Hi everyone.I really need your help. This morning i wokr up and noticed a miss call on my husband's phone. I checked it and it was one of his lady friends trying to call him at 3:39am this morning. She called him last night after 11 and they talked briefly. After the missed call I got upset and i began searching his phone to see if she may have sent him messages or so. I discovered that he has been texting her quite often and telling her things like "where is she?" and she would ask him to pick her up and so on. He would usually tell me of her. She was just released from jail for murder and he said she is just a little girl that he is befrending. I dont like there friendship. I began argueing with him about this this morning .........first he was calm and he said that i dont have anything to worry about since I should how he would never disrespect me like that. I continues to argue and he said that he is tiard of me and my insecurity and that our marriage is over.What do u think?
2007-04-20 04:58:05 · 32 answers · asked by viddy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi .Thanks a whol lot>Im seeing something with all your suggestions. Im only married 1yr and 8 mths. I know that leaving him will disappoint lots of ppl. But guys Let me tell you all I DONT CARE. Not bragging or anything> Im am a very pretty woman and i have a nice heart I know i can lead a sucessful life alone. But I love him.I need to think this out carefully. I just called him at work and he siad he is busy
2007-04-20 05:12:05 · update #1
There are definite concerns here, I think. There is no such thing as a "friendship" such as this. Frankly, I think you have a couple of options. You should suggest marriage counseling to him. If he isn't willing, and still won't accept there's a problem, then you should probably see a lawyer.
My deepest sympathy for your situation.
2007-04-20 05:01:30 · answer #1 · answered by CulturalWiz 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Ok...there is definitely an issue here. One, there is no reason that a lady friend should be calling your husband after 11pm, much less at 3:39am. If there was nothing more going on than "befriending" she would respect your marriage to your husban. Also, if he has been picking her up then he should have the respect for you to inform you prior to it and get your opinions on it.
You have every right to be upset and to voice your opinions to your husband. There are definite issues. If he is willing to end your marriage over your "insecurities", he needs to understand that his actions are the reason for those insecurities.
I'm sorry you're going through this...I've been there. Good Luck!
2007-04-20 05:13:38 · answer #2 · answered by Tina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Released from jail for murder? You're kidding right? I don't buy this 'just a little girl he was befriending'. just where did he meet this "little girl'? On a prison pen-pal site?
Sweetheart....he's up to no good and you aren't anywhere in the picture here. His comment "I would never disrespect you like that' means what? Seems like hes doing so know and assumes you must be an idiot if he's this blatant about it.
If she's calling at the wee hours of the morning thats not good either. Just what do they talk about anyway? Maybe you should take a good look at this whole situation and boot him out to his little jailbird. Especially if she murdered someone. Wouldn't you hate to be the victim of a love triangle and you never saw it coming?
2007-04-20 05:06:24 · answer #3 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ask him to meet her. You share a home, family, finances and lives, sharing friends comes in that package. If he does not want you to or let you meet her then you have something to worry about. Otherwise trust your husband, if he was truly hiding something I'm sure he would have done more to ensure you wouldn't find out what he was up to. It's natural to feel threatened by this new woman but he did chose you to spend his life with, so find comfort and security in that and get the courage to take more of an active roll in his social life. What you're doing is annoying, he's answering your questions but not with the answers you think you should be hearing/getting. So go out and find out for yourself. But if you don't trust husband this much, is the relationship worth saving or working this hard for?
2007-04-20 05:14:57 · answer #4 · answered by jake p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Insecurity and jealousy are very difficult factors in a marriage. I could never tolerate it and I made sure I was emotional secure and my wife as well before marriage. Sometimes people fall out of love for one reason or another. If this is the case with your husband there may be little you can do but focus on your own needs without him.
2007-04-20 05:07:04 · answer #5 · answered by Ray2play 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have cause for concern. Even if this is merely a friendship he has with that woman, it is taking him away from time with you and it could be a lot more. He may be picking a fight with you to make him feel less guilty. Regardless of the extent of this friendship, he is cheating on you. If your marriage is indeed over, get a good attorney and get all you can from him. He needs a wake up call.
2007-04-20 05:06:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is emotionally cheating. He has no bussiness getting involved with this woman and getting caught up in her problems. you have every right to be concerned and upset with his behavior. Cheating starts in the mind so be carefull what his true intentions about this woman really is. You honestly need to put an end to all contact concerning the both of them. This is not appropriate and he disrespecting you! tell him enough is enough and you are not comfortable with the situationand he needs to stop. This woman has some severe issues in her life and you do not need them in your life in anyway or form! This isn't about your insecurity and don't let your husband put any guilt on you so that he can play around with this other person!! What he is saying and doing is totally wrong. This is your marriage,and your life and your emotions that are at stake here. He is not single and your feelings should be the first he considers without justifying any means of continuing on any friendship with her. you have every reason in the world to be concerned when he is allowing this person to cause problems in your marriage. She needs to go and she needs to go now! It is time to change his phone numberand stop all vcontact with her. This is unaceptable to you and he needs to consider your feelings on it. If he can not tell him you will be calling a mariage counselor to resolve this problem one way or the other. he is setting himself up for temptation and expercting you to play a part in it. Tell him that if he chooses to ever cross that line in your marriage it is over. tell him he better think about this because you mean bussiness. You should mean more to him and the way this is all making you feel. If it doesn't you need to reconsider your relationshipwith him and he needs to reconsider his with you. Give him the choice and don't back down from it.....do not accept him putting any guilt trip on you where your emotions with him stand. He is using this to be selfish so that he can do what he wants and get his way......even at the cost of hurting your marriage to him. Stop him no matter what it takes. Good Luck sweetie. Give it to him good.
2007-04-20 06:42:52 · answer #7 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your marriage is really over cuz of that, then he was just looking for a way out anyway. no woman, friend or relative should be calling someone else's husband at that time of night. she sounds dangerous. and she doesnt have respect for you or your marriage to do the things she's doing. in a marriage, the result should be whats best for both parties, and if he cant respect your feelings, and he's defending her then something else is going on. if he walks, let him. you will eventually get over it. you are not being honored in your marriage. most importantly, your safety is what matters.
2007-04-20 05:08:41 · answer #8 · answered by Audrean L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him like I told my spouse "hell a friend of yours is a friend of mine",Really this sounds so lame! He know damn well,a friend of either sex should be calling your phone that time of morning!I always say if our phones(home phone, cell phones etc.)rings after a certain time its an emergency or somebody needs to check their friend! That is a total disrespect having a female call your phone at anytime of the day or night knowing you have a wife that you suppose to love and respect to the fullest ! As far as him saying that the marriage is over,If said that easily ,it wasn't one in the beginning,although he's tripping and very guilty,he'll be alright! Trust me I have been married 11years and I'm very well taught!!
2007-04-20 05:26:32 · answer #9 · answered by hot chocolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think one person in a marriage can make a unilateral decision to make friends with a paroled murderer, without their partner having any choice!! Also, if she is his friend then you should be included in most of their outings and calls. Married couples should share their friends. Do you think this jailbird would agree to that, or is it a "different" kind of friendship, hmm?
Can you ask him if he'd feel okay if you went out and got to know a male murderer from jail and started being close friends with him, going to see him and accepting phone calls in the middle of the night? Could that make him see things in a different light?
If he really meant it that this "friendship" is more important than your marriage, then I don't see what you can do about it. That would be his choice, to ruin the relationship he has.
2007-04-20 05:03:16 · answer #10 · answered by charmedchiclet 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This is really hard to answer, you need to talk to him again. It could be genuine, but why is he friends with someone who was in jail for murder? And why be so secretive? Also why are there txts on there saying 'where is she' that has set alarm bells ringing for me.
If it is all innocent and you had a bad argument over it, maybe he said that your marriage is over just to hurt you???
It really is too hard to determine, I think you need to talk to him some more, only he can tell you the real true.
Good luck x
2007-04-20 05:05:37 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋