My family is on the verge of being homeless. My mother, who lives in a large house, and is financially secure, offers no assistance. Yet she has the gall to pretend to care about us. The act is maintained in order to avoid censure.
My father's death left her free to hoard money in the bank, while depriving us during our childhood.
Understand, I do not use drugs, smoke, drink, or sleep around. I am a single, disabled mother, struggling to raise two young children. Without subsidized housing, our income is inadequate.
When asked to assist in the past (3 times in 43 years) she immediately donned her victim cloak and began bleeting, pathetically, about her own financial distress. She and I are estranged because of this. Though I have not denied access to the children.
Rather than enter a shelter, I will approach her, in writing, a final time. I will request a deposit for permanent, affordable housing. ($2,500-$3,000) What is the best method of getting it?
2007-04-20 05:30:23 · 16 answers · asked by Dove 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I wish people would read the question before answering. Pfeniks, jasonlai,christin, KEN A, rentonga, J.S., seekingA: Thank-you for your answers. I have sold everything I can, including our clothing. As far as child support goes: My husband had an attorney; I did not. Need I say more? I've been seeking subsidized housing for a long, long time. I even had the assistance of Congresswoman DeLauro's Housing Specialist but there is a grave shortage and those lucky enough to get on waiting lists still wait years...Let me put it this way: Two of the social workers who have tried to help me have had their eyes opened as to the real state of all of these programs that they thought could help people. As far as work goes: I said I'm disabled. I am able to work PT and have done so in the past but with two young kids who would have to be in daycare...I live on Soc. Sec. disability. It is not enough. I avail myself of all other programs designed to help those in these situations.
2007-04-28 01:15:10 · update #1
sure it would be nice if she'd help you but your a grown up now yourself...and I'd think you would want to take care of your own responsibly...I'm sorry for you situation.but as for me I know I'd never ask my 88 yr old mother for a dime....if she chose to help me that would be great..but ask....never...go to your church and see what they can do for you.......maybe it will be just to point you in the right direction to get help...good luck, and don't ask mom anymore..... .you've already done that ....and she gave you her answer.... NO.....now move on and I'll pray for you...good luck........
2007-04-27 14:21:28 · answer #1 · answered by Marie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I truly sympathize with your situation. However, it is NOT your mother's responsibility to take care of you/your children and/or pick up the slack whenever you ask. I don't mean to sound cold, but that's the reality. It sounds to me that you are not close to your mother, nor have you been for a long time. Here's a piece of advice for you: "You can catch more flies w/honey than vinegar." Maybe being a little less abrasive with your mom, will make her WANT to help you. I'm not sure where you are from, but I live in a very small town in Maryland, and if I were on the verge of homelessness, it would take a lot more then $2,500-$3,000 to get me back on my feet with only ONE child; just a thought.
And, most importantly, WHY aren't you pursuing this man for child support. Who cares if he had a lawyer?? You didn't make those kids alone, you know?
I wish you the best.
try these links
p.s. email me where you are from...not specifics, just what part of the country, and maybe I can help you with your research.
2007-04-28 03:19:45 · answer #2 · answered by Chell B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are a few sites you should take a look at.
http://federaljobs.net/disabled.htm
It's possible that you could have a higher income. This site gives you options. The ones below can help you collect alimony or child support, and make some quick cash.
In a worst case scenario? Sell stuff. An empty house is better than no house at all. Things under $300 can usually be sold for free in the local newspaper. Sell bags of the kids' clothes that they've outgrown for $50 or more.
Whether it's right or wrong that your mother is neglecting you (and it may be that she's fallen on harder times that you know about-or that she's emotionally unable to help), the fact remains that you need money, and she is unwilling or unable to give it. Please check these things out. Good luck to you and your kids.
2007-04-27 14:34:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No reason (or excuse) ( or lawyer) is good enough for the courts to refuse your children support by their biological father. Was there something said by you so that support was not granted, like 'I don't need any help from him'? Through court order, in order for you to work, day care assistance should be awarded you thru the childrens dad. Go back to court, push the issue. That's where you need to be going, anyway. Your mom is a lost cause, forget it.
Also, if its tough to find decent, affordable housing where you are, and this may sound impossible at this time, but, move away. Do some research as to where to go first.
2007-04-28 02:47:50 · answer #4 · answered by fruitsalady2003 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a typical scenario of "mommy dearest" syndrome, this woman, your mother more importantly your children's grandmother clearly doesn't give a **** whether you AND your kids [her grandchildren] end up in the ever loving street, so to answer one of your questions I would have to say YES punish her by keeping your kids away from her, I say "punish" like that is actually what you will be doing to her because clearly she doesn't give a **** about you or what happens to the kids so yeah! if she doesn't help in your time of dire need cut her out entirely! anything else would be fake and there is enough of that bullshit around these days, look if she has the money and you clearly state that she indeed does have more than enough to spare and she can't even conjure up a loan to get you and your kids safe, than who needs her? you? the kids? who? as to your question whether she actually owes you? well, as others have stated that issue is debatable but I say who cares? she isn't acting very grandmotherly or even motherly so if she can't give you a loan at minimum CUT HER LOOSE! Sorry, no clue how do get an asshole like that to help, she is more than a miser she is sick! I wouldn't want my kids anywhere near her ...........regardless. now give me 10 points!
2007-04-20 17:17:10 · answer #5 · answered by KEN A 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A sad story for sure.
You have the right idea to request a deposit to enable you and the children to get into afforable housing but I doubt she will be giving it to you.
Are you working full time? Are you behind with your rent? Are you receiving social assistance and subsidized housing?
Without the full story it is hard to offer you any advise.
I'd only suggest you re-visit Social Assistance and advise them of your delema because I don't think your Mom will change her spots now.
2007-04-27 17:49:11 · answer #6 · answered by rentongal1958 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for you current condition, through no fault of your own I'm sure. However, you are not your mother's banker, so you don't know the true condion of her finances, looks can be deceiving. Use your motivation as a mother to come up with another solution, search online for help in your area and don't cut your mother off because she doesn't hand over the money you seem to think you deserve just because you are her daughter. It's called extortion. There is help somewhere, you just have to put forth the effort to find it. I wouldn't be in the financial position to hand over 2500-3000 dollars. Ask her if you all can move in with her until you can come up with the money yourself, that's always better than a shelter and beggars can't be choosers.
2007-04-20 05:45:23 · answer #7 · answered by foodieNY 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
she doesn't really have to help you, just because ya family and you are disabled does not automatically mean she has to help you out.
remember you are asking her a favour, so the only way to get her to give you the money is to make her WANT to give you the money.
Everyone wants to feel that they are apprieciated not just a fall back position. If you were her would you give you the money? You don't sound close to her!
think about her, why would she want to? what is she getting out of it? what are you going to give her for $3k?
I believe once you stop thinking about things from your perspective and it does sound dire and start thinking about her, the reason to give will come to you.
Good luck
2007-04-20 05:54:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Research some of her history and find out why she won't give. What you find could be quite powerful, but will come at a price.
I find in diplomacy and negotiation the best tactic is to find a reason for resistence to a beneficial deal and to strike it with the most force, thus allowing for both to find common ground by a common enemy.
2007-04-28 03:28:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you're an adult and your mother isn't holding on to any inheritance from your father, she really doesn't owe you any money.
However, the father of your two children does owe you money. You haven't mentioned if he's dead and since you don't sleep around you must know who he is. Why aren't you trying to get money out of him?
2007-04-20 05:40:46 · answer #10 · answered by CC 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋