I am a 23 year old girl and I am getting married next year, i love my fiance to bits and cant wait to be married to him. I have been with him for 6 years and we have a healthy sex life/good fun and we are best friends, but....i recently went out with my pals from work and for some drunken reason i gave a guy my phone number! He has been texting me and knows i am in a relationship but turns out he's a really nice guy and a good laugh so we have agreed to be friends. I have met him for a drink on 2 occasions since and both times we have ended up kissing. I like the attention and he is really sweet but i know i wouldn't have a relationship with this kind of guy long term.
I think maybe i am freaking out about getting married so young and just need one last little fling before I tie the knot - or am I being a total cow by doing this behind by fiance's back????
2007-04-19 23:55:41 · 67 answers · asked by Sophia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Too young, and yes you are being a cow
2007-04-19 23:58:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
You are not a total cow, in fact you sound like me when I was 23. I married my first husband when I was 23 and I got involved in a similar situation. Turned out that I wasn't getting what I needed from my husband after all - on an emotional level. The thing is that a sex life can always be worked on, but if there are other emotional needs that are not being met then you need to take a step back. You say that you have a laugh with this other guy - sex aside, do you have a laugh with your future husband? Also, ask yourself this - are you afraid of marriage? First time round when I got married I felt like I was being caged and that I would no longer have my independence. Does this sound like it could be you? Think about it before you tie the knot. You know what they say - 'marriage is grand - divorce fifty grand!'
2007-04-20 00:10:46 · answer #2 · answered by Helen B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you like the attention from this chap so much then you really need to sit back and evaluate your situation. If you are this easily empted now, it is not fair at all to your fiance' and future husband, and yes you are being bad, how would it feel to you if you found out he had "picked" up a girl and they were just going to be friends, but ended up kissing and he liked it. If you are only 23 and have been with this fellow for 6 years how do you know he is the right one for you, sounds like maybe there is quite a bit of room for question already. Be fair to your fiance and postpone the wedding until you get your feelings sorted out. Cold feet is not an excuse and has one last fling has been the cause of many a call off of many marriages when the other partner finds out.
So to answer your question, yes you are bad and either put a stop to this "friend" or be fair to your fiance' and break it off now and let him get in with his life.
2007-04-20 01:31:04 · answer #3 · answered by TheatreFan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, you're not a bad person. Perhaps you made some unwise choices but then you're not alone in making them. I believe both you and your new found kiss-buddy are equally responsible as each other. Yes you're the one with the fiance, but that doesn't mean he can't step away from a potential trainwreck.
Think back to your fiance. When you first met and were in the first stages of the relationship, was it like this? Where you talked all the time, felt so close and the kissing was electric?
The spark of romance doesn't mean you're in the wrong relationship.
What was your parent or guardian's relationship like (I'm not sure if both parents or guardians are still together)? If they split up and found others to be with then perhaps you might be subconsciously afraid of reliving your parents mistakes?
You know things won't last with this guy so perhaps that gives you a sense of security and takes the guilt away somewhat - feeling like it's going to be over soon means it can be put in the past once it's finished. But that doesn't take away from having cheated.
It could also be that this guy is after you because you're taken - for some reason when I was single I had not one glance from a guy but once that engagement ring went on my finger (not to mention the wedding ring), I was getting checked out all over the place. For some reason, being taken made me a target worth pursuing.
It's like when we girls walk down the street and see a guy with a girl, we think, what's it about him that made that girl get together with him, he must have some quality.. that can increase the attractiveness of people we otherwise wouldn't glance at twice.
If you think you're rushing into your marriage, then slow down. Tell your fiance you love him so much but want to wait a year or two more till you're more mature - if you need to, tell him that you really want to make sure that he and you aren't rushing into things.
If you can't be honest but still want to wait, tell him you really want to do the wedding in style and waiting a couple more years will mean having more money - or even that you want to have the best, most lavish honeymoon so want to postpone so you can really save up for it...
Hope things all go well for you - and I've avoided going near the 'should I tell my fiance I cheated' question - it's something you need to decide and if you do tell him, it may not go well and it may not be something the relationship recovers from.
Good luck,
Meg.
2007-04-20 00:09:22 · answer #4 · answered by ausbabe29_megan 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My mother told me there are two types of people that tell the truth, drunks and little children. Your true self came out that drunken night with your friends. If you were totally head over heels with your fiance you would not want to talk to another guy and give your phone # to him, even if it was George Clooney falling all over you. Um... well... i suppose you'd let him fall a little bit on you, but you wouldn't pay too much attention to him. I'm not in a relationship so i could let him fall all over me, Cos he is the Clooney...OK get off the Clooney thing Jo!!....What I'm saying here hun is, you are about as ready to get married as fish are ready to walk on land. If i was you, i would put the idea of marriage down for at least another couple years. Go have some fun, but be extra, extra careful. Go on an awesome holiday, come to Australia and i will show you around and introduce you to some hunky Aussy men, yummy!
Don't get married yet, you're so not ready, the proof is in the kissing the other guy.
2007-04-20 00:17:45 · answer #5 · answered by Purity 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are questioning whether or not you are too young to get married, chances are, you probably are...
That being said, the situation you have going with another guy, that sounds like a recipe for disaster.. And he can't be all that much of a "nice guy"... if he's willing to be hanging around a "taken" woman, especially if there's an attraction there...
You should NEVER do anything behind your SO's back... that breaks the trust and causes hurt in a relationship. Level with your fiancee and tell him the truth, especially if you aren't sure you can be faithful or not, and whether or not you are ready for marriage or not...
I am sure if he was doing the same thing you are, you'd be VERY hurt!
2007-04-20 00:06:30 · answer #6 · answered by PrettyMama982 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only you know for certain what the risks are that are involved...i.e. the places you meet are open also to the places your fiance could possibly turn up at (stranger things have happened). Or your phone is left somewhere, where your fiance happens to see it and realizes you have a text msg...possibly he might just violate your privacy perhaps thinking it's something you need to respond to in a timely manner and he happens upon this guys msg for perhaps meeting somewhere.
Turn the tables, consider the possibility that your fiance could be doing what you are doing...would you like it? Would you be able to give him the complete and confident trust that you currently have in him? That would be eroded and the marriage could possibly end up not happening. Lots of consequences to consider and although you believe this won't get physical, sometimes it just does.
Take a long look at all of this including the possible consequences should your fiance somehow find out. If you love your fiance to death...then don't hurt him in this manner, the guy isn't going to really consider the fact that you are to be married if he finds you physically attracted. You may not want it, but you are encouraging it with those kisses. Decide who you want to hurt...your fiance, this guy or yourself. Priorities are necessary and if I were in your shoes my fiance would be number one. But that's just me.
Are you a bad person? Only if you let this get any further. Good luck
2007-04-20 00:08:28 · answer #7 · answered by dustiiart 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have already betrayed him, how is that a way to start a relationship that is all about trust? If your fiance was the right guy, at this point you should have eyes for no one else. Break the engagement, to marry at this time will only cause both of you some very bad times ending in a train wreck.
2007-04-21 02:34:50 · answer #8 · answered by ninebadthings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi i have been in the same sort of situation recently i think you should take a step back and have a look at your relationship with your boyfriend and ask is this what you really want for the rest of your life and if you are not sure then the answer is dont marry him not yet anyway cos you are not ready but if you can easily walk away from this other guy and never see him again and then when you look at your boyfriend you are full to the brim with love for him then yes i would forget about the fling guy and marry your fella
2007-04-20 00:02:17 · answer #9 · answered by torphins 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are not a cow, but if you go through with this plan you will live to regret it. Your conscience will get the best of you in the end. Quite possibly you may not be ready for marriage at this time. That wouldn't be the end of the world either. Just be honest to yourself and your fiance and you will be fine. Anything less than that will doom your future marriage and comprimise your values.
2007-04-20 00:08:27 · answer #10 · answered by Dusty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are freaking out that is all don t worry and dont let it spoil a good future that you have with your fiance and no you are not too younge to be married i am only your age and been married nearly 4 years it shows you love your man as you are worried about it you have had your fling now get rid of his number and don t meet him again and move on with your life it will all be ok you are not the first or last woman to do this and you are not a bad person
2007-04-20 00:44:25 · answer #11 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋