Too young to be ring bearer?

Question

Hi my son has been asked to be a ring bearer at a wedding later this year. It is of family (inlaws) I barely know... he doesn't know them at all. He will have just turned 3. At this time he can be a "terrible two" not following directions; being strong willed etc. I don't see this changing anytime soon. How do I tell them no without getting them mad -- we will have a new 6 month old at that time... plus we will have to travel to the wedding. All expeses and time... for what... us exhaustion and most likely embarrasment. Isn't this too young to be in a wedding? It is supposed to be a special day for the bride and groom and I just see it getting ruined. Not because our son is a brat as I have read on other web sites but because he is a little boy... and what little boy needs to be stuck in a wedding? I don't find it an honor more of a hassle? Any ideas??

Answer 1

3 years old is not too young to be a ring bearer, but he is your son and you know him better than anyone else. you make the right choice. if you think he will not obey and follow direction then he shouldn't be in the wedding. have you tried talking to the bride/groom and see what they think?

Answer 2

The 'too young part is easier to answer, so I'll tackle that first. A child is too young to take part in a wedding ceremony if they cannot stand through the whole thing without fidgeting or complaining, or if they cannot understand that the day is about the bride and groom and is willing to do everything for the purpose of making things go smoothly and making the couple happy. I have seen some weddings go pretty badly due to a childish tantrum or other immaturity (or fainting from the heat, in summer, but that happened to three people, including an adult bridesmaid and the bride, so the pastor was prevailed upon to abbreviate the service just a bit.) Obviously, this will differ from person to person, but if the bride and groom are the one(s) choosing their attendants, they should know well enough who is capable of standing up for them and who is not. Too old is a bit more difficult, but not in the same way. If one has a big, big family, it might be better to have a couple extra attendants than one too few. A snag may arise if the bride has a big family and the groom does not, resulting in possible unbalance. It is probably also better for bridesmaids and matching groomsmen to LOOK close in age, for photographic purposes, and for dancing, if there is to be any. And recall that while a year or two may be no big issue for adults, it is sometimes an insurmountable barrier for teens or grade schoolers. (Refer to Section 1, above.) Hope this helps.

Answer 3

3 shouldn't be too young to be a ring bearer...

But it is your choice...

Be honest tell them exactly what you have written here... You don't think he is old enough, you are worried he will be uncooperative, you will have a 6 mo. old then and fear you will be too exhausted to be able to bring your son all that way...

If you do choose to go here are some helpful hints...

Get a soft book of games he can play during the ceremony...

Don't dress him until a few minutes before he walks down the aisle...

Have one parent near the front of the aisle and one at the rear with him... When the time comes send him to the parent at the front... They should have the game book and other quiet toys to occupy him for 30-45 minutes at most... At the end send him to the parent at the back .. They should have a few toys as well to keep him busy before and just after the ceremony.....

Let the bride and groom know he will be available for photos for only a short time.. Then play it by ear if he gets fussy give him a break... Most likely he will only need to be in pictures for a short time...

My nephew (4) and my neice (2) were ring bearer and flower girl at my 1st wedding... Other than a picture at the end ceremony during the recesional, showing my nephew finally overcome by the need to test the elastic on his sisters hat (he lifted it up on popped it back on her head) it was flawless...

Besides I dearly love that picture, I could see him itching to pop the hat from before we went down the aisle... that he lasted that long was amazing and I am so glad it was caught on film...

People expect comical funny events from children in weddings be it the flower girl who lifts her dress high before sitting down so it doesn't wrinkle, to the ring bearer who carrys the pillow like a football. They are indearing moments..

Answer 4

Typically, little boys between the ages of three and six are used as ring bearers. I personally think kids under 5-6 are too young. I don't think it's cute to see a 3 year old throwing a fit, picking his nose, and wandering around lost. I'd say no.

Answer 5

Try explaining to them the age thing- he is simply too young and if he is anything like my baby cousin (he was 4 at that time and he refused to walk, his mother had to basically drag him down the aisle) he will only ruin the special moment for them. Tell them that you would hate to see that happen and maybe suggest some other kid that is more mature and can handle it like a big boy.

Answer 6

I think it is an honor, and I also think they probably understand that your son is young and that there could be mistakes. My son did it when he was a little over 2 years old and we also had our 7 month old with us, we had to travel over 1000 miles but he did fine and I think it was worth it. Things can't always go as planned but you just have to take it in stride. Also, If for any reason you don't want to go you shouldn't feel pressured just tell hem the truth, they should be able to understand your reasons.

Answer 7

I think at 3 year old it depends on the child, I would tell them that you do not think your son has developed the attention span for this yet... it would also be different if these were very close friends or relatives that knew that child

Answer 8

Apart from it being a hassle to you, i'd tell them everything you just told us. It is a perfectly legit. reason to not have him be ring bearer. You are concerned that it may ruin their day. I am sure they will be understanding.

Answer 9

I think it's too young even for the best behaved kid. Just say no politely, and that you feel he is too young. Just attend the wedding and have fun.

Answer 10

I think 3yrs is a good age, but , only you know how your child is and how he will act. For the in laws to have asked is an honor for them but if its not for you then don't do it that would just be hypocritical.