....
2007-04-20 15:48:03 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its all up to you . What do you need ? If your miserable then so is your family . Speak to your husband get it strait or its going to take you and your family down to places you never seen or would want to be.
2007-04-20 15:59:58 · answer #1 · answered by dad 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is angry over something said by your family, that's understandable. However, he has no right to deny you access to them. They are your family and if you want to see them, that's your right. Just tell your husband that he has to let you see your family. Sure, they may have said some things, but considering the situation at the time he needs to accept that and move on. Tell him that you don't expect him to spend time with them, or engage them in friendly banter, but that you do expect him to be polite when they call or come down. If he's going to completely refuse you access to your family, what's next?
Good luck.
2007-04-20 23:05:19 · answer #2 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a simple case of divide and conquer on your husbands part. You on the other hand already live for your kids, so why not be happy while doing it. If you are in an unhappy situation, its not healthy for you or your kids and believe me "It will have an effect on them"!
So while you decide whether or not you can trust your hubby and whether you want to leave or stay .................. don't forget to do what is best for the kids.
p.s. Them having all the luxuries of the American dream comes at a big price ...... Don't let that price be at the expense of their happiness.
2007-04-20 23:03:38 · answer #3 · answered by dadgonewild 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you intend to stay with him you had better get into counseling together and apart. He truly has some issues if he cannot see that your family had very good reason to talk badly about him.....they were concerned and were protecting you. His selfishness at this point shows that he still truly does not grasp what he did and how many people he affected. If he won't go to counseling, leave him.
2007-04-20 22:54:26 · answer #4 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NEVER leave your husband for your family, he is your family now. I don't care what anyone says, you took vows before God with this man, [not them] unless he still cheats or beats you,--stay put. You can save $ for a trip to fly to see them, even if it takes one year. All you really need is plane fare.
People fly to see their relatives all the time, he doesn't have to go.
2007-04-20 23:05:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you decided to give him a second chance, then give him the second chance. Your family will support you, no matter where you are. Keep busy becoming a better person for you and for your children. It takes time to heal, but it does heal. Your family whether you like it or not are your children and your husband. You chose him.
2007-04-20 22:58:55 · answer #6 · answered by 37mom 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's really hard to overcome betrayal and rebuild trust without professional help. I'm guessing he won't go to counseling with you, can you go by yourself? It will give you a safe place to vent, sort through your emotions and hopefully find a way to have a vacation to see your family.
2007-04-20 22:54:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sure a lot was said during the 7 months, but, i am sure that he deserved whatever was said.
it is not YOUR fault that he is such a cheater, nor is it in any way the kids' fault...
if you miss your family, tell him, also tell him that they will come to visit and that he can either like it or not.
tell him that he doesn't have to see them, but YOU will...and the children will.
he should consider himself fortunate that he has a woman who would take him back...i sure wouldn't
2007-04-20 23:20:46 · answer #8 · answered by uranus2mars 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he has no right to keep u from ur family. and no right to make u chose he is the one who screwed up and i think he cant face them knowing they know how he treated u . Stand up for your self. ok How would u feel if this was a problem your daughter was having??? what would u want her to do? There is your answer
good luck
2007-04-20 22:55:14 · answer #9 · answered by Special Edition 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is the one who messed up not you. Don't pay for his mistakes. I have learned that men come and go. . . . but family is ALWAYS there. I love my husband a lot a lot, but I would pick my family over him ANYDAY. Your husband is trying to avoid your family because he is ashamed of himself.
2007-04-20 22:53:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋