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We have been married for over 20 years and over the last nine months or so he has become increasingly distant and withdrawn. His sex drive is ziltch and he plainly stated that he feels nothing for me anymore. I can find no evidence of an affair (I hated looking). He comes home and retreats into music and sipping wine and doesn't even want to go out. Is he depressed? He says he feels empty on the inside and doesn't even work on his hobbies anymore. He won't open up too much with me and says he'll get counseling but hasn't made any efforts to do that yet. Any ideas of what I can do? Where do we go from here?

2007-04-20 13:09:53 · 15 answers · asked by mackinawmissy 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

15 answers

It sounds like something is bothering him in his life. He should talk to you about it, and it may take him talking to someone to figure out exactly what the problem is...I've been there myself. I think once he finds out what the problem is and talks to you about it, things should once again take off from there. Best of luck to you both. It definitely sounds like you have nothing to worry about in terms of him cheating though...it sounds like he's just depressed about something.

2007-04-20 13:15:17 · answer #1 · answered by benji 3 · 0 0

Sounds a lot like a mid life crisis sort of thing to me. He's depressed about things he wanted to do, and now feels are not possible. Are there any big dreams he had that have constantly been set aside for more practical considerations?

I'm really not sure what you can do at this point. Until he actually opens up a bit you don't have much to go on. I'd suggest that you just try to be quietly supportive for now, and be there for him when he needs you. But if he just keeps withdrawing, or deteriorates in other ways, just call him on it. Tell him that you need to know what is happening so that you can help him.

good luck.

2007-04-20 20:21:07 · answer #2 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 0 0

have you tried enticing him? if you got kids get rid of them for the night...set up a night (at home) for just the two of you. before he comes home from work make him the dinner he loved that you cooked when you first got married, play some music that you both enjoyed in your younger years candle light the house and set out the wine that he enjoys the most...get into a movie that he enjoys watching, with a foot rub even. let him know that you dont want or expect anything out of him you just want him to have a nice relaxing night with his wife. before he gets home buy some of the crayola bath tub crayons and write a love letter about how much you apreciate him and find him attractive on the shower wall. be sure to leave the curtain open so he can see it when he uses the bathroom, and if he doesn't go in there right away, give him a lil nudge to get something for you from that room. after all is said and done and he is ready to retire to bed, do something maybe a little out of character for the two of you. instead of just getting up and showering then reading while he falls asleep (i'm sure you get my point) be seductive. have a hot and heavy make out session on the couch, then move your way into the shower together before hitting the bed...sometimes what they need is just a little hit that they are still desired

2007-04-20 20:22:31 · answer #3 · answered by juli p 2 · 0 0

Well from experience the things that would put a man in a state of isolation as him. Is either another woman and/or financial problems that you may not be aware of. There are many outlets for men to deal w/ depression I doubt that he is.

You might want to treat him to go to a baseball game, basketball, help him get out of the house but dont be forceful. Once he gets past through this, he'll be appreciative to you.

2007-04-20 20:21:11 · answer #4 · answered by lopez76g 3 · 0 0

Well he's in his think about what going on around me mood. Yea he will be this way for a couple of months and if he sees that it's all good at home he will come out of it. Or he's just realized he's gay. But don't get all bent out of shape about it. If he doesn't want to do anything with you hey just IM me anytime and we can chat about anything you want. But maybe he just doesn't have it in him anymore, some guys are like that after been married for a long time.

2007-04-20 20:15:25 · answer #5 · answered by John S 5 · 0 0

Well maybe things are getting to be different now. He might be confused on what he wants out of life. Get him out of the house and do things with him. If he doesn't want to get out, cook for him and make the room special with candle lights. Let him know that you care. Take a bubble bath together and listen to some relaxing music. Good luck if you want to keep your marriage going.

2007-04-20 20:18:30 · answer #6 · answered by Theresa 2 · 0 0

It sounds like your husband has a very serious problem - it needs to be addressed right away. Taking him to a counselor may not be the answer. He needs Jesus Christ in his life - Jesus Christ died for our sins on the cross to pay the full penalty of our sins and rose from the dead so that we will go to heaven if we surrender our own wills and accept Jesus into our lives and do things according to His will. It is important that you read the Bible and pray for your husband. Do what the Bible says and God will do the rest. Your husband is dealing with depression, and needs Jesus to get him out.

2007-04-20 20:51:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

I also think he is depressed or my have begun something with another person. My hubby said about 6 words to me this week because he is mad at me.I "insulted" him when he was being a jerk to our son. I really don't care because I have my own life. You can't let yourself relay completely on your husband for your foundation.

Love is being the right person not finding the right person

2007-04-20 20:25:38 · answer #8 · answered by Soulfulgrl 3 · 1 0

I would not recommend taking online advice when it comes to things like this. No one knows your husband like you do. If he won't open up to you than try to have him open up to someone else. As far as zero sex life.... take it up a notch. Don't wait for him. Surprise him with a nght that will blow his mind. If you don't get a reaction from that than your heart will tell you what to do. Good luck!

2007-04-20 20:17:34 · answer #9 · answered by Jennifer P 2 · 0 0

I'm sorry to tell you but I dont think there is anything left to fight for. Obviously he must be going threw mid-life crisis or something but you dont have to be bought down by it. You have to get away from him. Is he having an affair or anything. That would be something to look into.

2007-04-20 20:14:39 · answer #10 · answered by jeannie f 4 · 0 0

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