I have been married 4 yrs not so happily and have a 3 yr old son(possibly not hubbys).Hubby and i got married right out of college and were the perfect couple till hubbys gambling/alchol/partying set in . My hubby cheated on me our first year of marriage and i made the poor choice of having a fling with an ex.bf in retaliation.I got pregnant around this time and we moved to vegas for hubbys job.My son has never had a paternity test done but has the same piercing blue eyes the other man has(hubby and i have bown/hazel) as well as very similar ears/head shape i feel guilt whenever i see my son?Am i crazy could this just be in my head?
2007-04-20 05:50:03 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I never told a anyone about the affair ever!
2007-04-20 05:52:46 · update #1
Headed for divorce at moment
2007-04-20 05:56:45 · update #2
Then keep it that way. Who are you hurting anyway? If you eventually dump hubby then perhaps years later you can tell your son. However I don't see what you'd gain from that either.
It was stupid to have the affair based on retaliation. Of course I'm not telling you something you already don't know. I say let it ride. Put it out of your head. If hubby doesn't pick up on it then say nothing.
2007-04-20 05:56:07 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO you are not crazy. You are seeing what you are afraid of, and you are going to always see that until you decide how best to handle it. If you and the husband are ending the marriage, then you may want to think about proving paternity, to solve the problem that is in your heart.(That might open up another can of worms for you, the child, and the other man, so think about it). If you guys have made it and are going to be together as a couple, I recommend that you stop worrying about it and look for the ways that your son resembles your husband. Genetics do play a part of a persons appearance, but so does the environment. The way one walks, talks, etc is not based just on what their genes are, but who they see and hear and live.
2007-04-20 05:59:46 · answer #2 · answered by cat14675 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its Possible That This Child Is Not His. If He Thinks And Loves It As His Own. Who Mess It Up. Would You Tell Him To Let Him Know Or Just To Make You Feel Better. Maybe See A Counselor About The Guilt But Why Should You Ruin Your Family Dynamic When All Is Well.
2007-04-20 05:57:35 · answer #3 · answered by Jay B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a divorce is a good thing. Um hello simple mathematics here, if you both have brown eyes and your son has blue....um....I don't think its difficult to say he's not your husbands! Its not in your head, you know the truth deep down, your just denying the truth. Be a responsible parent and wife and tell your husband. Making him believe its his morally wrong and your son will pay the ultimate price for your mistakes.
2007-04-20 06:01:01 · answer #4 · answered by biggdaddy1669 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth will set you free. You owe that much to all parties involved. Regardless of the consequences you must deal with it. If you don't do it now you will potentially hurt the people in your life worse in the future for not being forthright. The guilt you are feeling now is never going to go away until you do something about it.
2007-04-20 05:57:51 · answer #5 · answered by Millionaire in training 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could certainly be looking for similarities between your exbf and your son. Perhaps you should ask yourself why. Is it that you want your son to be your husand's, or do you secretly want him to be your ex's? Think about what it would do to your husband and son if you were to pursue this. If it causes more ruin that good, then it's not worth it. You made a mistake and you need to live with that, but they shouldn't have to suffer just bc you are suffering.
2007-04-20 05:58:22 · answer #6 · answered by lilprof 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no it's not in your head, there's a very real chance that your son could be by the other man. tell your husband and you should get your son dna tested because if he is someone else's that man has a right to know he has a child.
2007-04-20 05:54:29 · answer #7 · answered by JM 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh gosh this is a tough one. You might want to think of telling your husband and then talking to your child. I mean he cant really get mad at you cheating if so hed be a hypocrite. He might be mad at the fact that you waited so long to tell him. I think he really knows if the baby is his (guys has some kind of instinct) Then talk to your husband and see if youre going to pursue a dna test. Good luck!
2007-04-20 05:56:35 · answer #8 · answered by Melissa A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Paybacks are Hell.....whats good for the goose is good for the gander.....always my philosophy, but not in your case. Forgive yourself. Call a doctor one that you don't use and see what you can do about finding out if he is your husbands or not.
You are feeling bad so you keep your distance from your husband and child.....He maybe your husbands....You need to free your mind by finding out the truth. The truth will set your free even though it maybe very painful.
2007-04-20 05:58:04 · answer #9 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Im assuming that your hubby does not know about the possibility that he is not his son. I think it will be best if you tell him. If the realtionship is not going to well, tell him that too. Be honest and let him know whats going on.
Best wishes!!!
2007-04-20 05:55:10 · answer #10 · answered by Latina4life 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋