What would most married men choose?

Question

I'm thinking about telling my husband that he has two choices.
Me and our unborn baby, or never see either of us again.
I sick of waiting around for him to choose what he is going to do and I need to move on or work on our marriage. We are seperated right now, but it seems he still wants to act like a child. I dont want my child to have a father this month and then next month he doesn't want anything to do with it.

What do you think he will choose?
Me and the baby or to be alone, without his family?

Answer 1

He'll choose freedom.

Answer 2

Two people in a relationship have to be willing to do what it takes to make it work. One alone, can't accomplish that task. The last thing you need on your hands right now is two children. If your husband is having a problem deciding what he wants in life, then perhaps it's best for both of you to go separate ways. He is still responsible for you & your baby to be when it comes to finances, so don't let him get away with anything. You may have to turn to your family/friends for some emotional support, but that's what families do. If you two divorce, he still has a right to see his child & don't fight him on that just because you're upset or angry. The baby needs a father in his life.

Answer 3

I like some of the answers that some of the men and women (even though she asked for married men's choice)? Out of the women I would have chosen Jeanie's or Shery's answer.

But I for one can answer this as a married man. When I first found out I was going to be a dad, my wife worked in Louisiana and I just started a job in Texas. I went every month to be with my wife in Louisiana so I can be there for her ultrasound, and everything else possible. Her mom, step dad, two friends and I moved her to Houston in her 4 1/2 month, after transfering all her stuff from her job.

Now I need to know when your hubby found out you were pregnant AND how long you two been seperated. If it has been over 2 months then I'd call your mom and tell her you need her there for the delivery. DO NOT tell him when you are going into labor. DO NOT include his name on the birth certificate -- if he wants to fight it later on, then let him. AND GET READY TO serve him with divorce papers.

If he cannot decide what he wants in life when it comes to his child then it will take him a while to get his head out of his **** for other important things in his life. Life is to short and you have more important things to worry about in your life ... like a child.

I agree with what Shery said BUT I have my own twist. Any man can be a sperm donor BUT it takes a real man to be a father.

Answer 4

Well I'm married and i can tell you that if I had to make him choose he would definitely chose us(we've got three girls5, 3 and 7 mos)but that's just him. He vowed he would never do to his family what his dad did to his brother and him...
that being said...if he's not being mature about any of this then you need to leave him...like you said you don't want him to be in and out of your child's life. It's not healthy for the baby or you. If you talk to you husband about maybe seeing a councillor with you, how does he react? does he throw a fit? does he try to talk you out of it? does he make excuses? does he tell you he'll change on his own? if he does any of those he doesn't want to change or stick around. If he's able to see that he has a problem and he if he truly want to fix it, he'll agree to go to anything that could potentially aide the relationship.
It's probably none of my business but has he ever cheated?
if so, beware, you don't want him messing around and giving you something to then pass on to your unborn child.
Is he into drugs and you want him to quit or he never sees either of you again? because there is more there then just quiting. It's hard to quit anything. He might need help for that too...who knows.
Try to talk to him first. It's all you can do before you talk drastic measures. Only once though...then your out! you deserve much more than him and I hope you know that!
I hope this works out for you.
~Marilyn*~

Answer 5

You didn't mention anything about why he is gone right now nor did you mention how many months pregnant you are nor
did you mention how you got along before you became pregnant.

This is no reflection on you or against you but it is a fact that women as a rule are very difficult to get along with when they are pregnant. Their hormones are out of balance, their body is not the way they would like it to be, their blood pressure may be high and their tempers tend to be short.

Sorry if I struck a nerve, but the above is very true. Ask your mother, father or an aunt or uncle.

So while you are on your rampage you are going to issue him an ultimatum. He is totally at fault and you had nothing to do with why he is not with you. Could it be that his tolerance wore thin? I think you need to talk to him and try to work things out. Don't do something you might regret later.

Answer 6

Well, first of all, if you give him that choice and he choose to stay with you, then he may forever feel like there's an inkling that you may leave at some point anyway. He'll always feel like he has something over his head and will soon feel resentful.

Let him know just how YOU feel... not give him an ultimatum. Tell him that you really feel like this child needs a solid man in its life and you need to make sure he will be there. The first thing he needs to do is decide if he wants to put forth the effort with you.

Answer 7

Not all married people require such a symbol as a ring to prove to the world that they are legally joined and supposedly committed to each other. I'm one of those people who rarely wears jewelry. The only thing I wear on a daily basis is my tongue ring. Whenever I wear rings, I'm very hard on them and have ruined many in the past. I don't think I'd want a wedding ring for fear that I'd destroy it. I don't need symbols to prove my love and commitment. As to this guy who's an acquaintance, I don't know why he'd be deceitful to someone he doesn't even know well. If asked about it, the only reply he needs to give people is, "I prefer not to wear it." The real reason is between him and his wife.

Answer 8

You have to come to terms to reality and not use your unborn child as bait to get him back and to emotionally blackmail him.

If you guys are separated, it's probably over, otherwise he would be right there with you if he really wanted to. He has already made his decision but doesn't have the guts to tell you the truth.

Do not put your life on hold waiting for him to "see the light", it's over and you need to accept it and also understand that as the father of the child, he has parental rights as well.

I'm sorry for all that is happening in your life, but the more you hold on to nothing, the more you will hurt.

Good luck

Answer 9

It doesn't matter which one he chooses in the end you can't change him. He is the only one that can do that. The only thing you can do is what you feel is best for you and your child. Ask yourself this, are you willing to spend years of your life waiting for him to change? If he is or has cheated on you in the past then take my word for it he will never change and you and your child will be the ones hurt in the long run. One more thing anyone can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a DAD!

Answer 10

Yes, it's time to make him s*** or get off the pot. Let him know you're tired of the situation and that your child is going to be born and you really want him to be in both your lives, but if he's not willing to grow up and be a husband to you and a father to your child, it's time to move on. If he chooses to stay the child, then there's your answer. Move on and no going back. Otherwise he won't respect your decison or you if you come back. I don't have any children but yes, i've been through it myself =) Best wishes!

Answer 11

You already have your answer. If he is not making an effort to work things out with you now, he never will. Like you said, he is immature.

He has made his choice without saying a word...look at the actions, they speak volumes louder than his words.

Good luck. Oh, by the way, make sure you get your divorce AFTER the baby is born..most courts will not sign off on a divorce until after a birth, but just to be on the safe side, hold off until right before delivery or soon after to file your paperwork.