My husband hurt my feelings & i am having a hard time getting over it. Any suggestions?

Question

During a recent conversation my husban informed me that i was a witch (only the word he used began with b). he also said that many of the people at work share this opinion, which is why he doesn't like asking to lunch when several people go together. (it is important to mention here that my husband & i work for the same company.) I moped a few days. then told him he really hurt my feelings. he didn't say sorry or anything just "well, you are a b****. you always sound like one when you talk to me." i really do try to be nice. I just need some advice.

i did ask a few people at work what they thought about me. One said he didn't really know me well enough to have an opinion. The other said i was just fine I do ave a couple of good friends at work. They don't share my husbands opinions, but they are my friends. I also got to thinking. i have a couple of co workers who drop by my office to say hi during the week, even when the don't have office related business with me.

So many people have answered. thanks. i really appreciate the support & suggestions!!

Answer 1

Ask him what actions or reactions he thinks make you respond in that way. Use it as constructive criticism. Don't take offense to it if you honestly want to change others' opinions of you. Sometimes we don't realize how we are acting until we see it through others' eyes.

Answer 2

Hi there,

Some guesses, from what you have disclosed, about what you have not disclosed:
1. You two might be working together even before marriage.
2. Yours might be a love marriage.

If this is the case, then I think the root cause of your endangering relationship with your husband may be both of you taking each other for granted. My suggestion is to sit back and look into your past, the time you spent with him when every thing was going wonderful. Try to compare and contrast those days with now. Draw out points what, where and when things went wrong.

No two person are same, men and women of course not. So to be in a life long relationship, such as a marriage, both of you need to do a lot of compromises, may be each day of your life.

Remedy depends on person to person, situation to situation. So it is both of you, if possible, or at least you, to go back and assess what went wrong and what can be done now to over come that. Talk to him, confide with him, and give him true love, of course.

Hope this will help you.

May God give you strength to fight these tough times. All the best

Answer 3

Others at work must see the same things your hubby has said to you.
Don't mope any more, sit down with yourself and study the facts for yourself. You'll beable to pinpoint different times you see that you may of come across as a witch. You may be one of these people though who don't find any wrong within themselves, just others. IF this happens to be what you end up seeing, or really know is right, why not get some counceling at working on your self and personality.

Most times when one doesn't get an "I'm sorry", is because their not, and most times they shoulodn't be sorry for speaking the truth.

IF you have a REAL friend who is totally honest with you at all times, ask her advice on how you can make changes to be accepted more openly by others.

Answer 4

The best thing you can do is take it as constructive critism. From this day forward live your life treating and speaking to people how you would like to be treated and spoken to. This gives you a rough idea of the boundaries in which you should live your life.
Also ask your husband in what way or instances where you are a b***h because if it is a certain personality flaw, it gives you an idea what to work on.
Get his help on this. Also you willl also find out if he is just trying to hurt you because he may not be able to answer which might give you an indication that he made it up in spite.

I would try hard to find out which of the workmates said it and confront them (Calmly) asking for their help in finding out what the issue is.

If you handle this calmly and in the right way it could help you in becoming a better person than you already are.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

When upset, all of us use the same kind of words, although in 90% we do not really mean. Men use it more easily for their wives and then for their near girlfriends, but then they make up for it. In your case, as you state, he'sn't willing to say sorry. Wait. When next he needs you, he will, for sure. Then you can force out a big SORRY and also ask for the reason before you've given up yourself to him. He may have come under the influence of some of the colleagues, since both of you work together, or there could be a woman jealous of you who may have inspired him so. Take time, wait, time is the best physician. Do not grind on the matter, just ignore the case for the time being. Do NOT show that you're hurt, otherwise next time he's angry he might purposely hurt you with the same word, or even worse..

Answer 6

I am so upset for you right now I don't know what to say, first of all he should never side with anyone about you. So what if you were a witch (b) there was probably a reason for it. I think your husband is very disrespectful and as far as the people at work, you can try to be as nice as you can but there is a thing called jealousy and they maybe jealous of the relationship you 2 have and are trying what they can to break that up but it makes me mad that he would even side without someone that would call you a witch...shame on him and you should be hurt......You seem like you are really nice and maybe talk with him to ask what make you and your friends label me a ***** maybe they just misunderstand you but still i'm pissed. I wish you well on this one because by the time I got through with him and all his little cronies they would know exactly what a ***** was....sorry....i just can't help it

Answer 7

Sounds to me like he's the witch. He could have put it a better way if he really loves you without using such a bad word towards his wife. If he is allowing people at work to talk about you this way then in my opinion he needs a lesson in how to be a good husband other than an A**. No matter what other people think of you he shouldn't allow them to talk about you in that way around him. My suggestion is to show him what a real witch is.

Answer 8

Well that was rude and insensitive of him! You need to talk to him about why he think you are a B**** and you need to think really hard about what you might be doing that makes him and co-workers think of you like that.

I could not imagine working with my husband, i love him and cant wait to see him after a long day at the job, but maybe you guys need to spend some time apart and make the relationship feel "new" again. I think that I would get tired of seeing him all the time, at work, at home... maybe it's just too much.

I think that maybe he needs to quit calling you names, and you both need to talk about what it is thats happening between the both of ya'll. just take a minute, chill out and talk... email is a great alternative for both my husband and i because we dont end up screaming or fighting with each other, everyone writes what they are really feeling and it a lot more civil !

I wish you all the luck and hope everything works out great for you guys... really listen to each other and try to place y ourself in his shoes for a minute, but do NOT allow for him to call you names, he needs to respect you! even if he is mad!

Answer 9

I can answer this question because,my Husband called me that as well. His excuse was "That's what you were acting like at the time."When I played back in my mind, I Thought about it ,well I told him it's OK to think it, but don't say it!!He apologized.I was still really mad,because you will not sleep with me and breath in my face and disrespect me never again, because if you do and I allow it, that means I made a bad choice in my life and maybe I need to be redirected,"I will not be called anything other than my birth name in the midst of an argument I have with the man I chose to marry!!! Well I guess that settled that,because he may think it ,but better not say it! As for you and your Husband,tell him to get over it and find a better choice of words before you show him what a B!t#$ can really do! He need to have your back regardless,rather your right or wrong,and DISCUSS it in the privacy of your own home.

Answer 10

Well, are you happy being a Witch? Personally, I do not like it when people call me that. I am sorry that your husband did not respond in a more "supportive" way. So... regarding your husband, try telling him again: It hurts my feelings to be labeled a Witch. It is not intentional -- tell me what it is that I do that warrants the Witch-status? It might be easier to ask him to tell you when you do something Witch-y, for you to see/hear what he thinks is Witch-y behavior.

I suppose that if you do not want to be percieved as a Witch, you will have to try a little harder to avoid whatever behavior it is that they say is Witch-y. I don't think that you need to edit your entire personality, just filter the edges a little.

Keep in mind though:

Answer 11

Even though he wasn't very nice about it, he could have definitely handled it a lot better, by phrasing it that way, he's no better than what he's accusing you of, but, he sort of did you a favor. There has to be some truth to it if other people share his view. You may not be intending to be a bitc-, but you are coming across as one. Maybe try to smile more and be a little more outgoing. Sometime quiet people are seen as snobs because they don't talk that much and sometimes dry humor comes off as insulting. Just try to put a positive spin on what he said. Say so OK, people think I'm a bitc- including you. What can I do to not come off that way because it's totally unintentional and I want to change it? I'm not saying you are a bad person, but sometimes we don't realize how our idiosyncrasies come off as to other people. Just make yourself more aware of how you interact with people.