i'm coming to the realization that i may in fact also be an abuser in my marriage. i always felt like i wasnt a violent individual unless seriously provoked..for example trying to avoid a horrible fight by leaving and having the door blocked or my keys taken away, i would push him out of the way. Last night i was in the car, keys in the ignition ready to just run from the horrible fight that was to come and he came flying into the car, ripped the keys out of the ignition and i lashed out trying to get the keys back, well without intention and this is the truth i accidentally hit him in the jaw. I never expected a full blown punch to the face. He said sorry & is now saying well you hit me first i was teaching you that you arent allowed to hit me and get away with it. I feel like im the crazy one and it is in fact my fault. I know deep down that this is a bad situation but he's been to Iraq twice and has had a hard time, i feel like i owe it to him to be there when he needs me.
2007-04-20 01:39:12 · 10 answers · asked by skyedink 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if your having that much problems get out it isn't doing either of you any good to be in relationship like that
2007-04-20 01:44:23 · answer #1 · answered by littledovesw 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A marriage is a two-way relationship. A true man doesn't hit a woman. War does crazy things to a person, mentally, physically and emotionally. I think perhaps your the one who is the subject of Domestic Violence. You always blame yourself for things you believe that you do wrong, when in fact you are just protecting yourself.
I don't know your relationship with your husband only you do. Your not going crazy. Look for signs of controlling where he will ask you where you go, what you do etc, a continuous amount of put downs saying your useless and ugly or whatever. After being physically violent with you and saying sorry after - dont believe it because it wont stop there! Dont wait for something bad to happen, get out. Dont blame yourself too much, you deserve better.
2007-04-20 01:54:59 · answer #2 · answered by chukx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that you both seek counseling. If you husband is on active duty, there is a family support center on the base that can provide help. You have taken a great first step in realizing that you both have a serious issue to address. Even if you mate will not go, getting some professional help will benefit you. I wish you the very best.
2007-04-20 01:48:23 · answer #3 · answered by david42 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in the same situation. It is not your fault you were just trying to get out of a bad situation he should have just let you go and the both of you could have calmed down. Him being in Iraq is hard but he needs to realize that being alone waiting for him is also hard for you to do and he should be happy he has a good woman home waiting for him.
2007-04-20 02:12:16 · answer #4 · answered by Crystal M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both are going through alot and the situation is getting out of hand. I would suggest you both go to counceling and learn how to deal with the anger postively. neither one of you should hit each other. It could if he is the abuser you are lashing out to protect yourself. Being in Iraq can cause serious problems on his mental and emotinal help counceling is the right step and anger management for you both
2007-04-20 01:47:55 · answer #5 · answered by bbinqueens33 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Running away from an argument is a form of control that you are exerting over him. Him stopping you from running away is a form of control that he is exerting over you. It's a catch 22. As far as violence goes, you had NO right to ever put your hands on him. You guys definately need counseling to sort out a way to handle heated situation that you both agree to. Storming out and running away is just as disrespectful as him stopping you from doing it. You guys do have access to counseling through his veteran benefits. Use it.
2007-04-20 01:46:20 · answer #6 · answered by Angel G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to seek help ;as well, as he does.. why not separate until the both of you can get a handle on this ....you have been there for him.. no man should put his hands on you and you should not put your hands on him... if he has been to Iraq he really needs to seek help with his anger/anxiety.. please i hope you do not have kids that witness this mess... do not let him tell you it is your fault that he hit you in the face. get help or get out and away... love should not hurt.......................................
2007-04-20 01:48:53 · answer #7 · answered by MJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if this relationships is going to work GO TO COUPLES COUNSELING IMMEDITATELY. when someone has an arguement and wants to leave to cool off you shoudl be allowed. for you to hit your man is wrong. for him to hit you back is even more wrong. learn that both of you have anger issues, your both to blame. GET TO COUPLES COUNSELING AND ANGER MANAGEMENT IMMEDIATELY and get your life back inorder, otherwise this relationship is never goign to work.
2007-04-20 01:46:56 · answer #8 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to sit down and have a serious discussion.... Talking always helps you know... But please try to avoid any escalation that might put you or you spouse in a dangerous situation
Good luck
2007-04-20 01:45:48 · answer #9 · answered by pierredenis_montreal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please, get some marriage counselling.
2007-04-20 03:51:02 · answer #10 · answered by joe b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋