Should I leave?

Question

I thought I was in a happy marriage. I finally got out of my winter depression and now my husband is making me so miserable I'm considering all kinds of crazy things. The only thing keeping me going is my younger son. My older son screamed at me this morning after I have already been fighting with my husband for three days that maybe it's you (meaning me) and not us? I just want to be happy again. I've been working towards all these goals (my weight a new job) and finally almost able to obtain them and now I feel all hopeless. I hate going to a new job looking like I've been crying so I've plastered my face with makeup. My bags are packed for stay with my dad for the weekend. My husband didn't even say "don't go." I'm even getting my first paycheck today which is double what I was making and that isn't good enough. Why isn't anything I do ever good enough?

Answer 1

No ... don't leave. You're amazing! You have two sons, a husband, a new job and a lot of insight into your 'self'. I don't know how you do it.

If I were you, I'd cash that first paycheck; hire a baby sitter on Saturday; and blow it all on yourself. Do something you really like to do. I'm pretty sure that if you are happy ... your husband and sons will be too. Re-creating ourselves is vastly underrated these days.

Answer 2

You said you were over your "winter depression". I'm sorry but I don't think you are. It might be more than that. You list so much that is going right, but your still not happy. Could it be that it isn't just you and your husband fighting that is bringing you down, could you be feeling hopeless and that is what is making everything feel worse? You say "Why isn't anything I do good enough?" and "I'm thinking of doing crazy things".

If what I am saying is ringing true to you please seek medical help. If it is depression, you won't be able to get on top of it without help. You will need counseling and family support. Perhaps if your husband knew there was a reason for the moods he might be more supportive.

But even if you don't think this is it it couldn't hurt to get a check up could it? Just tell the doctor what you said here. You need to take care of you.

As to whether or not you should leave, why not wait until you've gotten yourself on a more even par? Decisions made when feeling really low, are seldom the best. Do go to your Dad's, but for a break, to give yourself time.

Wishing you sunny days, B

Answer 3

Many people get depressed during the winter season however it does sound as though you’ve gotten beyond that. You feeling that you’re not in a happy marriage is based on how and what you’re feeling right now. That may soon pass if you work on the deep feelings that you’ve got built up inside.

Have you ever stopped to think that maybe your husband is dumping on you because of the weight you’ve dropped and the new job with more money that you now have? He may be feeling just a little jealous of you having a better job. He may also have some thoughts of other men now looking at you since you’re lighter in weight. You’ve accomplished goals that he may be wishing that you didn’t and instead of being happy for you he’s trying to make you feel bad about it.

As far as your older son is concerned you shouldn’t allow him to talk to you any way he feels. You need to sit him down and have a talk with him. Let him know that you are still the parent and he has to respect you, he will respect you. Then ask exactly what is on his mind. Let him talk and you listen, once he’s done respond to him without yelling at him. Have a mother to son talk about what he’s feeling and what the two of you can do to make him feel better.

You shouldn’t want to go to any job looking as though you’ve been crying. However plastering your face with makeup isn’t going to help, you’ll see all the makeup and may start crying again. Put cold cloth on your face and a little makeup. You don’t want to go to work looking like something is wrong with you then you’ll have everyone asking you if you’re ok. You don’t want to start a new job dumping on your coworkers.

You’re going to stay with you father this weekend. That’s a temporary solution to your problem. You’ll have to go home eventually. Instead of leaving work going directly to your father’s go home and try to talk to your husband about what’s happening within your home. Try to work at solving your marital problem(s) and if you don’t get any resolution then go to your fathers. You and your husband need to come up with solutions on making your marriage work if the both of you are interested in saving it. Work at it together and if need be seek counseling.

Answer 4

You've got a job that's double what you used to make, you've been getting closer to your goal weight, and you came out of depression. I'd definitely say that you are good enough. With some men, if you're good enough, it means that they aren't, because they always need to feel superior. Why is your older son treating you this way? Obviously, your husband's habits are rubbing off on him. I would suggest that you have a meeting with your husband and older son (keep your younger son out of it so he wont be tainted by the problems) and talk, key word talk not scream, about what needs to be done to save your marriage. But if they wont do anything to save your marriage, leave, don't live it out, because he'll leave you later on, it happened to my mom. Basically, if things don't change, take your younger son and get out. It would help if you'd say how your husband is making you miserable, though. If he's calling you names and or hitting you, that's abuse and you should leave immediately, with no family meeting.

Answer 5

first find ways you can be happy, be a mom and a wife. but if you are not happy then your kids see this. take a stroll back over the past to find out why you and your husband are fussing. once you take a step back u should know in your heart if you are the problem and if you are do things to try to fix it, but if you are not and its him, then you ask him if he wants this marriage. you see to many people stay married for the wrong reasons. kids are not a reason to stay married. kids grow up and have lives of there own. so try to fix this problem if its you, but don't get it wrong if you are going to make yourself miserable trying to fix the problem its not worth you really need to think about what you want not what anyone else wants but what you want. And in the end its you that should make you happy not anyone alse (husband or kids).

Answer 6

To begin with...you should start talking to your husband about how you feel. If you feel you are not receiving the respect and love that you need from the relationship...then tell him.
Tell him you are worth more than the way he is treating you and that you refuse to be treated this way anymore.

Answer 7

You need to respect your husband and talk with him. Try finding out if your the one that is causing the drama. Work on your marriage and don't think so negative.

Answer 8

In marriage,you must learn how to tollerate your partner,forgive him whenever he offends you even when he refused to accept his fault.Look at your husband and always remember your first LOVE towards him when he first said he loved you and you accepted him.Remember,if you leave him another woman might take over the heart of your husband. Remain in your home and treat your husband like a little child.(LOVE IS NEVER OFFENDED)

Answer 9

i would just leave, myself...but, that is me
it sounds to me like you have been beaten down and that nothing you do will change the situation...he has even got the older child yelling at you!
stand back and look at the situation and try to reason out what you would tell your best friend to do...then do it!

Answer 10

honest, i would not run, from the trouble,you going to have days like this, an running ,wont help,,,all it does is put thing off,,,,could be,it the winder blues, an the new job,,,,take the money,,, get a baby sitter, an take you man out ,,,, an talk about the trouble, dont run,from it