is this depression??

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years, and have done nothing but fight over this past 2 weeks... i have moved out and am living with my best friend for the time being. We are still dating, just not living together anymore. I feel that it is the only and last resort to try and make things work.. The problem now is that he is saying that he thinks he's gonna need medication to help him. He thinks that he is depressed. I'm not so sure though and i don't want to aggrivate it more if he is! I think he is depressed cause he thinks i'm gonna leave him, but I'm not so sure if it is acytual clinical depression... what do you think? I don't want to make his case worse if it really is.. He can be happy alot, but he is kinda antisocial... that is part of our problem... but when we fight, he cries alot... now that he has brought this up, i'm worried about him..

Answer 1

He sounds depressed to me, but only a doctor can make the final diagnosis on that. I suggest you encourage him to see a doctor so you two can be happy together!

Answer 2

There's a difference between being sad and being depressed. If someone dies and you cry - that's not really "having depression" - depression is when you should be feeling good and you're not. Everyone has bad days - and fights are hardly fun.

You know him better than me - but yes, it could be a "don't leave me because you'll make me spiral into depression" guilt trip. Do what you need to do and what you think is right - and in any case, give him some info about depression. You're not responsible for his mental health, he is.

http://www.beyondblue.org.au - get him to check the checklist on this site or ask him the questions and leave it at that, if you like. Don't let him emotionally blackmail you with a possible mental illness - even if he is clinically depressed it doesn't mean that you "have" to stay with him if you don't want to.

Answer 3

It doesn't sound like clinical depression. It sounds like he is depressed because of your relationship problems. Everyone gets depressed sometimes - there are many things in life that can reasonably make you feel sad. But it probably won't help to tell him that he is not clinically depressed - in fact, it would probably make it worse, because he could feel like you were denying that he feels bad. It's hard to say what would help, without knowing the details of your fights. If you're both committed to working it out, a couples therapist could help a lot. So could individual therapy for both of you. It's thought that very often the unconscious reasons for choosing each other as partners are the same reasons you later have problems in your relationship. A good therapist could help you both figure out what's going on and how to fix it.

Answer 4

It is not suffice to say that you're feeling depressed because of some emotional strains. There are more symptoms then just a feeling. First of all, the feeling needs to be there intensely for at least two weeks and then three must be a combination of at least five of the following symptoms: decreased interest in pleasure and pleasurable activities; change in appetite and weights; disturbed sleeping patterns, e.g. Insomnia or hypersomnia; agitation or retardation; fatigue; feelings of guilt, helplessness, hopelessness and/or worthlessness; loneliness and anxiety; difficulties concentrating – slowing in cognition; thoughts of death and not just the fear of death but suicidal ideation; suicidal attempts or plans; feelings of abandonment.
If he suffers from some of the above symptoms, I suggest that you take him to a doctor quickly to be checked out. However, it may be that he is simply just scared to loose you. When people go through bad break ups, sometimes they become depressed, and sometimes they just feel depressed and lonely due to the loss of a partner. He may be anticipating a breakup and feel this way. Nonetheless, see a doctor if you're still in doubt.

Answer 5

I feel he just LOVE'S you and he straight up has heart for you, I do not believe he's clinic depressed, cause YES you 2 had a fight, and too consider you've been together for 4yrs...That developes a whole lot of feelings...I figure because you 2 had a fight and fought for the last 2 weeks and too you move out, too me the relationship lost some strength and nothings wrong with trying to fill it back with hope....Anyway, He's sad cause he misses the (blank) outta ya:(
Have you thought about the both of you seeing someone together?? Ya might wanna try that.....good luck to you and him!

Answer 6

There are a few things that could be happening. He could be trying to manipulate you into staying with him, so he makes you feel bad. I highly doubt that, but it is deffinitely a possibility. If he is always sad, seems unmotivated, doesn't enjoy things he used to love doing, or has been acting differently then it is probably depression.

You said he seems happy at times, and has times (like when you are fighting) that he can get very emotional. Another option is that he is manic-depressive aka bi-polar.

You can't be sure exactly what it is until he can go see a doctor that can properly diagnose him.

Answer 7

He should seek an evaluation,from what you breifly described in his behavior,he may be bi-polar another term is manic depression.This manifests with extreme mood swings happy on top of the world,can do anything, awake for days, followed by a crash,can't get out of bed,antisocial,world is ending.
Medication can successfully treat,but MUST be closely monitered by Dr. to prevent liver damage,and taken EXACTLY as directed.
MY brother-in-law was bi-polar,I say was because when he and my sister would fight,he would go take one extra pill of one medication he had been on and sleep it off.However,when Dr. changed his meds. my brother-in law failed to either notice the different instructions with new meds or it wasn't explained to him, the danger of even part of an extra dose[pill],as a result when he and my sister fought again,he did what he was used to,and my sister woke up next to his dead body the next morning.He was 24 and they had 2 children.
You are right to seperate until he gets professional help,my sister took a lot of physical abuse, even though non of us doubt his love for her was real.If you don't have children with him keep it that way until he is well along in his treatment.If you do have children you must put their welfare first and stay seperated,while allowing reasonable though possibly supervised visitation.
Also don't take any of his threats lightly,but don't try to "save" him yourself,you can't.Don't let guilt,and he'll dish plenty of it,drag you back.

Answer 8

He probably has depression... But there is not much you can do for him except be supportive. Recommend he talk to a doctor. Make your decission on whether you want to be with him or not at his best and worst. If he were to get on an anti depressant it may help him feel like he can cope better. I would recommend he get put on medication and/or therapy. Best of Luck to you... I hope he gets the help he needs.

Answer 9

It could be, but I do not know what the symptoms are. He might just be making excuses, especially if he is highly emotional or sensitive.

http://www.webmd.com/depression/default.htm

check out the symptoms on there. I had a boyfriend that used to say he was going to do bad things to himself if I left. It was just a needy desperate attempt to get me to stay.

He needs to be evaluated by a doctor or psychologist as soon as possible. He has to decide if he wants to help himself, before you can do anything.

The only for sure way to tell is for him to see a therapist. If he refuses to see one, then he might not be willing to help himself and you should leave if you are unhappy.

Answer 10

if hes bringing it up most likely he is depressed people just dont fling that word around for fun..and youve been with him for 4 years.. i know that the fighting is hard on both of you guys..it would be on anyone.. the only thing i can say is...nothing good ever comes out of moving out after being together for so long and living together.. i probably would talk to him about what he wants and make sure you tell him what you want also.. your else hes going to feel like its one sided..bring up moving back in..that way he knows your serious about the relationship.. and talk to him about getting help..i mean dont call him crazy or anything like that.. but tell him that.. "i know you told me you needed help becuase you think that your depressed. and i want to help you..i want to help you set up the doctor app and be there for you through all of this.." just make sure he knows you want to be there for him.. and i hope everything works out.. if anything.. get a counsler..good luck

Answer 11

Clinical depression? Depends who you ask. Psychology is a soft science and different shrinks would probably diagnose it differently. Just don't marry the guy. The constant fighting you describe is just a minuscule sample of what you'd experience if you were married.

Incidentally, they say Cho Seung-Hui was on anti-depressants. One has to wonder if they didn't contribute to his madness.