How do I get my husband to help more with chores.....?

Question

Every morning my husband drinks his coffee and watches sports center while I get both my kids ready and myself for daycare and work. I drop them off and I pick them up to come home do all the cooking, wash laundry, give kids bath and put them to bed. I have left him notes (cause he gets home before me) to help with some chores. He refuses to clean bathrooms, cook or wash dishes. How can I make him understand that I need some help. If I say anything to him I have to scream and start a fight for him to do anything and then it only lasts about a week. We both work full time jobs through the week, but he doesn't even put in part-time on the household chores or with the kids. He says he just doesn't think about doing housework. What can I do.......?

Answer 1

Well since he's not up to assist with home and children. Announce that you'll be giving notice to ONE of your full time jobs. Shall it be the one outside the home, where you have financial reward.......OR the one inside the home where you have NO assistance or financial reward. I would be curious to see/hear his reaction.

Answer 2

If discussing it has not worked, then you might have to resort to more drastic measures. Men can be thick-headed sometimes. Just telling them or asking does not have the same effect as being hit with a psychological 2 by 4. Start doing for just you and the kids....for example: stop doing your husbands laundry...when he runs out of clean clothes, he will wash them. If he wants a home cooked meal...let him cook for himself (mighty tasty it will be I'm sure...NOT!!), when he comes out of the shower and has no towel to dry himself...and his business shirt is sticking to his back and the office is laughing....it wont be long bfore he gets the message that marriage is a partnership.

Men dont realize how much they depend on us....and take us for granted. Somtimes a short "strike" is all it takes to get them back into the realization that we do 10 times more in an hour then some do all day(work,cooking,cleaning,laundry,bathing kids, help with homework, taking care of pets, car pool, grocery shopping, dealing with toddlers tempertantrums,etc etc!!!) ....and being a sperm donor is not enough. You dont need a village to raise a child...just a participating spouse will do. :)

Answer 3

Stop doing it all. Let the house get a little messy, stop doing his laundry and put dinner off for a little while. He'll clean, do his own laundry when he runs out of underwear and cook when he's hungry or the kids won't shut up about how hungry they are!

The only reason he doesn't help out is because he doens't feel the need to when you're doing it all. You are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of and quite possibly it's not on purpose, it's just that his standards of clean are lower than yours.

Answer 4

Sounds like time to renegotiate this marriage!
You guys need to take some time, just the two of you, to get away. Let him know you want to talk about household responsibilities ahead of time but that you just want to relax and spend some time with him as a couple first.
When the time comes, don't overwhelm him with your complaints. Be very specific. Give him a core group of chores that you would like him to take over.
Don't just tell him you need more help or that he needs to pitch in more, that's to vague and leaves a man feeling insecure about what to do.
Let him know exactly what you want him to do around the house, ask him if you think that's fair and be willing to negotiate.
After the two of you have agreed, shake on it. It's a deal so seal it with a handshake!
Above all, do not criticize the job he does. They are his chores that he has to do his way.
Good luck. This has worked for me.
p.s. leaving notes may seem like a good idea but it's really passive /aggressive

Answer 5

Tell him either he starts helping out or your just going to spend money on a maid. I would also mention no sex until he starts doing his share. I work full-time and I always help my wife out before I do something I like for instance, laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, dusting, general cleaning, dishes, and well that does not include lawn mowing and we live on over 4 acres and I push mow around almost 2 acres of that all manual no power drive jusat classic push machine.

Does he not like his home most men like there homes maybe it is time to go on a strike and just let the house go to the crapper and then he will see all that you do.

Your husband sounds like a lazy guy and he needs some incentive to get off his butt if is there something you know he really likes for instance some guys like golf. Hide his clubs until he starts helping out tell him honey you can have back your stuff when you give me a hand around the house.

Answer 6

Quit doing things for him. Let him cook his own meals, wash his own clothes, and clean the house. If he's too lazy to to the above, let him suffer. Sooner or later he'll get the picture. I am also married and I cook some meals, wash all my clothes, and wash the dishes in addition to mowing the grass and taking out the trash. You may have spoiled him by doing everything for him.

Answer 7

Stop doing his laundry, washing his dishes, picking up after him, and buying his food (it helps if he likes different things than you and the kids.) Refuse to to anything for him that he asks you to and explain that maybe if you weren't so tired from running the household you would be more inclined to help him. Do only things for yourself and the kids.

Answer 8

okay my gf does this to me all the time im the same he sorry any how she stops cleaning after about a week the house is gross and i cant take it any more so i do it durning this time i get no sex and the cold shoulder the first time this happend to me i asked if she was going to clean any time soon she replied if it bothers you clean it your self so now i know when im not helping by the look of the house.also put a rule in effect(after he finlly gets it )one cooks one cleans for dinners and lunchs

Answer 9

Throw him the mop and walk out the door...shout "I aint coming back untill you have cleaned this S**Thole up and till you agree to equally share chores" Then walk away to your friends or mothers with a suitcase.
Kids need to help aswell but concentrate on the Man first.

Answer 10

Previous marriage my ex was the same way.
We entered into our relationship one way, then as we progressed and added things to our lives that we each wanted we took care of the things we added.
But it always seemed that she could add things that required more work but then expected me to do that work. When I added things to our lives I took care of it. Period. Never ragged on her to help. But the things that were important to her, she felt I should always help her do the work.
Now understand, I did cook, pick up and do laundry. I did it the same way before we dated, during our dating, and during our marriage. The only time it was "wrong" was after we got married.
Men expect our lives to stay the same as when we are dating. That is the time you are feeling out if you can live with someone and their quirks. If you don't like a partners quirks before marriage, then let your feelings be known and don't try and change people after you get married. Make changes before or go find another person. Before the commitment.