what do u think of my poem???

Question

CONSTUCTIVE CRITISIM plz!!!! u can teel me if anything is missing what 2 add, etc. here it is:


I am


I am the one who will change the world. I have the power to accomplish anything.

Who says that one can’t do a lot?
I will be the one to stand up. To speak. To spread the real Islam. To clear its name. To make things right. Will it ever be right?
What has become of the world? Who will take charge after the shield that protects the earth is gone ?
Who can change the way society acts to each other? Me.

The fight for rights and freedom has been the worlds history.

Rebelling, taking over, and starting all over, but are we where we began?

I am Ayah, let me tell you the story about a world
where brothers fight brothers
where people recoil at the word Islam
where the chances of peace in the world is as small as a grain of rice
and where the fight for a change is almost impossible.

Who says one can’t accomplish a lot?

I don’t. It has happened many times before.

For it is history

Answer 1

Peace. It seems to be missing peace.

Answer 2

Suggestions: Poetry boils down unnecessary words and phrases, while painting the page with figures of speech and images. These are suggestions. take what you'd like
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I Am the One

who will change the world,
with power to accomplish anything.

I will stand up, speak,
spreading the real Islam.to clear its name,

Who will take charge
after the shield that protects the earth is gone?
I can change the way people treat each other.

History recalls fights for rights,
for freedom.
I tell stories where brothers fight brothers,
where people recoil at Islam,
where the chance of world peace
is as small as a grain of rice

And I will lead the fight for seemingly impossible change

Answer 3

I think this poem has ALOT of meaning, not just about power, recoil and truth but it just stands out.

"I will be the one to stand up. To speak. To spread the real Islam. To clear its name. To make things right. Will it ever be right?" - That makes me think about standing up, The rights of mankind and what just one person dose CAN make a difference.

"Who can change the way society acts to each other? Me." - Yet again what one person dose can make a differnce. People would turn up their noises and say not just one person can change how society acts but it is possible!

While there are some parts I dont quite understand and can translate I believe this is a good poem.

God Bless!

Answer 4

I think the poem is wonderful in it saying, and that you should enter it into a contest. You might have an English teacher who knows the proper places for pauses and punctuation look at it first. And maybe add "I am human." to the end of the second line, so you are respecting all of humanity to understand. Because we all need to get along. Good job!

Answer 5

I like. Insapirational regardless of your faith, because you could say the same about any spiritual path, they all have their detractors.
You are a Master of your own Destiny, and this poem suggests you have the drive to make the most of that.

Answer 6

Unstructured. Read a poetry book. Poetry for Dummies perhaps?

Answer 7

This is more spoken word than poetry. Over all good concept but you contradict yourself, having the power to change it but not having a chance in h3ll to do it? needs some tuning.

Answer 8

not a poem at all, might as well call it an essay about yourself. Not enough imagery. Just because u put question marks at the end of a sentence and leave them unanswered don't mean it's a poem.

Answer 9

No matter what you do, some are going to like it, and some aren't. Express yourself any way. Groove on what you groove on. Sooner or later, others who groove on the same stuff will join you....

Answer 10

In all honesty the message seems to be intense for a religon that is already taking criticism for having radical fanatics.