Ok, so my husband and I have this friend. We've always known that we have a crush on each other, but never could do anything of course because I AM MARRIED. We ended up kissing after a night of way to much alcohol...more like making actually, and hugging. No touching, no sex, etc. But we did kiss and now I feel awful and so does he and I don't know if I should tell my husband because I don't want to wreck his friendship with this guy. but I feel so guilty I don't know if I can or should keep it a secret. It just happened 2 days ago. What do I do? Would u want your spouse to tell you or no? Nothing more will come of it, because the friend and i have agreed that we cannot get drunk together anymore, at all. To be honest with you I really like the friend, but know I cannot do that. Anyway, I am a really good girl, NEVER would even think of doing something like this, so I don't label me please. Just tell me what I should do and HOW I should word it if I do tell.
2007-04-20 06:16:00 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would say it was the booze & the moment. It sounds like you two (you & the other guy) are doing the right thing by removing the chances for this to reoccur. Your husband would be really hurt. So, I would not spend very much time around this friend of your husband's. Let them hang out, or whatever, but you should stay away from any situations in which this could happen again. Don't tell him, because, had you been sober, it would never have happened, so why ruin a marriage over a mistake, WHICH MUST NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN, because the odds of your husband finding out are increased. Good luck, and you do sound like a nice girl, who needs to quit drinking ! I know what booze can do, because I am a recovering alcoholic, and have been sober since 1998 !!!!!!!!!!!! Liquor changes who you are, as you have seen. Just a friendly word to the wise, not a rebuke !
2007-04-20 06:31:00 · answer #1 · answered by The Count 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Say nothing. Any advances by this so called "friend' should be discouraged from this point on. Now...how can you be so stupid and careless to not have any self control? You've placed yourself in a very percarious situation and it would be wise to avoid alcohol consumption, especially when with this individual because it is clear you can't maintain any control.
Next...this guy is no "friend' if he did this with you and he is supposed to be a friend of your husband's as well.
Tell you what. If you were my wife and you told me what happened then the two of you would be out of my life forever. Id see to it that you'd have evey oppurtunity to spend all the time you'd want drinking and kissing one another.
Of course, if you never told me and I found out the results would still be the same. Any excuse you could give...and it would be what?...sorry..I was drunk...would not be acceptable.
Yeah, yeah....there wasn't anything sexual or heavily involved but had the situation allowed for it further the possibilty of it occurring is a definite.
Betrayal in a marriage is damaging beyond repair and you could never, ever be trusted completely again.
i sincerely hope that this doesn't blow up in your face. Know that every day that passes this is something just lurking in the shadows waiting to come into the light. rarely do things like this stay hidden for long either.
2007-04-20 06:35:50 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yuo know, if you don't tell him and he finds out some other way (through a third party for example) (a friend of a friend), it's all over. Then you're having to explain this and that and he may never be able to trust you again. Listen, a guy that would kiss w/ another man's wife is no friend of mine and I wouldn't want him around me or my wife. Because he was drunk is no excuse, It's the man's responsibility to control himself when he's around drunk women.
Look, if you tell him, you were drunk and tell him about the innocent kiss, I hope he can forgive you. I think he will. It's kinda tough. But it's even worse if he finds out from another guy about what you did. Everybody makes a mistake. Just be sure to not make anymore mistakes wven closely resembling this in the future.
2007-04-20 06:29:38 · answer #3 · answered by prouddaddy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although I view what you did very wrong...I won't judge you like a few have here because everyone has done this at some point or will. I would want to know if my hubby did that, my conditions would be that he never speak to or see the person again and if it was a friend of mine as well I would never speak to her. Telling him would be best because what if he finds out from someone else some how? Then you are REALLY screwed. The truth shall set you free. Just sit him down and tell him that you did something horrible and you needed him to know, also tell him that you understand that he is upset (if or when he gets to that point) and will follow through with whatever he asks. You messed up...and most likely he will be pissed at the friend too and go the rout of you both never speaking to that friend again. This will be hard but Good Luck!!!
2007-04-20 06:33:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
IF you’re determined in your decision that you will NEVER do this again, then what purpose would it serve to tell hubby? None. Yes, it will relieve your guilt but at the expense of hurting him. Is relieving your guilt more important to you than hurting an innocent party? I hope not.
And *stay away from this man*. If he’s at your house to see hubby…leave and go shopping.
And by the way, I don’t ever buy the excuse of “I was drunk”. You were drunk because *you drank* (it was your choice) and unless you were passed out, you did have some control over your actions. So, please stop with the “I am a really good girl, NEVER would even think of doing something like this” Apparently that’s not true, because you did do it. At least be willing to admit the truth to yourself and accept responsibility for your actions.
2007-04-20 06:34:29 · answer #5 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this is crazy because i went through the same thing i understand and would not label you because i wasn't a cheater either. my husband had cheated on me previous to the kiss but i still wouldn't think about cheating on him and like you i was attracted to the guy. i think you should tell because if he were to ever find out another way he wouldn't trust you and would think you were hiding more it's just respectful it shows your honest and have nothing to hide. Ironically in my case i told my husband the friendship wasn't the same but later he cheated on me again and i moved back to the town were are mutual friend was and on a visit to his sister in laws house seeing her newborn we ran into each other again. Where's your husband he asked i told him he moved out with the other woman and i moved back to be close to my mom. We started hanging out again as just friends and ended up together and getting married. i have a clear concious as i did nothing while married but i'm sure my x husband thinks that now so i got revenge ahead of time without really doing anything wrong he got to be with me in the end anyway. Godbless you it will work out
2007-04-20 06:31:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell. But in telling know that there may be some repercussions, like you having to possibly earn back your husbands trust. Or him not wanting you to hang out with his friend anymore. When it comes down to it wouldn't you want him to be honest with you? I know I would... That is why I think you should tell.
Relationships are built on trust. It is much better for him to find out from you then any other person. At least then you can try to work out a comfortable arrangement together and maybe that will ease some of your guilt.
Most importantly is if you tell and work it out... make sure it never happens again... Good Luck
2007-04-20 06:24:35 · answer #7 · answered by ShiGirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Say nothing. Telling your husband would just be a way to alleviate your own feelings of guilt. You made a mistake. Keep your promise to yourself to do nothing further and recognize the danger of not doing so. Someday perhaps you can let him know, but there is no constructive value in telling him now. I'm sure you value honesty in your relationship, but its an oversimplification to say that complete honesty is always the best thing. Forgive yourself and move on. Use this opportunity to strengthen your committment to your husband. If you find you cannot do that, then there is something significantly wrong with your committment to your marriage.
2007-04-20 06:26:16 · answer #8 · answered by Mark G 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Definitely tell your husband. Tell him exactly what you did, every detail, so he knows you are being completely honest... just don't tell him what you DIDN'T do (you know "no touching, no sex...."), because that will make him think you were think about doing that, too. He will understand completely, and you won't be keeping a bad secret from him. What is a marriage without open and honest communications?
It won;t hurt yor husbands friendship with the guy - your husband would feel much worse if his friends DIDN'T find you attractive.
2007-04-20 06:22:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Don't tell, it will irreparably tear a hole in the fabric of your marriage and the cost just isn't worth what you actually did.
The fact of the matter is that you just shouldn't drink to excess at all, with anyone, you will see your resolve melt with alcohol and the next man that happens with might not be so polite.
Your thoughts need more work than your tongue, you are thinking along bad lines that can get you into trouble. You don't put yourself in a position where you have crushes after 16, and especially after marriage.
A man who knows his wife would kiss and make out with his friend will feel bound to take some action, not staying friends with his former friend is the least, leaving you might actually be the next. No one wants to be told they have been a fool
2007-04-20 06:22:32 · answer #10 · answered by justa 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋