He's been unfaithful in our marriage once and i suspect that he is now-even though he says he has crossed no boundaries this time-i love him but he says his love for me it not as strong-but he wont move out and he tries to talk to me as if nothing is wrong-but he never tries to spend time with me, or get closer to me-it seems that he has absolutely no feelings for me and it is hurting me so much-i dont understand how he can throw away all the years we have loved and cared for each other....im an attractive woman..very intelligent with a nice income...ive always been by his side....he acts like he only wants to be friends and nothin more with me- but i saw an email where he told some other chic who is also married that he loves her. What is that about? How should i be handling this right now? Lately ive been avoiding him but i miss him so much. How should i deal with this so that i can be at peace while taking care of my kids....he has changed so much and i dont know what to do
2007-04-20 05:53:07 · 13 answers · asked by girlygirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I suspect that he may be dallying around. He can toss out those years because he probably has designs on someone else. In the meantime he stays with you because of the security of the home and the comforts of the same. You see....his laundry is done, the bills are paid, dinner is prepared and the kids are raised...probably more by you than him but the home is a safe harbor in a storm.
Unfortunately it soulds as though you've been relegated to the position of house servant. No love, no physical contact, no sex. Not really that good at all.
Perhaps you should begin looking around at a way to extricate yourself from this relationship. If he tries to stop you it'll be for all the wrong reasons anyway. He doesn't want to lose the house, kids or the comforts that come with it. Plus....$$$$...child support. Big old chunk whacked out of the paycheck. You can bet if he says "Stay because I love you" its a ruse. I think his reasons will be more self serving than with your best interests in mind.
2007-04-20 06:03:03 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has been unfaithful before he is probably unfaithful again, What you need to do is go to a divorce lawyer immedidately and find out your rights. Don't waste your life in a marriage like this. It sounds like he doesn't want the responsibility of a wife and 4 children. He wants to have fun and be young again. Find out your rights and have a good talk with him. If he won't listen, just start talking and when you get to the part about child support for 4 children, he'll listen then. You have to remember, if your marriage is like this after only 10 years, what will it be like in 20 years? You will be 10 years older and it will be less likely you will find a nice man that will love and appreciate you and your children then. You can be at peace but moving forward. Don't wait for him to come home and blindside you with divorce papers because he has a 23 year old pregnant. Get going.
2007-04-20 06:05:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact A Counselor! Make Sure It Is Not One That Just Jumps To DIVORCE! He Maybe Going Through His Midlife Crisis Period! This Is Very Painful For You After All These Years! What Is His Problem? A Marriage Is Not Made From Money,Careers,Sex,Material Things! He Has Issues! You May Want To Move Out And Just See How LONELY He Gets After His Little Chicken Gets Tired Of Him! And YES She Will Get Tired Of Him And Move On! This Is 2007 Women Have Choices! Now Than Ever! Your TOO Kind!
2007-04-20 06:09:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is cheating on you and you know that. Do you really want to live with that? Is that okay with you? Of course not. Not only is he cheating on you, he's lying to you. Every woman has a sense of self-worth and knows how much they can take from a man before they are fed up. You need to assess your situation and ask yourself if this is the last straw. If it was me, I would get a divorce because no amount of time is worth my self-respect. 10 years is a lot of time but it's not forever. You know that his love for you is not as strong because his love is being transferred to this other woman. File for divorce, go find a nice townhouse and take your kids. Start over. You deserve better. Good Luck
2007-04-20 06:07:14 · answer #4 · answered by Shelly E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The pain you must be going through. Of course his feelings are not the same, you have been married 10 years and have four children. When you first met, you were probably in lust, aren't we all. You both need counseling to see if the marriage can be saved and under what conditions. You both need to talk to each other while there is someone coaching so it does not end up in a bitter fight.
2007-04-20 06:07:08 · answer #5 · answered by GoldieRetriver 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for you. I pretty much went thru the same thing. And after trying and trying to keep it together we ended up divorced after 14 years. I don't think this will go away and all of a sudden he will love you again. You are going to have to go on with your life and you will adjust! I didn't understand why my ex could give up all of the time, love, and our marriage so easily. I still don't understand but I know that life does go on and it does get easier. Good luck!
2007-04-20 06:04:46 · answer #6 · answered by Ann N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My feelings are,if theres no trust there can be no love..Its obvious
he is changing and going in a different direction than you,and trust me the children will suffer for it as well,they can sense whats going on..a temporary separation would only give him free reign to do as he pleases so that is not an option..Being in a one sided relationship is very unfair to you and your future happiness,not to mention the kids as well...It would be better to get out of the relationship now before it gets worse and the kids suffer more as you will..I know its tough but why stay in a situation that isn't meant to be?...good luck!
2007-04-20 06:05:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he already told you that he does not feel the same way as before, its sounds like he does not want to be with you. Especially if he has emails from other ladies. If counseling does not help, than probably the best thing is to seperate. He is wasting your time and his time by not moving out. Maybe he changes his mind after its too late. Best wishes and hope evrything works out!
2007-04-20 06:01:09 · answer #8 · answered by Latina4life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow!! that's a huge red flag warning to you that this isn't going well. If i were you I'd get a break from him so that you can give him time to think about what he really wants in his life. Seems like he's enjoying himself with other "married" women who probably don't care about their marriages either as long as they are having their fun. Good luck & avoid him hopefully this will either end it or make him come to you. Good luck!
2007-04-20 06:13:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the club honey! Get yourself a good investigator first then catch him . If he doesn't want to change then head for a lawyer with your documents from investigator in hand . Don't leave yourself open ! Hes being dishonest with you don't stand for it let him know after you get some evidence to pressure him into straightening out !
2007-04-20 06:01:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋