He is 100% behind me and my fiance getting married, but he isn't behind a wedding ceremony. Everytime I bring an idea up, he tells me why it impratical or to expensive. Its always about money. And I'm not asking him to help much with that. But it's bringing me down. He keeps telling me to just elope, but its not what i want at all. Any ideas on what I can do to get him on the band wagon? My mom couldn't be more excited and she knows my dad's commments hurt. Any help would be appreciated! Or just advice....
2007-04-19 15:21:46 · 16 answers · asked by bethv_84 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Losing a baby girl is very emotional for fathers. So, give your father a little leaway. My husband had a hard time with our daughter's wedding, she was our first born and the only girl. Double whammy!
Invite Daddy out to coffee, and speak to him. Tell him that you want his imput on the wedding, and that you value his advice. Also, ask for his help in keeping the drama down too. Say that you are stressed enough, and you want such a perfect day, and how much it means that he's going to walk you down aisle. Explain, Daddy isn't hard heart, he's hurting and just doesn't know it.
Please speak with him soon, Don't go for the thoart, charm him with your smiles, and tell him how proud that "he's your Daddy" and that you know that no one could ever take his place in your heart. Tell him you appreciate the financial support and that you are trying hard to keep expenses down.
My husband ended up helping make favors, roll silverware, do odds and ends preparing for the big day. Find him a project that only a Daddy could do. Ask him his opinions, just don't tell him. Included him, ask him if he's feeling left out. He might feel like an outsider with a pocket full hands in his checkebook.
Sweetie, it's a big for you, but it's also a big for your parents. Especially a Daddy having to 'GIVE AWAY' his daughter. Think about it for just a minute. Please talk with him.
Happiest of wedding days and many many blessed years together.
God bless us all..........
2007-04-19 16:21:37 · answer #1 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many men don't like to be involved. Even grooms. I am sure your dad doesn't mean to hurt you that is probably just a part of his personality, he is also just trying to cope with his daughter getting married, and he does probably know first hand about buying expensive unnecessary things then never having a use for them again. Maybe thats just his way of trying to help you. Spend the big bucks on things that will matter like treating yourself to a great honeymoon not worrying about the fancy pens, books, garters etc.... If this is the case. Talk to him and tell him he is being hurtful and bringing you down. I'm sure that is the last thing he wants to do.
2007-04-19 22:53:55 · answer #2 · answered by Michelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most people's dads don't participate much in the planning of the wedding. That said, if you plan on HIM paying for it, then how can you blame him? It IS expensive! Fact is that most dads don't pay for weddings anymore, either. Anything he suggests or helps with is gravy, so I simply wouldn't worry about it. It's the 21st century, and you should plan your own wedding in whatever way YOU want. It is YOUR wedding, not his. If you have to pay for it yourself, then so be it. You can chalk it up to being an adult now. I'd trade your situation for a situation where the parents are interfering with everything any day. Regardless, congratulations! Whatever you do, I hope it is beautiful, and I wish you the best!
2007-04-19 22:32:57 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since you and your guy are paying for the wedding yourselves, you shouldn't have to worry about this. Just plan the wedding you want on the budget you have and the money the two of you have saved.
Do you really mean wedding "ceremony"? - because that's the part of the day where the two of you actually exchange vows and rings and get married.
Most guys - dads and bfs - don't usually get into the planning at all - even if the gals ask, so this sounds odd.
2007-04-19 22:31:20 · answer #4 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would sit down and talk to your dad. I know you said that you are not asking for much money on his part, but maybe this is what is making him uncomfortable. Could the amount that you are asking for be too much? Who knows, maybe he is not in a good financial situation right now and doesn't know how to bring it up and feels like he should be doing more. Just let him know that what is most important to you is that he be there, participate and enjoy your big day.
Good luck.
2007-04-19 22:57:52 · answer #5 · answered by passiveaggressive 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who's paying for the wedding? Can you afford the things you're planning? Maybe he's just trying to be realistic. What you should do is make a budget on paper and talk it over with him, that way he can see that you've already figured out if you can or can't afford something.
2007-04-20 17:48:50 · answer #6 · answered by calliope320 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's hurting you, stop trying to get him involved. Don't bring anymore ideas up to him. If you're not asking him to help pay, then go ahead and plan things yourself the way you want and leave him out of it. I've planned almost all my wedding without informing my parents of anything (except the cake because my mom wanted to buy that for me, and i asked her opinion on a couple dresses). If i'm paying for it it's none of their business. It's my day and my money so they have no say.
2007-04-19 22:40:46 · answer #7 · answered by katskradle 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Confront your dad, tell him what you think. Then if its too overpriced, search for something cheaper, your wedding is only a once in a life time oppurtunity(unless divorce reamins in your future), but if you can use your own money in the wedding ask friends and other family members to put money in. Best of luck with your wedding.
2007-04-19 22:28:39 · answer #8 · answered by Kevin Nguyen 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what he is willing to give you toward the wedding? Ask if you and your Mom can choose how to spend it. Tell him it is bringing you down to have everything about the money. this is the biggest day of your life.
If he doesnt want to contribute better to know that and plan around it.
2007-04-19 23:35:11 · answer #9 · answered by Nora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your wedding. Why do you need reassurance that you're doing it right?
Just make your decisions and then let everyone know what you're doing.
Maybe your dad doesn't like your fiance and is trying to boycott the wedding? There's more to this story, I'm sure.
2007-04-19 22:25:48 · answer #10 · answered by Nina 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋