I dont want my mother in law in the room when i give birth?

Question

Hey guys Im only 5months, but they have gone fast! I have already decided that I only want my mother and husband in the room with me when I give birth. For some reason my mother in law thinks that shes going to be on there too, but its not gonna happen. Should I tell her now that I dont want her to be in there because I would feel very uncomfortable or should I just wait for the day to come and tell her to please step out? I dont really care much for her I want to share this special moment with my mother and husband no one else.

Answer 1

Wow! This is a tough one. I have on of those "MIL's" too. You love them but at the same time they don't know when to stop pushing right? I probably shouldn't even be giving you this opinion b/c I still haven't stood up to mine just yet, but I'm waiting for the right time. Anyway, I would tell her as soon as she mentions it again. I wouldn't just bring it up and demand she stay the heck out, just ask her if she would mind if it was just your mom and your hubby during this time. Tell her your uncomfortable with her seeing everything. REMEBER! it;s your baby.... not her's! Even though MIL's forget that from time to tome! Tell her She will be more than welcome to come in as soon as the deeds done, but this type of thing truley is up to you and you should not be pressured. I don't blame ya. I wouldn't want my MIL to see all my goodies either... Good luck honey!

Answer 2

this happened to me - I didn't realize that my mother in law though that she was going to be in the delivery room until that day - it made it a very tough situation and she did make a scene - it really put a dark spot on what should have been a wonderful day - please tell her now and try sitting with her and your husband as well to have this conversation.

Tell her that you wouldn't be comfortable with her in the delivery room because you aren't sure how you will react to the situation, and you don't want to say or do something during labor that you won't be able to take back...then joke that your mom is used to putting up with you, and your hubby is obligated by law

also another thing is that you might then invite her to stay for labor only... and tell her that the delivery is something that you are not comfortable with anyone other than your husband and mother witnessing because - well to but it bluntly - you're hanging out for all the world to see and you don't feel overly at ease with her seeing you with your legs, privates... .... well you get the idea...... Just tell her you don't feel comfortable being naked with your legs spread in front of her LOL. That's the fool-proof way to go because if you play the some of other cards she may argue that she'll sit there quietly and won't make a peep.

also It's all in the delivery (no pun intended -lol)...Stay away from negative phrases like 'I don't want you in the delivery room' or 'I don't want you to see me like that'...what she may hear is 'I don't want you'...Instead say 'you are welcome to come to the hospital and wait in the waiting area and we will come get you after the baby is born' or 'we will call you when the baby is born and you can come to the hospital' or 'we would love to have you as our first visitor when we get home'...just tell her what you want, not what you don't want.

another way you could put it is "listen, I'm really sorry, but I'm already very very nervous about this whole thing and I feel like the more people that are in there, the more stressed out and nervous and awkward I'm going to feel. I would rather just keep it limited to my mom and my husband." And if you feel too bad/awkward telling her that, make sure your husband is with you and supports you - but don't duck out of being a part of the conversation or it really could make things worse for your relationship with her and in turn harder on your husband and your child(ren) down the road.

Good Luck to you and I hope that in this rambling answer you have found at least one but that has helped you out.

Remember - you should do everything you can to be comfortable and at ease as much as you can so you can enjoy the birth of your child... Stand by what you feel is right and it will all work out in the end.

Answer 3

You and your husband need to talk to his mother to tell her what your plans are. I say your husband, because this is his mom. He really needs to be a part of the conversation so that at some point she doesn't try and turn it around to make you look bad.

I also think you should avoid calling her when you go into labour. Make her one of the first people you tell once the baby is born, but don't make the mistake of calling before. Even if she doesn't show up, she still may call a hundred times before the baby is even born (I know that one from experience!!)

Answer 4

Since every pregnancy is different, and maybe you'll experience something your mom didn't but your mother in-law did, you should ask her to be at the hospital, but not in the room. Politely explain that it would be very uncomfortable for you to have her see that side of you, and that you consider it to be a very private time. Let her know she'll be invited in right after the big moment has happened. It is after all, your time.

Answer 5

I really didn't want my mom there, or my mother-in-law either, but when I went into labor, I ended up calling my mom anyway, and she came, and I was glad. So, you never know. You might change your mind.

You can invite her in for a while, but then have her leave once the pushing starts. My husband handled that part for me (asking people to leave.)

My mother-in-law took some very up-close disgusting pictures of the birth, which I didn't even know about until after. I was mortified! She is not going to be invited next time!!!! Or if she is, no camera please!!!!

Answer 6

I think you should tell her now, simply so that this weight over your head is lifted, and I don't think you would want to worry about how to tell her while you're in labour... :)

I think it's completely natural that you should want your own mother and your husband there but not your mother-in-law, if only because your mum and husband have seen you naked but your mother-in-law hasn't. This hasn't even got anything to do with whether you like her or not. I like my mother-in-law but there still wouldn't have been a chance in hell of her being in the room... ;)

Of course the birth of a grand-baby is just as special to your mother-in-law as it is to your mother but the act of giving birth is really more about you than the baby, you shouldn't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with.

Answer 7

I honestly have my moments where I think I don't want anyone in the room with me when I deliver....lol
No but seriously, I thought about it all along, and really only felt comfortable with my mother and sister being around for something like that (my husband, the baby's father, is out of the picture and has been since I was two months along).
I have had a couple of other female relatives ask if they can be there, and this is how I went about it.
I just came right out and told everyone else that the only people I was certain about were mom and sis, that I would see how I felt about it when we were actually in the delivery room, and that possibly I might be OK with more of an "audience" when the time came, but not to get their feelings hurt if I didn't feel okay with it and asked everyone else to leave.
That seemed to satisfy everyone without ruffling too many feathers...maybe you can try an approach like that? Like just a heads up to let her (and anyone else) know that you may not be up to anyone else but your mother and hubby in the room, that way you have given her fair warning.

**NOTE-Ha ha, to add to this, on one of my moodier days a couple months back, I informed EVERYONE (including mom and sis) not to be surprised if I flipped out and ordered everyone out of the room with the exception of medical personnel.....I'm a very private person by nature, and sometimes don't know how I will react to an "exposing" situation of any kind until I am actually in that situation...lol, they got a kick out of picturing me just suddenly shouting for everyone to get the h*ll out.....

Answer 8

I think the only people that should be in a delivery room are the baby's father and the mother of the mom-to-be. Just let your MIL know as soon as possible that this isn't really a spectator sport and that giving birth is a very private and intimate issue.

Answer 9

Most hospitals will ask you as to whom will be in the delivery room, so you can plan ahead of time. You might want to ask when you go in for pre-registration if they have this. If not, when you are in the delivery room you might want to ask a nurse that you only wish for your husband and mother to be in there, the nurse will find a way to ask your mother-in-law to step out of the room without letting it be known that it was you who made the request. The last thing you want is to being worried as to who is in there wiht you during delivery, which could prolong your labor.

Answer 10

How does your husband feel on the subject? If he agrees with you, then perhaps he can tell his mother that you'd be most comfortable with your mother and husband. She'll be hurt, I won't lie. I didn't want my mother in law in the delivery room either. Unfortunately she used to work at the hospital I delivered at and she found a way in. Best of luck.