We where together for 16 years met in highschool. We have two small kids girl and a boy. She started an affair with a coworker and left me for him. We live in the middle of nowhere in a very small town in Idaho. Hes a teacher and she works in the kitchen. Do these last should I divorce her? She told me she was bored and not happy but I think she was happy until she met him. Also she can't be on her own so if their relationship fails what is she going to do?
2007-04-20 15:19:37 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell her to kiss your A**!!!!!
Find someone better and don't look back..
Also do what you need to do for your kids but do not let her use them as bargaining chips....
Women are a dime a dozen.....Ladies are hard to find....
2007-04-20 15:27:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want her back and try to work on salvaging the marriage or want to think about it? Or do you just want to let her learn her lesson?
More than likely if the relationship fails, she will come running back to you or simply find someone else to replace whatever she thinks she needs right now. If she can work in a kitchen, then she can even find a (second) job elsewhere if she needs to support herself.
There are books out there you can read while she is doing this. Gary Smalley's Winning Your Wife Back and Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson. I highly reccommend Love Must Be Tough. It will help you to see that you need not chase her and you can have dignity, respect, and composure even if it does not work out. She may also turn around and decide she wants you anyway.
Take care of your children. She abandoned them, you, and the house for her own selfish whims without a care in the world how it would affect the marriage itself, you, or the children. Get counseling and legal advice so you can determine what would be best for you and your children, and so that her boyfriend won't be able to screw you over. Also if you are spiritual, maybe talk with a preacher or church counselor about this for spiritual advice.
I don't agree with once a cheater, always a cheater, but if she does come back and you let her, there has to be rules and boundaries and a re-establishment of respect for you as head of house. And she will have to know where she stands.
Some people do regret cheating on their mates. Some don't and go back to it if there is no respect for the mate.
There are stories of men who don't want to think anything is wrong with the marriage or with her (or him) until it is too late and the wife has walked out the door.
Just don't think too much about her if you can help it. You've got to take care of yourself, the house, and kids. Give her and yourself time to figure things out. I heard in counseling that most affairs don't last much more than a year before there's problems. Her relationship will have to wind down at some point from the honeymoon state she is having with him. And you can tell her what you decide and put the ball back in your court should she decide she needs you.
2007-04-20 15:57:00 · answer #2 · answered by deva s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did she leave the kids? If not do you see them? I think it is time for you to worry about you! The person that is being left out of the affair. You can wait for her if you still love her but how long do you wait? A month? Two, three, six months? In the mean time she is living it up with this teacher guy and you are suffering, lonely and not moving on with your life! Ask her what she wants you to do and go from there. Good luck
2007-04-20 15:32:22 · answer #3 · answered by Alone again 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets see now. She's having and affair. She left you and the kids. YES you should divorce her. It's none of your business what she does now. Life goes on. What matters now is keeping yourself and your kids happy. Think of number 1, and that's YOU. If the relationship does not worked out with the teacher and she wants back in, It's up to you to decide. Ask yourself, will she do it again or not? Just remember she was not happy with you unless you two work things out.
2007-04-20 15:34:58 · answer #4 · answered by RAMZ_Hi_NRG 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are telling the story of my life for the past month. My fiance cheated and claimed (in only two days with her) to have feelings for her. He was nuts about her and calling her and seeing her all the time. He wanted nothing to do with me. After only a week or so she dumped him. I was very weak then and asked him to come back. He did and we are now working on the relationship through a counselor though it has been rough and I do not know what will be the outcome. If you want to know if it will last I can only tell you that rebound relationships are shown STATISTICALLY to rarely last. Just like your wife, my fiance claimed to not be happy and I suspect that he WAS happy until he cheated. This all boils down to selfishness and disregarding a committment when something new comes along that feeds ones ego and feelings of self worth. The fact is, new relationships turn into old relationships over time and the same issues arise. Cheaters cannot see that initially. Clearly you had problems in the relationship where communication, mutual respect, caring, love or a multitude of other things may have been teetering. But this is no excuse for her behavior. Counseling is the answer when anyone feels unloved or unheard. My fiance eventually admitted to me that he blamed me and our relationship for the cheating but that it he was only using that to ease his guilt and use me as a scapegoat. I am still working on getting to the bottom of things on my end. If you want to email me I can tell you more of what I learn in counseling as time goes by. I can assure you though, once the newness wears off, your wife is going to have to face herself. Once she discovers his faults and flaws, she is going to have to examine how good she had it with you. If she refuses to end that relationship and go to counseling with you, just bide your time, go to counseling yourself and watch what happens. Maintain your dignity while she gives up hers. What goes around comes around.
2007-04-20 16:11:19 · answer #5 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't be worrying about your cheating wife. Does she have the two small kids or do you have them? If she left you after 16 yrs I would say she's pretty sure about the new guy. I would either get a separation or a divorce. Talk it over with your wife. Take care of yourself instead of worrying about her!
2007-04-20 17:04:20 · answer #6 · answered by Marilyn H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is making a choice to be with another man, so think about you and your children. Is it fair for you to sit back and allow your Wife to spend time being with another man or do you deserve a relationship where you both are respected. Let her go. If their relationship doesn't work out and you are still alone then you deside what is best for you and your family. If she doesn't return to you then you haven't wasted your time waiting for something that wasn't meant to be. Best of luck.
2007-04-20 15:27:23 · answer #7 · answered by cheoli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She left you. Granted, she also learned that the grass is not always greener, but given the opportunity she would leave you for someone else if you afford her the opportunity.
Life is too short to waste your time on women of her caliber. Divorce her, make whatever arrangements with the kids that suit you both and move on.
2007-04-20 15:24:36 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater always a cheater. Sounds similar to my boyfriends ex-wife. I would also suggest counseling so you know that you tried every possibly way to make the marriage work for the sake of your children. Good luck and I will say a prayer for you.
2007-04-20 15:24:45 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the worst thing to do is go back. If you do get back with her it will not be same. You will have this in the back of your mind. This is going to sound bad, I was crushed by a girl when I was 21, the best thing was I did was chase and have sex with every girl I could. Just remember to wear protection. Go jump one of her friends,co-workers or one of her relitives.
(happy hunting)
2007-04-20 15:33:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would come to my senses and realize regardless of what she does, she has proven she is capable of cheating within a marriage with you...I've seen this many times, chances are her relationship will fail, for reasons she hadn't thought of, but if you make it easy for her to feel she can come right back if it doesn't work out..she will and then she will find prince charming again and again and again...so ask yourself, what kind of women do you want...if its that you got bigger problems...if your wise you'll take care of your children and yourself and let her suffer the consequences of her actions.
2007-04-20 15:33:08 · answer #11 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋