We had a really great relationship...then he found out his ex-wife was getting remarried to the guy she had an affair with. Strangely (not really) our romantic connection seemed to be almost instantly severed. He broke it off a short while later, and admitted that he wasn't ready to date so soon after his divorce.
We have been trying the friends thing, but it is really tough. As far as he knew, it was working fine but then I drunk-dialed, and confessed that he broke my heart. He was supposed to accompany me to a friend's wedding in 2 wks. but backed out a week after the phone call saying he didn't think it would be a good idea. I was really mad (and hurt) and other than a few (necessary) emails exchanged, we haven't talked. (We are both involved with music at church that needed some discussion.)
Oops, I'm outta room. Please see add'l details section!
2007-04-20 05:06:28 · 16 answers · asked by loves2sing 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So, here's the dilemma. It's been almost 2 mos., and I don't know what to do. I'm not over him. I don't want to be. Sometimes I think he will come to his senses, but I don't want to be diluted about the situation either. I DO go out with my friends, and I HAVE been trying to see other guys, but I'm a single parent I can't be out every night of the week!
No contact with him would not be an option. I could maybe do limited contact, but will that help? Should I just try to be his friend? Is it totally ridiculous to think that when he does some healing, he might come back?
I don't want to make any short-term decisions that negatively impact a potential long-term relationship...even if it is just a friendship. (Although of course I want it to be more!)
2007-04-20 05:06:36 · update #1
I am not a young mother (anymore anyway!), and I didn't mean being at the bar 7 nights a week. I just mean that it is harder to meet people when you have the schedule of a child to work around! I have ALWAYS been both responsible in regards to my parenting role. I was single for 8 years, and met my ex at church.
2007-04-20 05:21:33 · update #2
As hard as it is to hear, he's not ready yet, and it kinda (this is my assumption, and may be way off) sounds like he's a big baby. Be friends, but find someone else to love who will love you back.
2007-04-20 05:09:49 · answer #1 · answered by It's Me 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is probably mad at every woman on the face of the earth right now, I would give it a SHORT time to see if he comes out of hiding. In your situation I wouldnt stop going out to try to meet someone else. Dont limit yourself to solely one relationship weigh your options and then make the best decision for you and your child. It is hard to try to make someone love you, Ive been down that road.. believe me it never works out! A good philosophy..."love the people who love you". You mentioned that you see him at church, be very friendly but dont make every effort to speak to him.. let him come to you. Oh, I also would not mention that you are seeing other guys even if they are "just friends" you wouldnt want him to put you in the same catagory with his ex wife. good luck!
2007-04-20 05:18:41 · answer #2 · answered by lopez41780 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it but maybe he is still in love with his ex or still going thru his grieving process. Do yourself a favor, don't waste anymore time. It will only make you miserable. Someone gave me a poem - I wish I knew where they got it. It starts with - if a man loves you nothing will keep him away- if he doesn't nothing will make him stay. It has helped me put things into perspective.
We tend to get hung up thinking that they will realize we are good and come back to us. You can't make someone want you. Take care of your son and go about your life. You will find someone who really cares. Don't settle for less than you deserve!
2007-04-20 09:40:01 · answer #3 · answered by Babycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wake up and smell the coffee. After 2 months, it is clearly over. You may never know exactly why but you need to accept the fact. Right now you are very needy and that will drive anyone away. Give yourself a rest from dating. Talk to a therapist if necessary.
It's over. Move on. Sorry.
2007-04-20 05:11:25 · answer #4 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well think about it carefully: what CAN you do in this situation? you cant twist his arm and force him to take you back. its not like you can say something so magical that will make him think "oh yeah i didnt think of it like that, ill have you back right away please"! being one of those "annoying women" is the WORST thing you can do - if anything will make it even worse.
perhaps you were a rebound for him, perhaps you are not.
IMO i think he needs time to deal with the changes that are going on in his life.
think about how upset you feel about this whole saga, and then try to think about how upset he could possibly be about the divorce/woman he chose for life. just because one gets a divorce doesnt mean they hate their ex. he probably needs time to come to terms with her progression in life, which in turn will help his.
be easy on him - if he doesnt want to talk - as sad as it is - dont pester him - AVOID the temptation. sometimes showing you respect a persons space and time to think, pays off better than trying to press someone for answers/actions.
2007-04-20 05:18:09 · answer #5 · answered by ilovecokeacole 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to move on girl, I understand that it seems impossible, why would you want to be with a big baby? this guy is going to end up hurting you, just because he doesn't know what he really wants, he might feel that you will be waiting until he is ready, you shouldn't, go out with your friends, have fun and just enjoy, don't pay attention to this looser.
2007-04-20 05:12:56 · answer #6 · answered by AleOmar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read your first 2 words........."Relationship ended". Leave it at that. Discontinue torturing yourself by trying to make something out of nothing. You've already wasted too much precious time on him. What about YOU and your child/children. That's where all your attentions should be at this time.
2007-04-20 05:13:09 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he still has many isues to deal with regarding his ex so, knowing from experience its best to let him go for now... don't even try to stay friends with him because it won't work out. Move on and go to your friends wedding alone, you'll have fun.
2007-04-20 05:11:42 · answer #8 · answered by Hi its me again 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just move on, it seems like he's not worth it anyway. And if he tries to come back to you take it slowly or he could break your heart even more.
2007-04-20 05:21:58 · answer #9 · answered by Trisscar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be a very young mother. The mothers who are out every night of the week don't make good mothers. You don't have to date men 7 nights a week to move on either.
you have some growing up to do, and I hope you do it sence your a mother.
2007-04-20 05:12:48 · answer #10 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋