My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months now, and he just dropped a bombshell on me.He has just revealed to me that he has a 7 year old son, and I am devastated.You might wonder how it was that he can get away with not telling me about this for 8 months.The boy’s mother lives in another state and has full custody.My boyfriend and the kid’s mother were never married, and he tells me that they only communicate with each other to discuss issues pertaining to their son.Apparently, my boyfriend only sees his son once a year, but for a month long visit during summer.I guess he now feels compelled to tell me because that visit is coming up soon.When we first started dating 8 months ago, it was love at first sight for both of us.I just knew that I had found my soul mate.I can already picture us married and having children together.We’re both 25 years old, and though we’d both dated other people,I’d never figured that he already had akidwithsomebodyelse.Thebiggestissueisdishonesty
2007-04-20 05:44:07 · 24 answers · asked by dede10527 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Shame on him for not telling you sooner...He should have. Having said that, he has a child. It's part of the package. You can either take it or leave it.
2007-04-20 05:50:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well....I have to admit that he never brought this up in the topic of discussion after eight mother-jumpin' months. Seems awfully unusual.
having a kid with another is fine but you'd think that if you did get married he would have already have explained that the reason his paycheck is short each week is because of child support payments.
Kinda makes you wonder what other kind of deep, dark secrets may exist, doesn't it?
Not a very good way to start a relationship. Unless being forthright and honest isn't an issue. Apparently it is for you but not really for him.
So...you may want to step back and look hard at this. If you can live with it fine but walk gingerly.
2007-04-20 05:53:05 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it was deceitful that he didn't reveal this sooner in the relationship ~ it shows a sense of distrust on his part. I mean, the only reason he fessed up is because his son was coming, otherwise you may have never known
I don't think this is a dealbreaker, however. I would talk to him about how keeping this from you made you feel, etc. Are you insecure that he has that tie that has nothing to do with you - that it is not a 'clean' start, so to speak? Or is it the fact the he is (I'm sure) paying child support and will for the next 12 years or so? Or is it the inconvenience?
2007-04-20 05:53:15 · answer #3 · answered by Clarissa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend probably waited so long to tell you because some women are turned off by the thought of dating a single father. It sounds like you both care about each other, and he should have told you earlier, but think of it this way: he finally told you he has a son. Once he told you, he gave you other information, such as how often he sees his son, the relationship he had with the child's mother, etc. If I were you, I would ask if I could meet the child when your boyfriend goes to visit. It sounds like he really was just looking for the best time to tell you and was unsure of how you'd react.
2007-04-20 05:51:53 · answer #4 · answered by Sassi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how can you picture yourself married to someone who you hardly know. I can tell that he coudl't trust you enough or didn't have the balls to be frank with you about his child. Why are you devastated by him having a child with someone else? which part bothers you the most? him having a child period or him having a child and keeping it from you. Fron what you're telling us it seems like it bothers you that he has a child period. If i were you it wouldn't bother me to know that he has a child with someone else as long as he takes care of that child & has nothing to do with the mother emotionally. But- it tells alot about him that he kept his own child from you. Is he that ashamed of the kid or what?? that's sad. I don't think you should be dating you God knows what other important stuff he's kept from you. I'm going through something similar only it'st he other way around. My baby's dad has been dating many women since our breakup (5years ago) and doesn't tell the gurls he dates that he has a child and when they go to his house while our kid is there he tells them that it's his little cousin. Isn't that sad? i think it's pathetic of a man to be ashamed of his kids. What if that were you? wouldn't you have no respect for you ex if you & him had a child and he was ashamed of him?? Good luck and best advice- move on
2007-04-20 05:57:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a break. He was 17, maybe 18 and made a mistake and ended up a father. Love and support him in his relationship with his son. He shouldn't have to keep paying for that mistake. Just because he wasn't ready to be a full time dad at 17 doesn't mean he won't be a wonderful dad now. At least he still has a relalationship with his son! Encourage him, maybe he can grow to have an even bigger part in his life!
2007-04-20 05:53:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a problem about him having a child or is the problem he didn't tell you before now?
If it's because he has a child then move on as the kid comes first. If it's because he didn't tell you sooner then give him a break - he didn't know where the relationship was going and probably didn't want to share that information until he felt it was more serious. Unless you asked him if he had children and he lied and said no, let it go.
2007-04-20 05:51:52 · answer #7 · answered by Stefka 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Doing the math, he was quite young, maybe still in high school.
It sounds like he thinks he made a mistake and is ashamed and unsure of how to tell you. He may also be embarrassed by the fact that he sees his son so little. It makes him seem like he may not be good dad material.
I'd cut him some slack on this one but it's time to have a heart to heart about trust before you take this any further.
2007-04-20 05:54:57 · answer #8 · answered by nailgal2005 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ookay...calm down. It is rare now to find a guy who doesn't have a kid. You should actually feel lucky, that though his son is in another state, he's involved with him. Either through phone and letters or getting him a month out of the summer. So it took him 8months to tell you? Maybe he was afraid of how you'd react. Just remember, whatever goes on between him and his ex, is between him and his ex..not him, his ex, and you. And don't be surprised if you dont see him as much that month that his son is with him.
2007-04-20 05:52:01 · answer #9 · answered by seraphim12002 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lolololololololololololololololololololo... Internet boyfriend just screams I'm an idiot for believing this can work. Oh my god your an idiot, how about going out and having a "social" to actually get a real boyfriend instead of an e-boyfriend.
2016-03-18 04:30:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you do? You only have two choices--accept it or move on. Only you can make that choice. But if decide to stay and accept it, then accept it fully. Realize that he has an obligation to this child that must be fulfilled (no griping about child support) and when the child is visiting, you need to make the child feel welcome (it's not his fault Mom and Dad are no longer together). If you can't do those things...MOVE ON!
2007-04-20 05:53:56 · answer #11 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋