What would you do if...?

Question

I am in the process of divorcing my husband...he's abusive and I left him 9 months ago. But I think the address he gave me was fake, the place he told me he was going to school is made-up, and now his cellphone has been shut off and he won't return any of my emails. His MySpace account says he lives three hours from the city he told me he actually lived in. The divorce papers are in the hands of a process server, but he is not communicating with my lawyer, and my lawyer is not doing a great job of communicating with me, either. I'm afraid they are never going to be able to find him, which is going to make the divorce very difficult (there are two children involved). Is there anything I can do to help look for him so the lawyer won't charge me more and more money? What would you do? Any ideas? HELP!

I wish I could afford a private investigator, but I'm already paying the lawyer more money than I actually have, and he's charging me for everything the process server is doing, and I don't even think the server is trying that hard to find him. It's been almost a month since the papers were filed in court and I have herard NOTHING! :(

Also, the lawyer does not want to go with the "default judgement" because he says my ex could come back later and contest it, saying he never knew that I was trying to divorce him. (In addition, I left him, he didn't abandon me, but I had to take the kids and get out due to the abuse. But I guess in a sense he HAS abandoned me because he knows where I live and my phone number and email, yet he has not offered a single cent to help take care of the kids' needs, has not made any effort to see the kids since I left him, and he has not had any phone contact with the kids in almost two months.) :( I don't care what he does to me, I'm just sick of him treating our kids like this and avoiding his responsibilities where they are concerned. GRRRR

More info...about working...he normally works "under the table" doing odd jobs and construction work, so it's hard to track him that way. I know where his parents live, but they live in Michigan, he's in Oklahoma, and I'm in Florida. It's basically a mess! :(

Answer 1

The process server is trained to track these sorts of deadbeats down. He WILL eventually be found. Or you can hire a private investigator and find him yourself.

But you're right...his shifty behavior is going to make your life a living hell, because getting child support out of a scumbag like that will be harder than proving life on Mars.

Thankfully, once the divorce is final and CS issues are finalized as well, you can usually contact your DA's office and have the Child Support Services department track him down. They can get REALLY mean...take his tax refunds, garnish wages, take his drivers license away, etc. He will seriously regret screwing around!

Good luck.....

Answer 2

Depending on the laws in your state, you can push through the divorce by means of abandonment. You have to place a notice in the newspaper notifying your soon to be ex of your intent. There is a waiting period - varying from state to state, and then your divorce will be granted on terms of abandonment - but you will have to show that you have not been able to contact him for one year. As far as child support, well, you can have him on the dead beat dads list. But often, men like that will go underground to avoid paying for their children. Just make sure that you file with the state as far as child support is concerned in case he ever wins the lottery - at least your children would be entitled to some of it. I don't even think you need a lawyer to file for divorce. All lawyers do is take your money and make everything worse. My best friend filed for divorce on her own and it was granted in 61 days.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for you.
I also went through a similar situation.I ended up getting a divorce by default but it did take almost two years.I also had two kids.
A good lawyer(which it really sounds like you don't have) will walk you through the steps.
You have to make sincere efforts at notifying the other party including trying to have him served at his last known address, contacting relatives and placing ads in the paper where you think he might be.
I really don't think he can contest it, and win, if you do it right.

Answer 4

I would get another lawyers advice on the matter. I would do some research of my own. I think that you can still get a divorce without him being present. As for the children, if he is not asking for them they should be fine.If your lawyer isn't doing what he/she should then get a new one. Have you tried contacting legal aide? No matter what kind of abuse you've suffered get some counseling. In all situations prayer helps.

Answer 5

Listen carefully because I do this for a living. If the process cannot be served, the paperwork goes back to the court as undeliverable.

If you know where he works, or where his parents live, you can have the paperwork served there, too. It does NOT have to be a personal service of process.

Once the paperwork is returned to the court, and the judge sees that he is nowhere to be found, the judge can issue a decree of abandonment and make the divorce final.

Send me your ex's details, name, date of birth, last known address, etc (through e-mail) and I will see if I can find him for you.

Answer 6

Let it go. The divorce will be finalized with or without his presence. The judge may extend the first "trial", but at the second court date, if he doesn't appear, your attorney can state that the other person has no desire to represent themselves. Then you can get anything or everything you want, since your ex won't be around to fight it with you. That is when you take him for everything, the max in child support, etc. It may take a month or two after that, but when his pay starts being deducted, he will find you to settle the matter. I did that with my ex wife, and she didn't appear for the first and then second trial. The judge granted my requests, since she failed to appear in court.

Answer 7

He has to work right? Unless he's self employed he'll have to make use of his social security number. The Social Security Administration will have a handle on who is paying him at least. You may want your attorney to dig around there and see what he comes up with.
In fact, fire the sttorney and hire me. I can do a better job of tracking hubby down than that ambulance chaser can.

Answer 8

Get the papers from the server and try and find him myself and when you do just get in touch with the police dept and have them assist you in serving them. Next have a discussion with your lawyer where YOU do the talking and tell him to get off his butt and get to work or you'll report him to the bar assoc for incompetence.

Answer 9

You could hire a PI to find him but make sure you get the lawyers to document all this crap he's putting you through. Damn I can't believe some of the jerks out there running away from their responsibilities.

Answer 10

Sounds like you really need a PI. Yes, it can be expensive. But it'll be a piece of cake for them to find your husband. I'm sure he's not even hiding this hard - just enough for you to not find him. Sounds like he's bent on making it as difficult as possible; unfortunately it also means expensive.