My son is 6 and thinks his dad is my boyfriend (who I have 2 other children with). He has been raised by my BF for 5 and a half years. His real dad left when he was a baby. I have never talked about this with him. I am worried he will be more upset if I wait to tell him. But at this age will he understand? I am looking for real advise, please do not answer if you have nothing to offer.
2007-04-19 14:03:25 · 11 answers · asked by Rita B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, I have a similar situation. My husband is not the father of my little girl. We met when my daughter was only 1.5 years old. His kids would tell my daughter that their father is not her daddy. That hurt me terribly, but my daughter remembers him as the person that mommy started dating while she was young. Eventually, though I will tell her everything, but right now like every one says, he is still too young. I don't think he will be hurt by it, especially if you tell him that your boyfriend loves him very very much. My daughter knows that her daddy right now loves her, and that is all that matter. I will tell her everything someday, but not at this very young age. My husband also adopted her.
2007-04-19 14:35:27 · answer #1 · answered by heavenlyours2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to realize this is an adult topic, so why would you try to discuss this with a child. I would not sit down with a 6 year old to discuss how I am bugetting our money, for example. I agree the child should know, but not until he is old enough to comprehend the subject matter, or its implications. I would probably think about discussing this, if it were me, with the child when he is around 12 years old.
Granted if the real father enters the picture you'll have to deal with it sooner, but think of it as being " on a need to know basis" until the child is older.
You will furthermore, not solve anything at this point. You will still have to redo the conversation again when the child is older anyhow, so why do it twice.
You may also want to discuss adoption with the natural father, if this is a permenent situation type of thing, like it sounds to me. If boyfriend would like to adopt, then you should try to locate real_dad and approach him with the idea; otherwise, it is only right you make him keep up his end of the obligation > > file for child support, and this too may encourage his willingness in an adoption, if that is an option for your family.
But don't get into this with such a young child, no matter what else you decide, enjoy the closeness they have.
2007-04-19 14:44:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest is not a good age yet, I have a 6 years old boy and my perception is that at that age they do not understand many things yet. Also father is the one who raise the children with love, not the one who slept with and you left without any responsibility.
2007-04-19 14:46:08 · answer #3 · answered by Many4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you have a desire to let him know now, but I think he would benifit by waiting until he is older.
If you feel you must tell him, start off by telling him how much your BF loves him, he can understand that this man is not his dad. My only worry for him is that it will make him feel different or disassociated with your other children.
Good Luck - my heart goes out to you and your son
2007-04-19 14:10:27 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ ~Isabelle's mommy~ ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
basically supply him a hug and tell him. there is mostly a solid, each and every so often unstated, bond between father and son that often continues to be no count how previous you get. My son is 20 and constantly supplies me a hug in the previous he is going decrease back to uni and he's 6' 3" and performs rugby. i'm useful your dad will savor it, as I do. choose for it ! sturdy success.
2016-10-12 23:52:32 · answer #5 · answered by garretson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your boyfriend treat him as if he were his son? It doesn't take much to be a father of a child but being a daddy is the best thing. Explain it to him that he has a father and a daddy (your boyfriend). That may help some so that he knows that he is loved by his daddy.
2007-04-19 14:47:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would wait until he is a little older and tell him but just remember there is a difference between a dad and a father. Anybody can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad.
2007-04-19 14:16:26 · answer #7 · answered by mommie_29801 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this age you will just screw him up, he is too young to understand. It will confuse him and that is not a good idea.
However if you wait too long he will resent both of you. You should never have lied to him to begin with.
2007-04-19 14:08:44 · answer #8 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I'd wait a few more years, hon. He's still so young and I don't think he'd really understand right now. Good luck!
2007-04-19 14:13:45 · answer #9 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must always remain virtuous - true to yourself. . . he may not understand everything, but at least he will understand your honesty.
2007-04-19 14:09:50 · answer #10 · answered by Ann 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋