My newly wed hubby just got laid off..............?

Question

He has applied to different jobs but no luck. It's been only 1 week but already I feel all the weight on my shoulders. This is not the first time, sice I've been with him(3years) he's been laid off 4 times. I come home and he's playing with his XBOX, he says he's to depressed to do anything else, clean or go out with me. In the past it's only taken him a couple of weeks to get back on his feet but this seems like too much, What do I do?

Answer 1

, help him find a job, buts that no excuss for slacking around... you married him with that history... deal with it or get out....

Answer 2

You stand my him and help him any way he can. However, that said, you do not let him get by with sitting around feeling sorry for himself either. It's a fine line between helping and making him feel less masculine. Tread carefully. Does he have a hobby? I know that sounds silly, but is his hobby something he can turn into a job or a job skill? It doesn't sound like he's particularly lazy or anything, just bad luck with picking jobs that have lay-off potential. Maybe it's time he looked in a different direction? If he can't find a job and isn't willing to look right away, then my answer would be he should do volunteer work at the hospital or at a homeless shelter and let him see what the other side is like. Bottom line is honey, you've been with him several years and it is for 'better or worse'. This too shall pass.

Answer 3

I'm not sure what your hubby's career/job's have been but it's rough out there. For every 12 jobs I apply for, I (maybe) get one response, and then, don't even get the interview. It's demoralizing, depressing -- and I *WISH* I could play vids to get some stress relief while I'm in the process. Layoffs are a fact of life now in some professions with jobs being outsourced to other countries to save the almighty $. All this said I would recommend that you see what you can do to 1). Help him with his self-esteem, reassuring him that he is a great person/worker and 2). Potentially steer him to getting an "interim" filler job -- store, whatever -- to just bring some money in part time and get back out there while looking. Additionally - what about unemployment? He could be contributing something while looking from that as well, it's no shame to collect that's what its there for. Good luck and best wishes to you both, it's sooo not easy these days in the job market!

Answer 4

Oh boy - been there done that - when we got back from our honeymoon, my now ex-husband had a letter waiting telling him he was laid off. He PLAYED the whole summer - I was pregnant, in College AND working. I should have ended it then. He did not look for any way to make money - mow lawns, run errands- NOTHING.

Your husband should re-evaluate his skill base & education - improvements in these areas will help to ensure he is hired into a position where there is more stability.

If he shows no motivation in either going to school or working to find a job - you really need to figure out if you & he want the same things from life.

Answer 5

Sit down with him and let him know you know how he's feeling, but playing the XBOX isn't going to put food on the table and pay the bills. Hand him the classifieds and have him start looking for a more reliable job. And if you're working while he's sitting at home, tell him to clean up the house. If it's more serious, then maybe he needs to go into counseling to deal with this, but hopefully he'll get back on his feet soon.

Answer 6

Well he has shown you in the past that even though he has breaks in his employment he always get back on his feet, so try not to be so hard on him because you remember before you married him you were supportive, so the things you did to get him are the things you are going to have to do to keep him. You love him and even though employment was an issue you still decided to marry him so just stick with him and hopefully in the next couple weeks he will find a job...good luck and god speed

Answer 7

You married him for better or worse, so you encourage him to find a job, and continue to bare the weight on your shoulders until he does. It has only been a week!! I know it isn't easy, but you need to be supportive!

What if you get sick? What if you get laid off? Would you want him to just give up on you? Of course you wouldn't!!

Obvioulsy if this continues for a long period of time, you have a problem! He needs to be trying to find work, but give him a little bit of a break! If he senses your disappointment in him it will only add to his depression and it will become harder for him to get motivated. Maybe seek some counceling and try to work through this WITH him!

Answer 8

It's possible that he might be a little depressed. To a man, his job defines who he is. It is ingrained in him to be the breadwinner. Maybe he needs some counseling. My brother has been laid off for over two years now so he stays home and takes care of the family/home while his wife works. He is still looking for work, but jobs are tight where we live.

Answer 9

He probably is depressed. Not having a job takes it out of a guy. He needs 2 things.

1. He needs to talk about it. - You may or may not be the right person, but try anyway. Try to get him to open up and tell you how he's feeling. if it doesn't work, then talk to one of his friends and get them to (not another woman)

2. He needs access energy. - I use One a Day Energy. Get him to take these for a few days. You could also try energy drinks. Anything to give him that boost st move around more.

No matter what, you need to get across that you need him to step up cause you can't do it without him. Make it a compliment. "Honey, I know you're in a down time, but I need you to step out of it for me. I can't carry this load without you, but with you I can do anything. You're a very good man".

Answer 10

OMG, how I have been there! When my husband and I were first married we went through the same thing! He applied for jobs and then we did not hear anything from them for the longest time, and then he went into his depressed mode, and we had to borrow money from my parents, just to pay rent!

I know it is frusturating right now, but every married couple goes through a hard time, you just have to stick by him and support him, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, and things will get better, he feels like he is carrying the world on his shoulders and he is under so much pressure, and believe me, there is nothing worse for a marriage than financial problems.

It will get all better! You just have to hang in their and keep your faith! And many years down the road, you will look at this as a hurdle that you both made it over and becuase you both stuck it out your marriage is stronger!

Some people get married and they think instant bliss, well, before you reach that bliss after the honeymoon is over you have to go through hard times!

Welcome to reality!

Hang in there it will get better!

Answer 11

I'd say leave him, but since your married, it seems like a bit more of a challenge to just up and leave.

I would try to maybe have a very serious converstaion with him. Maybe try treating him like a child since you are taking care of him, and take the XBOX away until he is gainfully employed again.

I guess the bigger issue isn't that he's unemployed..its that he's unemployed AGAIN. what is it about him that keeps getting laid off. Are you sure he hasn't gotten fired for some sort of misconduct.

Is it possible he has a drug problem? I hope that you are able to work this out, but I would say deep converstaions. And if he gets defensive when you talk to him, try writing a letter.

Good Luck