My boyfriend's ex-wife is ...well...difficult?

Question

There are kids involved - my boyfriend and I are not engaged, we don't live together --- yet their mom wants to "talk" with me.

I understand her concern about who is around her kids, Im not involved in their discipline or take part in any decision making regarding them.

I have told my boyfriend that I do not feel that at this point it is necessary for me to "talk" with her. But she is pushing my boyfriend to MAKE me "talk" with her. She has sugggested that I might "mistreat" the children and is insistant that we meet somewhere so that she can "know" me. There is no reason for her to say something like this - the kids all like me.

He's told her that he will not force me into doing something I'm not ready to do.

Now whenever the kids are around I feel stressed and upset - I feel that their mom will not acknowledge or respect my boundaries in this situation and kids are not dumb -

What's the best way for me to protect myself from her without causing stress for everyone else?

Answer 1

You are right. My sister stood her ground and only met her boyfriends' ex after she moved in with him, he has a son. His ex tried the very same thing. My sister said she would meet with her when she felt it was necessary and not before, that she would let her know when that was. She cannot force you to meet her. He is the only one that can tell her to pipe down back off and you'll meet her when you are good and ready. Let him deal with her, it's his ex, not yours. Good luck and please don't budge.

Answer 2

Difficult situation! I don't feel like there is a need for you to meet this woman, but it might be a good idea later on down the road if things get more serious with you and your BF. The only reason that I say this is because the mom just might be a little worried as to who her children are around. You sound like a nice person, her kids seem to like you, so I don't think you have too much to worry about. It does seem awkward, though, huh? I'd only suggest to be yourself if you decide to meet.

But again, it's not like you are living with the BF... So don't feel pressured. Tell your BF to tell the X that you are simply not ready to meet yet. Hopefully she will be mature and not make a big deal out of it any longer.

Answer 3

This is a very tough situation for you. I'm sorry. She certainly has a lot of power over you and your boyfriend in this situation and you don't even know her.

If you feel that you may have a real future with this man, maybe it makes sense to meet this woman to diffuse the tension. Hopefully, she will see that you are a decent, kind person who wants only the best for her children and will not usurp her role as parent. Of course, she could just want to check you out. But you should be checking her out too to determine if she is someone you will be able to deal with should your relationship turn permanent. Personally, a psycho ex-wife would be a deal breaker for me. Best to know what you're dealing with as early on as possible. Good luck.

Answer 4

My neice is a single Mom and when her ex, the childs father, got a new girlfriend, she wouldn't let her child visit the father until she met the new girlfriend so she would know who her child was going to be spending time with. I think that is being a good, protective Mom who cares for her child. I don't think it would hurt, just to meet her and tell her that you don't interfere with the children, you are just friends with them and respect her as a mother. It may be awkward at first, but put yourself in her shoes. In this day and time would you let your child be around just anybody? I understand both sides, but think the Mom is being reasonable. Remember that if you get more involved with him, the mother of his child will be in his life for the next 18 years or so. It's difficult to date a man with children because there is always going to be another woman in the picture.

Answer 5

Sounds to me like it could be two different things. One thing could be that she is still trying to control your boyfriend's life. She wants to still be involved with his life so basically she could be wanting to meet you to see if you're good for her ex...not anything to do with the kids.

The second thing is (and i understand this point of view cause i have a child too) that she could just be concerned about her children's safety. There are so many messed up people in the world today and she might just want to get to know you.

I don't really like the fact that she's never met you but is already accusing you of being bad to be around the children. That makes it seem like my first idea.

Answer 6

Just go and talk with her that's all she wants. I'm a mother and we're I in her situation I would want to talk to you too. See, it would be important cause my kids are involved. I would not accuse you of anything, perhaps I could leave you clues as to how situations are to be handled for a future reference. You know it won't hurt you to give her the benefit of the doubt; at least think on it some more.

Answer 7

in this way of relationship there are particular issues which you won't be in a position to declare. (you're might desire to enable the two certainly one of them artwork this out) I comprehend why you reported what you reported yet the two his mom or her father might desire to have advised her. (you in basic terms further extra gasoline to her hearth by using doing this) Your boyfriend is going to might desire to guy up and tell her to end the flaws that she is doing. she won't take any criminal rights far off from everyone. it is for a court docket to choose for. i might recommend he get criminal advice. start up letting her calls pass to voice mail. (you're transforming into a recording of her ranting and the threats that are made) end giving her the attention which you're giving her. do no longer check together with her whilst the youngsters pass domicile. the two certainly one of you have a real to a pair piece. If that's not an emergency (a limb is coming off), end identifying on up the telephone.

Answer 8

Be glad that she is wanting to get to know you instead of instantly thinking you are a bad person. Believe me it is better to start off on the right foot then stepping on ones. Just listing to her worries and assure her that you are not trying to take the place of her but you do want to be a part of their lives and would never hurt them or talk bad about her.

Answer 9

Talk to her honestly if you plan to be in this mans like because he is in your like and she and their kids are in yours either get all the way in or get out quick if a little talking is too much for you

Answer 10

Jeez Brooksy it sounds a bit funny to me. Has he really let go of her? It sounds like she wants to take a controlling interest in your relationship? Next thing she'll be giving you pointers (no pun intended) on how to have sex with him. Just look inside yourself and see how these requests make you feel. Sounds like you're already on high alert.