I am trying to decide what to do. i am engaged but my fiance' is going crazy and starting to not be so nice. this has been happening for about 4 months or so. my highschool sweetheart just popped out of the blue and I am wondering if the flame is still there or if i should work it out with my fiance and just be friends with my friend from high school (we havent spoken in 12 years) I really love the woman i am with but dont know if it will last... 2 nights ago i called off the engagement and now feel stuck and dont know what to do???
2007-04-20 09:32:58 · 40 answers · asked by w3s1p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It looks to me you've already made a decision. Did you really call off the engagement? Cause if you are the one who called it off I wouldn't think the former fiance would want to come back for a while. Whether she was nice or not isn't relevant to how you feel - if you don't think it will last, it won't!
If you want to work it out, try counseling. As for the high-school sweetheart, I wouldn't even go there until you figured out what you will do with the fiance. And even then I would probably leave it with the history book that closed 12 years ago.
2007-04-20 09:43:12 · answer #1 · answered by Done 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT engaged. You broke up, remember?
Going crazy how? What is going on? how long engaged? How old are you two?
Isn't it always the case that when you have a problem, some enticing idea "Pops" into your head?
That is called fixing one problem by getting another one.
You sound like a highschool kid, not a 30 year old MAN!
If you called off the engagement, how are you stuck? \
You are free.
So is she.
You better hope HER highschool sweetheart doesn't "pop."
Here is my best advice. You are not ready to be engaged. If someone you love and want to marry is "going crazy" you need to stay with her, and work out YOUR problems. You think she won't "go crazy" again sometime, or YOU or one of your family members? You don't bail on a loved one when they are in trouble. If she has a problem, so do YOU!
She is better off without a such a selfish person in her life. She needs a leader, and a compassionate adult to help her, not a guy who just wants the goodies and no "work."
If you are wondering if the flame is still there for your ex-ex, TELL your ex-fiance that you have some concerns you need to take care of before you consider recommitting to your relationship. Do not tell her what these concerns are, it is no longer her concern. Break it off CLEAN! Don't be a weasel.
If she will stick around for you, you might have something or she might be a BIG LOSER who thinks you are the best she can do. Hard to tell.
If she tells you to pack sand, you might figure out that you made a mistake.
And then you will be free for sure.
Either way, be HONEST with yourself and them. It will be the right thing to do --eventually.
2007-04-20 09:49:29 · answer #2 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you broke off the engagement, then you are officially a free man. If you were seeing a behavioral pattern in your fiance that you didn't like, you may have done yourself a favor by bailing when you did. It may have saved you a ton of heartache in the future if you'd married her. This high school sweetheart has popped back into the picture, so I see nothing wrong with spending some time with her, getting to know each other again, & seeing if the flame is still there. It happens all the time. Take it easy & see what happens.
2007-04-20 09:41:49 · answer #3 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See that happens all the time; when you are about to marry the one that you love the old flames from your past tends to come back into your life it happens to the best of us, the best thing to do is to set down with the women that you love and try to work the issues that both of you have, other ways it will be another love lost another never found, also high school love and adult love or different so this person whom you were in love with in high school may not be the same person that you would be in love with now. Make you bed because the only one who must sleep in it is you.
GOOD LUCK
2007-04-20 09:51:18 · answer #4 · answered by smiles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truely love this women then you should at least try your best of working things out. You asked her to marry you. Things always go up and down for couples. As for the old flame, that was in the past and you said that the two of you have not spoken in 12 years. You should not gamble with your fiance' and a woman you haven't seen in twelve years. Hope everything works out for ya.
2007-04-20 09:38:22 · answer #5 · answered by cjlambert05 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are having this many doubts, you owe it to her to call off the engagement. Isn't it better to do it now than to marry, have children, then out them through the pain of a divorce ? This doesn't sound like a happy marriage in the making. However, don't hook up with the high school sweetheart until you have time to resolve the other situation. It will only complicate things.
2007-04-20 09:37:22 · answer #6 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Am I the only one who finds the timing interesting? How convenient that as soon as your old flame "popped out of nowhere" your fiancé started "going crazy", thus giving you a perfectly legitimate excuse to break off the engagement and think about the other woman. Hmmmmmm.
If I was your fiancé, I would be gone already, leaving you to your own devices. Then you wouldn't be "stuck", you would be single again, and free to do what you wanted. But, it seems that your fiancé actually wants to hang on to you. So go ahead, manipulate her all you want, I guess she deserves it.
2007-04-20 09:40:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi...
first thing you need to know is --- it's not the healthiest thing in the world to break off a committed relationship, then jump right into another relationship.
you need time !!! to YOURSELF... you need to adjust, grieve, get your life back together, figure out what direction you want to take in life. and this process takes most people about a year, sometimes two.
there is nothing wrong with having friends, or dating casually, but rushing into yet another committment, does not give you time at all.
and i don't really think your high school sweetheart wants to be The Rebound Girl (it's not fun or funny!).
figure out what you and your fiance are going to do... break up or get back together... take time for that.
if you would like to get together with the high school sweetheart, that is all fine and well, but don't lead her to believe that you need a new relationship right now (you don't)....be honest with her about the fact that you just broke off an engagement.
take care and i hope things work out for you.
2007-04-20 09:57:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you said you called off the engagement...so you are no longer engaged, right? Anyway, you did the right thing since you were starting to see parts of your ex-fiance that you hadn't seen before. That helped you to make a better informed decision on whether any marriage between you both could have worked. Although you say you love your ex-fiance, maybe you are no longer "in-love"? There is a difference.
2007-04-20 09:37:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you tried having an honest conversation with her about why you broke off the engagement? How were things before, were they great? Could it be engagement jitters? Though I hate to ask this, are you doing anything that is causing her to act in this way. Communication is essential for any relationship. Above all, I would advise that you have an HONEST conversation with her to figure out what is going on in the relationship that has caused this change.
2007-04-20 09:42:05 · answer #10 · answered by Sunshine S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋