My husband and I sat down last night and had a heart-to-heart conversation about him not trusting me and me feeling violated everytime that he breaks into my private stuff (ie, cell phone, e-mail, etc). Basically, I told him that I can no longer trust him b/c he violates my privacy and he cant trust me w/o doing that. B/c we are both strong-headed about this, we are at a stand still and I dont know what to do. I love him dearly but I cant keep having my privacy intruded upon like this. During our converstion he brought up the "d" word (Divorce) and I told him that I didnt think that we expended all of our opitions yet (ie, counseling). It's becoming more and more difficult for him to set up an appt for us b/c of his job status (he's Military and on PRP). What should I do in the mean while? I've tried my hardest to be there for him but I also need him to be there for me and all I'm getting is "eh..." What should I do? Is there anything I can do at this point?
2007-04-20 06:41:16 · 11 answers · asked by Chybabi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Either he trusts you or he doesn't. Without trust, what do you have left to fight for?
2007-04-20 06:55:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you have never gave him reason to believe you are cheating, or hiding things from him then maybe you should consider the fact that maybe he may be just is feeling a little insecure because hes not able to be home with you enough, and feels like he may not be satisfying you enough, and its making him feel you might be doing him wrong. I can almost bet that hes just feeling a little insecure because hes not home enough. If you really arent doing anything wrong, and have nothing to hide then dont get upset with him when he goes through your things, let him, it will ease his mind. When you get upset over it, it makes him more suspicious, and feel even more like your hiding things. Your married there is not such thing as private stuff anymore, in marriage you share everything, you tell eachother everything, and dont act like its wrong for him(your own husband)to be going through your things because its both your things now(shared things). You have to look at it from his view, hes not home too often with his job, and all, and is feeling guilty(for not spending enough time with you), and insecure because of it.. letting him go through your things makes him feel better when he sees your not hiding anything. It will really make your relationship so much better if you learn how to handle it that way. Talk to him more without argueing about things, and reassure him that everything is ok between you guys, he needs your support, and needs to see your really being true to him. All councelling is going to do is teach you guys how to communicate better, and that you can learn to do on your own if you be more patient with him, he sees you being more patient with him, he will be more patient with you.
2007-04-20 08:07:19 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you ever heard of "desiring your cake and eating it too?" this is strictly what your husband is doing, attempting to thread you alongside with fake hopes of reconciliation together as nonetheless seeing his mistress,that way while she dumps him, which she would be able to while the subsequent stay one comes down the pike, he nonetheless has you to fall lower back on. He made his decision by searching for somebody exterior your marriage, knew it develop into incorrect while he did it, did not complication to attempt to repair your relationship and then does not choose you to kick him to the shrink because of the fact of it. He thinks which you're meant to anticipate him to get carried out sowing his wild oats? If he relatively wanted to repair issues, he could have made each and every attempt over 2 years in the past, fairly than seeing a mistress. specific, i could could desire to agree that issues could be awkward between you, there does not be any have faith, he would not deserve your have faith, he's shown that. He would not choose you yet would not choose all and sundry else having you the two. I propose to you which you progression on with the divorce to your sake besides because of the fact the sake of the youngster. You the two deserve greater useful and you will locate somebody that loves you and is unswerving and as ordinary as you're. sturdy success! : )
2016-11-26 00:41:48 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's an old saying that goes like this..."He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing." While it might not be right for your husband to invade every single aspect of your "space", I have to wonder why you care so much if he sees what's in your email, or your cell phone. Personally, my husband can go through it all, I really don't care. I have absolutely NOTHING to hide. I think secrecy in a marriage leads to trouble. Also, why does he not trust you? If he's just one of those paranoid, overly suspicious kind of people, maybe you ALLOWING him to look into your email or phone regularly to prove to him you're not "up to no good" would squelch much of the snooping. I hope you guys can find a good compromise, because of all of the things that can destroy a marriage, this one is at the bottom of the barrel on my list. Good luck to you!
2007-04-20 06:50:55 · answer #4 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, go for counseling. But understand, that while privacy is good, when you try to keep him out of certain segments of your life, that is going to make him crazy. Controlling men can't stand areas where they aren't in control, and right now that's you. But you are also a controlling woman who wants to control the information you are giving out. You'd better get counseling or it's going to be all about the D word.
2007-04-20 06:48:10 · answer #5 · answered by John B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He has demonstrated that he has no trust in you - If that loss of trust is not deservedly so, then I would give him an ultimatum...cut the crap or he'll walk-in one day on a gang-bang - give him a real reason to distrust you - I'm not suggesting that you actually do it, just make the threat to show him how absurd his behavior is - see what his reaction is to that!
2007-04-20 06:55:29 · answer #6 · answered by True Grits 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes when a husband or wife is insecure about their relationship and accusatory it is because he/she is feeling guilt about cheating. Subconsciously maybe he feels guilty for either cheating or thinking about cheating and thinks that you are either doing it too or are capable of it. He has to decide his marriage is worth working for and FIND the time in his schedule for counseling.
2007-04-20 06:47:53 · answer #7 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He needs to find time for counseling if the marriage is important enough to him. It is too easy to make excuses and put things off.
2007-04-20 06:44:37 · answer #8 · answered by ciberpunk1 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Go to counseling get help from a church your friends or you might just have to divorce him!!!!
2007-04-20 06:47:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I actually gave my husband my password and he can check the cell all he wants to, i have nothing to hide.... do you?
2007-04-20 06:49:48 · answer #10 · answered by Hi its me again 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋