Repost: Debate on my homosexual friend and a friend who says she is no longer living a gay lifestyle.?

Question

Sorry, I deleted the word FRIEND by mistake in my question and the question was taken out of context. I am a heterosexual female, so therefore I don't understand why two homosexuals would be fighting over this subject. Perhaps I am missing something.

I have two friends who I feel I am at a crossroads for. One friend has been born again for some years now, and says she is no longer gay and doesn't participate in the lifestyle anymore. My other male friend who is still currently living a homosexual lifestyle says she is in denial and she needs to be true to herself. You can sort of feel tension in the air when they are together. In some ways I feel caught in the middle. It seems he is pressuring her to go back to her old sexual lifestyle, which is kind of backwards. I thought it would be the other way around. What do you think? I am kind of tight lipped about the situation, but I think he is a little hard on her. How can I keep our friendship going without taking sides?

Mr "Report". I deleted the 1st question that I posted to reword my question so HAHAHAHAHA! I am not in violation . And guess what? I will not be able to read any scarcastic comment you make, because your comment is blocked from my view. :)

Now moving on to intelligent comments by good people who actually want to help. :)

Answer 1

dear friends, i would like to make a comment on this subject, if u don't mind, so please indulge me:)

the debate about homosexuality or any moral factor is especially difficult when the debate revolves around faith/religion. my use of the word faith is especially important because one's religion is just that 'faith.' another words its a personal decision to believe. the christian faith puts a tremedous amount of emphasis on 'choice' and i think 'choice' is the relative concept when talking about 'sin.'
when 'christians' discuse change or being 'born again' what they're really talking about is 'choice.' anotherwords, they have choosen to believe in the christian bible, and therefore, they choose to follow the quidelines in the text. the christian faith makes it very clear that all humans can never rid themselves of 'sin' and the "we all fall short of the glory of god," paul says in romans, "why does my flesh continue to do the things i'm morally opposed to?"......the reason your friend has a difficult time believing the girl has not 'changed' is because the girl has technically not really 'changed,' she has simply made the decision (the choice) to ignore what she desires. in the same way glutteny is a 'sin' according to the 'christian faith' and 'christian' can 'choose' to 'buffett' themselves into a comma after sunday service or they can 'choose' to eat a normal meal. she is simply ignoring the temptation inside her bones because she's fearful of the consequences of 'homosexualiy,' but she is still very much a homosexual on the inside in the same way people are still gossips, gluttens, fornicaters, or whatever we all are on the inside as well or antherwords 'human.'

personaly, i can genuinely understand where this girl is probably coming from. christianity is a difficult concept especially if your a homosexual. people seem to treat homosexuality different from other 'sins.' people will almost joke about 'gossip' or 'gluttony' but it's as tho homosexuality is so much more sinful to people although biblicly "all sins are equal in the eyes of the lord."

it's a little different when 'gay' people decide they want to be a christian because what that really means for them, is that they are required to give up their identity, they are required to ignore their very instincts, not just the instinct of attraction, but the instinct in this world to not be alone. that quite different then giving up the extra taco or waiting until your married for sex. a person never stops wanting the extra taco, and a person never stops being tempted to gossip or have sex or whatever in the same way a person never stops being attracted to the same sex, like everyone else they simply choose not to act or dwell on it. so i say to your dear female friend make your own decisions in life, and i say to male buddy everyday she's willing to listen 'choose' to talke some sense into her:)
peace

ps. ignore all spelling errrerrrs.

Answer 2

Assuming she is really homosexual, he is correct. If she was truly gay then she still is. That's the problem with the serious religious folk. They repress natural behavior. It's been proven time and again that homosexual behavior is not a choice. You're born with it. Ask any homosexual and (s)he will tell you that.

The other issue you need to address is whether or not she really is homosexual. Like Dan Savage says, "All the gay men I knew 10 years ago are still gay. Almost all the gay (or was it bisexual) women I knew 10 years ago are now with men." Some women go through a phase of sexual experimentation.

If they are close friends and you're really interested in getting involved (which isn't always a good idea) then ask her if she is still attracted to women but is repressing her attraction due to her religious beliefs. Who knows, maybe she became religious because she didn't like herself as a homosexual.

Answer 3

Any of your friends can provide any solid evidence or witnesses that your bf is gay or bisexual? Tell them that when they have evidence or a witness then they can come talk to you - until then they need to keep quiet. Outside of that, if you have even the slightest doubt about your bf then maybe you should arrange for some quiet time together where you can talk with him about it in a calm, reassuring, non-threatening way. If he really is gay/bi then it won't be easy for him to talk about it. So be gentle, be kind and be very understanding of his fear of rejection by his friends and others who might not be openminded. Good luck.

Answer 4

Okay, from a lesbian pov... from a scientific pov... you don't choose to not be LGBT... it's impossible. It's not a "lifestyle"... Goth is a lifestyle, punk is a lifestyle... being LGBT is not something you can choose... goddess knows I would never have chosen to be among some of the most legally hated people on the planet. It destroys people lives, all the hate and bigotry based on a narrow view of ethics that doesn't always make logical sense to everybody.

He's pressuring her to be HERSELF, not conform to that narrow view because many of us know what pretending to be something you're not can do to you psychologically, which, believe it or not IS more damaging than being a direct target of homophobia and hate. It's evident in psychological studies, etc. He probably is being a little hard on her but he also needs to understand that only she can change her mind... or not... and suffer the consequences... or not.

He needs to educate her, and then step back... one can only do so much. I pity her because she's fallen victim to this disgusting rhetoric of "change", but I also understand how tempting it can be to want to not be so HATED, DESPISED, and have you're life threatened. Try our shoes on for a minute... we're not ALL what we do or do not do in bed, no matter what little things trip across your imagination that might make you go "ick"... we are HUMAN... not what you reduce us to.

You can keep your friendship going by not being judgemental either way, letting them be themselves, be altruistic and compassionate. That's the best thing to do. Remember you don't have to agree with us but stay out of my head and hers, and his... we're no threat to heteros... not really, except maybe your egos.

_()_

Answer 5

People who are 100% gay can never be happy even if they 'act' straight because 'God wants them to' -- but -- I believe more of us are bi-sexual than 100% gay. So, perhaps your new-christian freind is bi and now living a straight lifestyle due to the rhetoric some religions teach ... including the falsehood that one can pray away their sexuality. this falsehood hurts, harms, and even kills - and lots of LGBT people feel grumpy about this! Of course there is tension. It may not get resolved, but whatever happens, it is between them - don't take sides, just walk away when you need to until they know you love them both, just as they are.

Answer 6

No one should pressure anyone into living a lifestyle they disagree with. Your friend made the choice to not have sex with people of the same sex, that is HER choice and your other friend needs to butt out because it isn't his life or his body. No one is telling him to turn straight, why is he telling her to turn gay? Also, I hope she isn't trying to convince him to do the same as she has done, because that is not her business any more than it's his business if she chooses not to be gay anymore. Just tell him to drop it because the choice isn't for him to make.

To the people who say being gay isn't a choice, that is only half true. You cannot choose who you are attracted to, but you CAN choose whether you have sex with them. She chose to no longer be gay in the sense that she will no longer have sex with other women, not that she made up her mind that she isn't attracted anymore. Besides, it may turn out that she's bi and just prefers females, in which case she isn't being untrue to herself.

Answer 7

You try to keep the friendship alive by saying that you are no longer going to take sides. They have their own decisions to make.

I do not for a minute believe, however, that a gay person can change their preference any more than straight people can. Your friend is not being true to herself.

Answer 8

I think that the best thing you can do for both your friends is just be a friend and don't intervene. Support each of them for their right to lead the life they want.

However, speaking as a non heterosexual I think that your female friend is in for a long life of misery if she decides for the good of her religion to deny her true feelings. She'll resent her boyfriends/husbands/mates etc even if it's only in her subconscious because of her underlying desires.

Not to mention it's extremely unhealthy to believe that your natural urges are "wrong" or "sinful". I hope she saves thousands of dollars in counseling later and realizes that God loves her just as much no matter who she crushes on.

Blessings

Answer 9

God says that any sex outside of marriage to the opposite sex is sinful, so your homosexual friend is wrong. God doesn't make anyone a homosexual, that's incorrect. No one is born gay, that blames God for their temptations. God designs us for heterosexual relationships, we choose to engage in homosexual relationships. Your gay friend may not have control over his attractions, but he has complete control over whether he acts on those attractions. Your female friend has simply decided to obey God and refrain from sin.

Answer 10

I think that your practicing homosexual friend is just upset that someone was able to break out of that lifestyle.

What I'd do? Stop talking about it.Stay out of it completely.When you are with them,don't get dragged into arguments.Change the subject.