Can you write a funny story that includes these phrases?

Question

1. Well,well, well......if it isn't Mr. Cool.
2. I must be dreaming.
3. Barkeep! Another drink!
4. I hate to rain on your picnic, but......
5. You jest hold yer taters!
6. Love is definitely in the air.

Answer 1

Dodge City, Kansas
Circa 1876

In the last story, Matt Dillon, U.S. Marshal, had just returned from a week out on the trail of T.J. Maxx....the fashion conscious crook that he delivered to Hayes City jail. As you recall, Miss Kitty, his former girlfriend , had witnessed from her bedroom window, his arrival back in Dodge. She had watched as she saw Sunshine, Matt's new girlfriend, welcome him home in grand style. The sight of them kissing was almost too much for her to bear.

After Matt had unpacked and after he had spent some quality time with Sunshine, he made his way over to the LOngbranch.
Kitty:"(1) Well,well,well......if it isn't Mr. Cool!" said Kitty when she saw him enter her bar. Matt:"'Lo Kitty. He stayed just long enough to make sure all was well and then he left. Kitty: (3)"Barkeep! Another drink!" Sam the bartender poured his boss another glass of Rotgut. Kitty:" And this time, do NOT water it down!" She grabbed the glass and downed the drink in a few seconds. "Hit me again,Sam!" Miss Kitty Russell was well on her way to a drunken stupor.

As Matt was heading over to Sunshine's house for a little late evening lovin', Festus walked up to him. Festus:" Well, hello Matthew. How's about you and me going over to the Longbr.......uh, to the Bullshead( another bar in town) for a little beer?" Matt explained he was in a hurry. Festus: "Now Matthew, (5) You jest hold yer taters!" Matt:" Festus, my taters have been missing my sweet little gal. so (4) I hate to rain on your picnic, but, we'll have that beer another time. And with that, Matt got on his horse and rode to Sunshine's little house, on the outskirts of town. To himself, Festus was thinking....(2) " I must be dreaming. (6) Love is definitely in the air tonight. Why, just 15 minutes ago I saw old Doc with the widow Barlow going up the stairs to his office....and I KNOW they were not going there for medical reasons. Hmmmm....I gotta find me a woman."

Meanwhile, back with Matt, he HAD found his woman! As usual, the dinner she had prepared for him was going to have to wait. Matt: " The food looks good,honey. ....but you look better!" And with that, they began a long ,happy night of cowboy loving. And they tell me that for miles around, a lone sound in the night could be heard....."Yipee Ky AAAAAAA !!"

Answer 2

"Well, well, well...if it isn't Mr. Cool"
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Shhh...don't be so obvious he's coming this way just play it cool"
"OH no you got to be kidding me---don't tell me its him again! I must be dreaming..."
"...More like having a nightmare---'Barkeep! Another drink!'"
"Hey ladies...how long has it been? A week? A month?"
"...not long enough"
"Well I see your still fiesty as ever Carol---how about redirecting that into a fun after party tonight?"
"I hate to rain on your picnic, but with that face you'll never get anywhere with me or anyone else in this bar even If we all drank this bar dry"
"HEY you jest hold your taters! I can have any woman in the palm of my hand in a second"
"Ha! exactly! the only thing that you'll have in the palm of your hand tonight IS your taters"
"Ha very funny---you know, anger is a very sexy look on you..."
"Dream on---see you in hell jerk"
"Oh yeah, love is definitely in the air"
"Piss off!"
"Love you too! Ciao!"

Answer 3

Barkeep! Another Drink! I must be dreaming. That guy that just walked in the door was my fiance for two years. He dropped me after he took an interest in a girl that he met at the bar. The funny thing is the girl wasn't a girl I heard. She was a drag queen. ROFL I hear it squashed his ego when the inverted manhood was revealed. Oh here he comes. LOL Well, well, well....if it isn't Mr.Cool. I hate to rain on your picnic but the gay men haven't arrived yet. You just hold yer taters! I know they will be here soon. Love is definitely in the air. Sucker!! LOL

Answer 4

A man comes into his room and sees his shadow, so he says well,well, well......if it isn't Mr. Cool. His friend sees him from the outside and says "I must be dreaming " to himself. Suddenly, the man cried "Barkeep! Another drink!". His friend confuses, because usually people that goes to sleep doesn't drink. So he says, no, you'll piss your bed. The man replies I hate to rain on your picnic, but this is my bed. His friend mumbles You jest hold yer taters!. The man inside replies What? Are you saying love is definitely in the air?

You know where are they? They are in a mental hospital.

Answer 5

Mickey Mouse was walking down the street, on his way to a picnic with Minnie, and he walked by a bar. "Funny, I dont remember this bar being here before. I must be dreaming!" He decided that he was going to skip the picnic. He called Minnie and said "I hate to ruin your picnic, but....i'm gonna go fishing." He walked into the bar and was greeted with a "Well, well, well.....if it isn't Mr. Cool." He ignored them and he bought a few drinks. "Barkeep! Another drink!" he told the bartender. "You jest hold yer taters!" the bartender yelled back. "I'm busy now!". Mickey decided not to wait, so he walked out of the bar and ran to the picnic area. "I thought you weren't coming!" Minnie said. Mickey came and sat down by minnie and said "Aww I wouldn't miss it for the world, hon."
Love is definitely in the air!

Answer 6

Spongebob - I hate to rain on your picnic, but love is definitely in the air!

Plankton- Well well well...If it isn't Mr. Cool

Spongebob-Wow Plankton I must be dreaming, You're actually just as tall as I am!!
(Spongebob sits on a stool)
Spongebob (says to the bartender)-Barkeep! Another drink please.
Planton- You jest hold yer taters!!
To be continued...Dun Dun Dun!!

Answer 7

It was hot out on the range, as Big Phil McCrakken and Elroy "Sissy" Banks rode the miles and miles of fence on the ranch in Long Island. Tumbleweeds and empty pop-tart wrappers blew by in the hot air.
Suddenly, over the ridge of a majestic trash heap, Stu Pidazz rode his trusty llama.
"What do you say, ladies?" quipped Stu.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. Cool," said Elroy, at the same time putting Big Phil between him and Stu.
"What the h*$% do you want, Stu" said Phil, remembering their long- standing feud over the proper feng shui in a saloon. "Can't you see we're working?"
"I must be dreaming. You call a morning stroll work? I thought this was Club Med. Barkeep! Another drink!"
"Keep talking, fancy pants. I hate to rain on your picnic, but if Sissy and I didn't ride fence like this, these mutant evil woodchucks would probably escape and run for public office."
Stu chuckled. "Chuckle," said Stu, immediately cursing his lack of an inner monologue. "And how would that affect me?"
"You just hold your taters," said Elroy, with obvious intestinal discomfort. "If these woodchucks were in charge, do you think they would let us ride livestock in rush hour traffic anymore?"
"I reckon you do have a point there, Sis. Why, I guess I should be greatful to you both. If I couldn't ride LlamaLllamaDuck here, life wouldn't be worth living. I apologize to both you and your constitutionally protected life partner there. Reckon I'd better take this old girl back to the deli anyhow. We have lettuce to shred."
As Stu rode off into the haze, Phil looked at Sissy and asked,
"What is this idiot on who writes this crap?"
As the two heroes debated the psychatric troubles of the author, the scheming woodchucks gathered in the woodchuck love nest. "Only 500 more of us, and we can break out and at least be elected to city council. We will wreak havok with unexplicable zoning ordinance changes and free trade zones. The world will be ours. So, start breeding!"
From the sounds and odors, there is one thing for sure. Love is defintely in the air.

-With apologies to all life forms.

Answer 8

I was sittin at the bar one night, when in walked my ol buddy from long ago. "Well, well, well...if it isn't Mr. Cool", I said. He came over to where i was sitting and said, "Damn, I must be dreaming". We shook hands and I yelled at the dude behind the bar, " Barkeep!, Another drink!. The bartender said, "I hate rain on your pinic, but you ain't paid yer tab from last night, sonny!"
"Just hold yer taters and get me and my friend a drink, ya wooden legged bastard!"
"You know I'm good fer it!" The bartender obliged and went about his business of peeling taters fer supper. I looked at my friend and seen his attention was on the cute little brunette at the end of the bar. I said, "Whoa,buddy, you don't want none of that. Ain't a guy in this joint that ain't caught the creepin crud off of that gal." My buddy ignored me and went over anyway. I looked at the barkeep and smiled. He ruturned the notion and said, "Love is definitely in the air tonite."

Answer 9

Dear diary, my name is Peggy Sue, I'm a single 20-something and I work as a receptionist for some large accounting firm in downtown Washington. I share an appartment with my best friend, Jane. Every friday we go out clubbing hoping to meet a nice guy who is not just trying to sleep with us. Everyday we meet for lunch and dream of a love that does not fade away after 12 hours. Ya, that'll be the day. Last friday Jane had a funny thing happen to her. We were at our favorite club and it was baout 2 in the morning. We were both pissed and could barely even walk straight. Suddenly a really hot guy comes up to Jane and starts singing "Words of Love" to her it was quite funny. I was like oh boy, he's a keeper. Jane ended up passing out about half an hour after that, so nothing happened but it was quite a funny memory. I know its bad, but I'm bored. Oh and their all Buddy Holly songs

Answer 10

Well, Well, well if it isn't Mr Cool sitting in my pool looking very cool I must be dreaming seeing that you are sitting there in my pool. When you suppose to be teaching school. I hate to rain on your picnic but you ain't slick you think I don't know You jest hold your taters. Hope this helps