Is marriage over rated?

Question

My boyfriend & I have been together for 8 years & just recently bought a house. We are both still young (he's 24 & i'm 22). The only thing is that he doesnt believe in marriage as he comes from a broken family. I have always wanted to get married on day or another, Do you think marriage is over rated? Because I really dont think it would change our realationship!

Answer 1

I could understand the hype about having a big wedding and all, but in the end, a piece of paper doesn't show and prove your love for one another.

Answer 2

You may not think marriage will change your relationship, but it will. There is something that happens at that ceremony that's inexplainable. And there is still an adjustment to be made even if you've lived together.

You see, you don't need that piece of paper, but you need that vow. If you are serious about your relationship & love each other like you claim, then what's the problem with making it permanent? No matter what the "in " thinking is; that marriage is out moded, marriage has survived through the ages. Societies are built upon it.
The fact that your boyfriend claims he doesn't believe in marriage because he's from a broken home is no more than a cop-out.
You're good enough to live with, buy a house with, sleep with, but not good enough to commit to?

Answer 3

It is when people treat it so lightly and get divorces at the slightest hint of a problem, its not like in the old days people didn't have problems- they did. However they took the time to work through their problems but a lot of people today live in a divorce happy world at the slightest hint of a problem they run.

If you've managed to stay together longer then 5 years then I think you've got it in you to stay together forever. You've already moved onto the second part of the relatinoship which is less about LETS HAVE SEX ALL DAY to companionship and in a way, greater intimacy.

Its not just your boyfriend who feels like that though, most if not all kids who come from broken families take relationships slower the the normal person, making sure its a good one and in general just being cautious. Making sure they made the right decision. You can never predict a breakup but you can make sure you don't rush into anything and they try to prevent anything making them make the right decision.

Does that make sense?

I don't think marriage is overrated at all, for me its a life commitment, that one person who you got to choose from the entire world to spend your life with. More so its a legal arrangement both getting benefits. Getting married basically tells the world that you're together, and most likely are going to have kids together as well.

Answer 4

Is it overrated? Yup.
We live in a culture that for the most part accepts people "living together" nearly just as good as walking down the aisle. Marriage is a contract & public display that 2 ppl have exclusive access to each other, barring anyone else from entering. .
Even as a guy, I have no idea why other guys feel like their "trapped" if they get married. Shacking up together is still a contract. Splitting up is still just as messy, involving time in court over possessions if a breakup occurs
Getting married is nearly every girls dream. It's just like guys r made to want to have sex. I don't know how it works or y. I guess it's just procuring our species. Other animals pair off, make nests/dens, have babies, and claim territory. We're just a little higher up the "sophistication" ladder. We date, buys houses, have kids, & put a fence around our yard... but we also have cell phones and drive BMW's. Monkeys and penguins don't do that.
If u think getting married won't change your relationship, then y do u want to do it? Why? Because your just made that way.
Broken families still happen in non-marriages. Getting married can be a big Hollywood production. It doesn't have to be. It's been this long, so I bet you won't get him to change his mind even if you wanted to make it a simple ceremony.
Good luck.

Answer 5

That is a tough call. In my personal experience, marriage is great! But that does not mean it is right for everyone.

The thing about marriage is that it really isn't what a lot of people think it is. Technically, it just means that you legally are a couple. That is it. Legally, it is a means of protecting your relationship. Without it, he has the legal right to cheat on you or ditch you whenever he wants, and vice versa, unless you have a child together. It is hard enough when you have the piece of paper that says you are legal. If you are permanently committed to this person, then whether you officially get married or not, you really ARE married. It is just a formality that is missing. You can live without it, and it probably does not matter, but make sure yours and his name are BOTH on everything you own together. Otherwise, without that marriage certificate, whoever does not have their name on the merchandise could be screwed.

Answer 6

I don't think it's over rated. It may have been a strictly religious thing in the past but now it's a cultural thing. Personally I don't want to get married but if you do you should think about how important marriage is to you. Is it something you've only considered casually or something you have dreamed of for a long time. It's important for you to decide now because if you want to get married and your boyfriend doesn't then you are just not compatible. You guys might make it work for now but eventually you are going to resent him for it. If marriage is something you planned for in the future you might need to find another guy.

Answer 7

To some a marriage is a piece of paper and to some it is much much more. I am one of the much much more people. I felt like my marriage was my husband and I becoming one and that we promised that no matter what went on out there in our lives that we would stick together and be there for each other and love one another no matter what. I wouldn't stay with someone that didn't want to marry me because the commitment of marriage is important to me.

You and your boyfriend make your own rules, though. If he feels like marriage is silly, and that is okay with you, then great. You just have to figure out what kind of life you want to have and what you (and your future kids) deserve. If marriage is important to you then you have a lot of thinking to do. If marriage is no biggie, then you have an easy choice.

Soo, as far as advice goes, I will tell you to be true to yourself and do not be afraid to go for what you really want. Think about what you expect out of your life and do not sell yourself short. Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 8

Things "are" what you make them out to be. If you REALLY don't think that marriage would change your relationship- then WHY go thru all the fuss & expense (& NO- I'm NOT your boyfriend in disguise! :) )? Your boyfriend's rationale- is probably based upon the bad experiences he had with his Family- so he's natually "gun-shy" of the idea. This is a SERIOUS issue that WILL come up Over & OVER -again. So you are BOTH going to have to sit down & work it out- or you could run into some problems- down the road.

Answer 9

I think it is over rated. Me and my husband were together for years, bought a house, had kids, and just got married a few weeks ago. Main reason- the kids. Nothing has changed, we already owned the house together, and we still have separate bank accounts... it's just legal now. Wait until it feels right for both of you. I come from a very dysfunctional family and never saw myself being married, but here i am...

Answer 10

Marriage will change your relationship. But not to much extent. You two already live together. You're practically living the married life already. You've already bought a house together, he's already taken it further then most relationships. Having come from a broken home is no excuse. He should want to break that cycle rather then just avoid it completely. It's the only way he's going to move on. Marriage is not over rated. It's a commitment that is just one step further in a relationship. It's when two people, literally, become one. Try explaining this to him. He should understand. Good Luck!

Answer 11

You know, a few years ago I went through a really bad divorce. Most people would think that would have turned me off to marriage, but I can't believe that my ex wife was typical of most women (very insecure, jealous, angry all the time etc etc after 5 years I filed for divorce). So I took a few years and went to counseling to really find out more about me. Flash forward a few years, I've met this really great woman who loves me deeply, is a better mom to my daughter than her own mother, and really wants a future with me. She knows all about the ghosts of my past, but I've consigned them to history, and I want a life with this woman. That was almost 2 years ago. She's a great wife, a great partner, and we have a son on the way. Is marriage worth it? With the right person, oh yeah.