that you know you should feel bad about, but instead, you take pride in?
For eaxmple, my husband always tells me that I am "good at arguing" and that I deliberately use strategies to confuse and twist him around.
I try to look properly contrite, but I couldn't help but take that as a compliment....
2007-04-20 04:35:34 · 8 answers · asked by Kiss My Shaz 7 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
He always moans that i spend to much money on food, Then he moans that there are none of his favorite snack in the cupboard....I can,t win..lol.
2007-04-20 04:40:45 · answer #1 · answered by Bella 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you're arguing and he compliments your arguing skills he's helping you develop those skills and make them stronger. Not everyone responds to praise in exactly the same way, but many of us will work for praise and attention, and we'll take praise and attention in whatever form it arrives in. Even during an argument.
If you argue and your husband praises it and you not only argue more in the future but also feel proud of your arguing skills, that means his praise is reinforcing your arguing skills-- making them stronger. Even if he's being sarcastic or otherwise not nice about the way he's delivering the praise- it doesn't matter... it's how it affects your behavior that matters.
It sounds like you really don't want to be so proud of your arguing skills, and I don't blame you. This can be hard on a marriage (although it might make you a great attorney!)
What I would recommend is that during a time when you're not arguing you ask that your husband not praise your arguing skills any more, but that he instead look for times when you're agreeing and find things at that time to praise your sense of logic and your ability to express ideas. That way over time you'll spend less time arguing and more time in good conversations. And it will make for a happier marriage.
But I want to point out one thing. As your husband stops praising your arguing skills, you will probably temporarily argue more. Both you and your husband should be aware of this so that when it happens you don't think your marriage is in trouble. It will pass if he can hold out and continue to avoid praising your arguing skills.
And one last thing... if he only praises your arguing skills part of the time it can still make the arguing happen more often. Be careful! Make sure he doesn't praise your arguing skills during an argument.
Good luck to you and to your husband!
2007-04-20 11:47:49 · answer #2 · answered by Behaviorist 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I really don't fight that much.
I take pride in other things- like hearing from someone how he's bragged about what a good cook or mother I am.
2007-04-20 11:39:43 · answer #3 · answered by RING GIRL II 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yeah of course. He even gets offended the way i do whenever we argue. We clash about opinions.
2007-04-20 11:40:37 · answer #4 · answered by SHEMH 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes.. He gets mad because i say some things.. Well, i should be mad at him which i am but then he is mad at me for being mad at him and he has no reason to be mad at me because he made me mad.. A vicious cycle i guess..
2007-04-20 11:39:33 · answer #5 · answered by DARIA. - JOINED MAY 2006 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is mad at me for staying up late for Y!A and neglected him.
2007-04-20 11:39:31 · answer #6 · answered by † Iríšh † 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
no they don't get mad just seem bery upset
2007-04-20 11:38:58 · answer #7 · answered by Ange 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
lol...I am the same way..
2007-04-20 11:38:27 · answer #8 · answered by Rowan 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋