A question for those who are separating/divorcing?

Question

I'm about to leave my 17 year marriage mainly because my husband has no intention of stopping his affairs. Truth is, I really don't want to leave. We don't fight and we are good friends. I feel like I must leave though, otherwise I'll be constantly living in fear of catching an STD, and I need to get some self-respect back. I feel very resentful about leaving because I love him, he's been my husband for my entire adult life. It almost feels like I'm punishing myself for his affairs by kicking myself out of my own home and leaving a man who's always stood by me. I don't know whether these feelings are normal or not. Has anyone else been there? Thanks

Dore you really are a nasty piece of work. I'd hate to see what you are a like on a bad day.

I wish I could kick him out, free angel. We live in army housing. When I move out, it's me against the world. He's the one in the army, not me.

Answer 1

I will admit first off that I have not been through this myself, but I have helped more friends go through this than I wish I had.

The fear of an STD is a very serious one, and he needs to know how you feel about that.

However, if that is your only reason for wanting to seperate/divorce, then I would suggest thinking twice. If you are not upset by the affair part, then you may just need to talk with him about the affairs and make sure he is safe.

If you are also upset by him having affairs, then that is a better reason for leaving. I would also suggest that you look at yourself and make sure that your not wanting to leave isn't just because he's all you've ever known.

Yes it is scary starting over, but it may make you happier in the long run.

Take a long look, and maybe write down a list of all the reasons you want to stay, and all the reasons you want to leave.. then decide what is better for you.

Answer 2

This is a very difficult question, You have been with this man for 17 years that has to count for something. Why is he having the affairs? R U not giving it to him? The Fact of a new woman in his life? I think you need to find out why he is cheating then work out the issue in your marriage. A marriage is a sacred thing, after 17 years you guys should be able to get to the root of the problem, and talk about it go to some counseling it does help if he is willing. I guess if he's just sleeping around and won't get to the root of the problem, build your confidence up go out with your GIRLFRIENDS, you will need them to help you threw this difficult time. Why would you leave YOUR HOUSE he's the one cheating!!!! Best of Luck I hope this help but, you will have to make the ultimate descision and live with it..

Answer 3

So, society dictates you cannot stay in a relationship because you are not his only sex partner.

You've built a life, a home and probably raised some kids. You've been through the thick and the thin and you are still standing.

Have you ever considered asking to include you? Quit playing by everyone else's rules. You wouldn't be the first couple in a threesome, and he isn't be the first man to sleep with a woman who is not his Wife.

Start by sharing the internet. Go to Kama Sutra or Tantric sex. Read the sex instruction sites together (I know you already know how to have sex, but it is fun reading what you already know...and sometimes...things you don't.)

Have a heart to heart about how he would feel if you participated in his lifestyle. Have lots of conversation about what your are and are not comfortable with. When the time is right, go for it.

Answer 4

Nessie, something inside you is awaking, although you still love your husband. But you must think of this: do you really love him still, or are you used to live with him or are you afraid of living your live alone? You must be honest with yourself. You are feeling uncomfortable with your relation, and like this, you only have two paths: if you are sure you love him still, than open the game and talk with him. Tell him what your feeling are, maybe he has something to say too, maybe he's feeling uncomfortable with something too. Talk to each other.
But if are only afraid of being alone, and you don't love him anymore, there's no point in keeping such a relation. You are missing the opportunity of being happy alone, or finding someone else.
Analise what you really feel. Of course those feelings are normal. It is not easy to leave 17 years behind. Now, what you must realize is that you prefer to have other 17 like this, or change to better days (either you keep him or not).
I've been there. You have my sympathy, but this is something you must figure out yourself.
All the best.

Answer 5

You are the most powerful person in your life and you deserve self respect and dignity. You now you do by the way you wrote that. Draw on your inner strength and look at your future, you can have so much more, and you should. You dant have to hate him, I am still great friends with my ex, but I just couldnt be married to him anymore. When I left, he said "Im sure I will thankyou for this oneday, but its not today" and then, 4 years later, we are both happy and he said thankyou.
It will be tough, you will have awful days, but the become fewer and further apart, and strength breeds strength, so you go girl, and show the world the power of a woman!

Answer 6

Leave him before he leaves you.I was married for 4 years and my marriage was ok we had problems as every normal couple would have.I was thinking when I got married that is for life but not my husband he woke up one day and told me he wants divorce.4 months after I found out that he was cheating on me .Im destroyed and he is happy with his new girlfriend.So think about it very carefully maybe thats gonna happen to u one day because nobody can tell u if hes gonna fall in love one day and decide to leave u .

Answer 7

How has he "stood by you"? by having affairs? I don't think so, I think you need to stop the taking the blame and find out what being loved by someone really means. It means not having affairs...and risking your life with STD's or worse HIV/AIDS

Answer 8

Yes your feeling are normal, or should I say normal for someone in your spot. Cheating is a form of abuse, and it is hard for most people to leave that kinda thing. but it is the right thing to do.

Answer 9

I have children with only one woman, and she never cheated on me but basically dumped the nest trying to cash in. I am still bitter after over two years.

You need to get out of that relationship since he's using you.

Answer 10

You got it all wrong. He didn't stand by you nor did he honor his marriage vows. And why are you kicking yourself out of the home? Kick him out.