I used to go to church, but......?

Question

I used to feel that there was an 'A List' and a 'B List' in the congregation. I am shy and was looking for acceptance for my 'true' self - and I found that feeling very distressing. I believe very much in God, and there were some very wonderfull people at that church. It was more a 'group dynamics' type of thing such as you get everywhere. I feel quite sure it exists in all churches. I think it is a very destructive problem though, as over the 8 years I attended I saw a number of 'unattractive' people leave. Yes, I was as friendly as I could be. What do others think?

Answer 1

I think that if you believe that every church is the same, then you are not open to any other opinion. You aren't open to trying to find anything other than what you see here. I don't think that every church is like that, but to deny that some are like that is just foolish. I do not know what you mean by "your true self". If you could elaborate on that, it would be more helpful. I think that if someone doesn't feel accepted in a church, then they need to go to another church to a place that they WILL feel at home and loved just as they are. Some people don't want to venture out and try to find such a place. They do exist. I have been to many churches because I've lived in several places. Some were more accepting than others. The one I attend now is wonderful. I cannot tell you how much this church embraces me just as I am. It's a fantastic feeling. The churches that are like that are out there. I can testify to that. I do, however, agree with you on the level that it does destroy churches. But, instead of saying the people that divide others are wrong, I think we should try to befriend those very people that we don't agree with. Within the person that is so confident that they outcast the people that they don't think belong is a person that is so insecure they must insult and push away those that don't match in order to make him or herself feel more at ease with their faults.

Answer 2

Every church is broken because it is made up of broken people. You'll never find a perfect church this side of heaven.

If you like that church, don't leave just because you were hurt by a few people. Not everyone suits everyone else--God made us very different. Yes, everyone SHOULD treat others with complete love and understanding as Jesus would, but who do you know who can do everything they SHOULD do and do it perfectly? Difficulty in relationships is a common problem.

I suggest reading the books "The Bait of Satan: Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense" by John Bevere and "Life Without Strife: How God Can Heal and Restore Broken Relationships" by Joyce Meyer.

If you feel that the church you were attending is entirely too dysfunctional, then find another one; but you'll never find a church where you won't ever get hurt by other people, because we live in a fallen world.

The good part is that by being in a church and being honest, real and friendly, you can make some one else's church experience much better. Jesus loves the Church and His people need each other. You have a part to play in blessing other people through the church.

As a side note, some churches have small groups that meet in people's homes during the week so you can get to know some people better, and they can get to know you. This is helpful especially in larger congregations.

Answer 3

I agree. I have been looking for a church that can make me feel accepted as soon as I walk through the door..But I don't think it exists. Every gathering of people, be it at school, at work or in church have cliques. It seems to be unavoidable.

I am a very social/likable person, But I have rarely been to a church that goes out of their way to welcome me and make me feel comfortable. If they do say hi and welcome to the church it is usually a designated greeter that is obligated to do so, not a warm friendly crowd. Everyone gathers together and groups off before and after the service. You will get the occasional smile but most people are too absorbed with their social lives to notice you or refuse to make eye contact so they don't feel obligated to acknowledge you.

It is very frustrating and turns me and others like me off of the whole church thing. I would love it if I could find a congregation that was warm and inviting and accepting of everyone whether they were dressed poorly or had kids with dirty faces or whatever........Well I guess they have to have standards right? Good thing Jesus didn't care who you were or what you looked like before he would acknowledge you. Maybe they should start practicing what they preach... WWJD?

Answer 4

I think you will see that in a lot of churches especially in larger ones. But remember, the pastor does not control who comes in and who goes. His job is to give the people the Word of God. I see this also, where some people have a hard time trying to fit in. And the problem is not always the people, it's they are at the wrong church and God wants them to be in a smaller congregation where they can exercise their gift and get connected there. Some people like to go to the bigger churches so they can get lost in the crowd. But if you are not doing what God wants you to do, you will not be comfortable there.

Answer 5

Maybe it wasn't the right church for you. It happens. The group dynamic thing is a problem as well as the other things you describe. It shouldn't be that way but it often is. don't give up, just keep your eyes open and look around there are other places to go. God is not limited to one place.

Answer 6

I think there is definitely a problem with this in many churches.

Answer 7

I think church is a waste of time. Any god that rejoices in being worshiped is not worthy of it.

Answer 8

You totally lost me