also please advise me on how to handle the situation, what to do,how to answer him.we have been married for 13 years and over the last few years he has put me down, by saying that i am stupid, good for nothing.i dont work its by mutual choice, we have 2 kids.i have put on a bit of weight over the years, i am not a little over weight, and he calls me beached whale.(i am far from being that) he often shouts at me and orders me around, tells me what to do, by helping him , he gives me small asignments to do.which i do.and if i dont do them to his satisfaction, he tells me i am lazy.
anyway i just wanted peoples output
thanks in advance
2007-04-20 04:50:24 · 27 answers · asked by the s 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it is mental and emotional abuse. he is giving you a hint that he doesnt want to be with you anymore. he is telling you he is tired of you. find a lawyer because it is time to get out.
2007-04-20 04:52:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
This type of abuse can hurt worse than being physically abused. I can understand why you've stayed with this man for so long. He's verbally stomped you into the ground, to the point that you believe him & have lost all feelings of self worth & self confidence. This is not a healthy environment for your children either. Ask yourself if you deserve to be treated this way for the rest of your life. I think you know the answer to that. Do not allow yourself to be used as a "verbal punching bag" anymore. It's hard under normal circumstances, to have a good self image when we put on weight & don't feel good about ourselves. Your feelings are compounded by an abusive husband. He's a cruel man & you're allowing him to walk all over you every chance he gets. He has serious issues too, that need to be addressed, but of course, he'd be the last person to admit it. If your self image needs work, then start there & do what it takes to make yourself feel agood about YOU!!!! Perhaps then you will find the strength to put a stop to this verbal abuse that you have endured for so long. This process won't happen overnight but you can attain it if you really want to. Get to the point where you feel strong both emotionally & physically, then you can do what you have to for yourself & your children. You deserve a better life & until your truly realize that, you'll be stuck in an abusive cesspool. Make a plan for what it will take to leave this man, & find the happiness you deserve & likewise for your children. If you only knew what all of this is doing to your children, you would have left yesterday. Be strong & get out before he starts physically abusing you as well. That'll be next. Keep your chin up!!!! You can do it!!!!
2007-04-20 12:29:17 · answer #2 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is Yes, without a doubt.... Maybe you should try talking to him from the heart. When you two are alone, maybe at night or when you are sitting in bed on a weekend morning. Bring up earlier days when you started dating or were newlyweds. Just bring up sweet things that youve done. Then ask him what happened to your husband, what happened to the love. Bring up your wedding vows. Tell him hes your husband and hes the one person who is undoubtably supposed to be there for you and hes turned into the one person who makes you feel like a piece of dirt. Maybe a little reminder that you are a human being would help and just tell him how you feel. Tell him hes breaking down your spirit and you know that you dont deserve it. Tell him you want the man that you fell in love with back. If this doesnt help then maybe its time to take more drastic action, If you're truly unhappy at this point with the way everything is going then maybe a separation would be whats best for you. No one should have to deal with that type of abuse from anyone else. Good Luck!
2007-04-20 11:58:33 · answer #3 · answered by LilMiss143 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So as you read you can see that the general consensus is, Yes it is abuse. Now what are you going to do with this information? If you are living a miserable life with you husband you don't need validation from us to reassure that whats going on your you life is bad for you. As far as advice in regards to how to handle the situation. Obviously he is not a nice person and you need to decide, from what you know about him, whether or not he is capable of change. Be strong and confront him with your feelings and insist that he make immediate changes to correct his behavior. Make sure to include consequences if he does not change his beahvior and be prepared to follow through. If you cannot do this, then you may want to examine your own backbone and realize that your timidness is enabling him. 11 years of good marriage before this behavior deserves a chance to fix it.
2007-04-20 12:34:27 · answer #4 · answered by Millionaire in training 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I lived in that situation for over ten years unfortenatley as much as I loved him at that point he didn't love me anymore. be careful if he has a temper it can turn violate. We tried counseling that helped for a while then I found out he was having an affair and he was just turning everything around to look like it was me and not him doing something wrong. can be very emotional roller coaster. sounds like he's trying to make himself feel better by belittling you. Stand up for yourself in a calm non yelling manner. that is mental abuse and it hurts most of the time more than physical abuse.
hope this helps
2007-04-20 12:01:41 · answer #5 · answered by TANYA C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well why don't you tell casonova to go find a new wife. oh.......wait......the kids, the 13 years of commitment, that's right.....i see............well..........it sounds like you got a girly man cuz ain't no real man i know ever called a girl fat or hurt a girls feelings. AND SMALL ASSIGNMENTS? what's that? you wanna know what real men want a wife to do: look pretty, make us a sandwich, let us watch t.v. when we get off work and don't get mad when we forget aniverseries and stuff. everything else is the man's job cuz we are big manly men.
but surely yahoo answers is not going to save your marriage, maybe the people on here could at least say nice things that you ought to already know and even validate your feelings. but if you really want to fix this situation i think you know what you have to do.
2007-04-20 12:02:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes this sounds like verbal abuse and he needs professional help because maybe theirs been things from his up bringing that makes him feel as if this is the way he suppose to treat a woman besides your his wife not his own personal door mat and the sooner he learns that the better off you the kids and his self will be. Good Luck!
2007-04-20 11:57:22 · answer #7 · answered by 2sweet4u 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is verbal abuse which is creating emotional abuse. He apparantly has no respect for you., and taking it out on you for his own lack of self esteem. Let him know how you feel, in that you will no longer accept his demeaning comments/behavior. Perhaps a professional counselor can assist him with his attitude/thinking, and you regain your self esteem as well. Thus get you both on the right track of respect for each other. Best wishes
2007-04-20 11:57:50 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, this is emotional abuse. He obviously feels threatened that you'll leave him at some point, so he's making you feel unconfident, unworthy, ans lowering your self esteem. It's a good sign that your instincts are already telling you that how he's treating you is wrong. We teach people how to treat us, so if you submit to his behavior, not only will it not stop, but it will get worse. See an attorney, serve him, and see how fast he changes his act...if not, proceed with the divorce.
2007-04-20 11:57:25 · answer #9 · answered by Miami Lilly 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has started abusing you mentally now-but be careful not to take his physical abuses ever! As for this, you should immediately inform this to your parents or relatives and seek their help! Dont tolerate this any further or threaten him with the police. You can also take the help of common friends or neighbours.
2007-04-20 12:11:57 · answer #10 · answered by anil m 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you married to a little boy? A real man would never yell ,call names, or anything similar. Kick him out or hit him over the head with a cast iron pan.
2007-04-20 13:21:16 · answer #11 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋