Why am i like this? Serious answers only please?

Question

I constantly want to commit suicide but do not understand why? In my lifetime no major incidents have happened, no one close has died nothing like that. Nothing remotely sad has occurred, however, I want to die? I am not depressed, I only feel like this when I am alone, if I am out with friends or at school, as long as I am not alone I am perfectly fine, happy with everything, yet as soon as I am alone, I change. As if I am different person, constantly thinking about death.

I don’t self harm, never have. Every night in bed, I think about death, for the last few years the only way I’ve remembered getting to sleep is by thinking about death
. When I think I do not think of why I want to die. Not that I want to die because I’m “Sad” with my life! Or want to “escape life” .Nothing like that, just me dieing in my head. How would I do it, Where?, When? I think about me dieing , being stabbed, run over, asphyxiation etc . I just fear that i will cave in


Whats wrong with me?

Answer 1

try a job at a undertakers for a time , you mite feel different after.

Answer 2

There is nothing 'wrong' with you. Most people contemplate death daily, if only for a fleeting moment. Some even try and decide how they would like to go.

I assume you are a teenager because you say you are at still at school. Your hormones will be running wild now, and that is all part of growing up, and makes you think, and sometimes do, stupid things. Don't worry about it too much, you will look back in a few years and wonder why you even thought that way.

I spent a lot of time worrying about life, and death when I was a teenager. Something I really didn't need to do, but I couldn't help it.

I'm still here, after all these years, and worrying about anything never made any difference to my life, other than making me waste time on worrying.

Just enjoy every moment, even the worrying thoughts, they are all a part of growing. Becoming a kind and considerate adult. Which you will be in due time, just don't rush to get there.

Answer 3

This sounds really tough - a struggle to deal with these thoughts every time you're alone. There's something about being with other people that blocks out these thoughts. Similarly, my hunch is that you have managed to block out something difficult (not necessarily sad or abusive or other easily identifiable experience). The thoughts of death keep you away from being aware of whatever it is just as being with other people keeps the thoughts at bay.

There may be things from your early childhood - not those obviously horrible things like abuse - that were difficult for you. This can happen no matter how caring your parents were or intended to be. A small child can experience things very differently from how the adults around them intend. I'd suggest you see a psychotherapist. If you're in the UK, ask your GP for a psychotherapy referral or find a private psychotherapist at www.psychotherapy.org.uk - preferably someone with a psychoanalytic or psychodynamic orientation or an integrative psychotherapist informed by those approaches or a psychosynthesis psychotherapist.

Answer 4

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. All people obsess over something at some point in their life. My nephew has had a similar obsession to yours for years. I spent many years considering 'what is there after death?' If it really is a problem for you then it would be a good idea to consult a doctor, but I suspect that you'll probably grow out of it in time anyway. If you do want to find out what the spirit realm has in store, then read Michael Newton's Journey of souls. He's done some other books but Journey of souls is the one that you want. However, and this is important, it does stress that the souls of suiciders are frowned upon in the spirit realm for a long time after their demise, so don't do that.

Hope this helps

Answer 5

Dude, you're not going to find an answer here, I'm pretty sure. I'm guessing something in your past is causing your preoccupation with death when you don't have any distractions around you. Or maybe it's some variation of schizophrenia. You definitely should talk with a doctor about this condition. I don't have the feeling you'd really do anything to yourself or you'd have done it by now. I think it's just the thinking about it that gives you satisfaction. Nevertheless, you sound unhappy because of these thoughts, so for that reason you should look for some professional help. Start with your family doctor. There are better days ahead for you, I'm sure of that. Treat yourself well, be safe. God bless.

Answer 6

Grace unto you, and peace,
from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Seriously, the problem is either your own legalism or else you've been a victim of spiritual abuse (legalism of others).

It's quite common among many having religious parents. I'm not saying religion is bad, but impure religions are abusive.

Even Paul The Apostle had this problem. He notably felt "wretched" in Romans 7 and reveals the source of it as "another law"; Which is "the second" in both Matthew 22:36-40 and Romans 8:2. In other Pauline epistles it is called evil "concupiscence", which you can learn about by searching the word concupiscence or the words evil concupiscence, as I have two pages on it.

You might check the link below, for it sounds like you are depressed lower than the first of seven layers of oppression, perhaps the sixth layer if you're having suicidal thoughts.

The GRACE of our Lord Jesus Christ with you all. Amen.

Answer 7

Henry - there is nothing wrong with you. Lots of people think of dying. They are scared of the unknown, how will they die, what it is like to die etc etc. The thought of it terrifies me and I think about it sometimes too. We are human and we all have dark thoughts sometimes. I really don't like the assumption that you are "depressed". It is NOT normal to feel 100%, and on cloud nine 100% of the time - we all wonder things and question things. Please do not start taking antidepressents - this is not the way forward for you - it alters the mind, turns you into a zombie and there lots of side effects including feeling sluggish and making you addicted to them. You have a fear of dying that is all - most of us do!. When these thoughts come into your mind, try and think positive - the chances of you dying from being stabbed or run over are remote. You may just be anxious but that is very different from being depressed. You are normal - please don't think otherwise. x

Answer 8

Hey, sounds like you have become obsessed and thus re-wired you brain to think in a certain way. There are several things you could try.
C.B.T- Cognitive behavioural Therapy this will help you to understand why you think the way you do/behave and so you can catch yourself going in to this loop/thinking pattern.
You could also try N.L.P Neural linguistic programing this will help you to change the way you think...and help you to achieve a different view point. I am not sure how old you are but it is normal at points through life to consider death and killing yourself but it sounds like it has become a way of life for you.

I would consider seeking professional help. You say you are not depressed but i would beg to differ, you sound depressed as you are OK when you have stuff to occupy your mind. Meditation may also help you to control you mind and help you to focus on more positive things...
Well that's all from me and good luck you can achieve another way of being with a little time and effort.

Answer 9

This is something to be discussed with a mental health professional, preferably a psychiatrist.

This suicidal ideation (contemplation of ones death) is not normal, and may actually be dangerous to your life or health.

I do not know what, exactly is wrong with you. It may be medical, or it may be psychological, or both. Only a qualified person who interviews and examines you can answer that. I can tell you that your symptoms would indicate a serious condition, and treatment should not be delayed any longer.

If you don't know where to go for help -
call a hospital and ask to speak with someone in the Emergency Room (nurse). They can refer you to someone.

Or, call your local Mental Health/ Behavioral Health Clinic.
They will have someone qualified to connect you with.

Whoever you call, I hope you do get the help, and follow through with your appointments.
There is Hope.

Answer 10

Well thinking about death when you're alone and wanting to commit suicide are two different things. They're totally separate but you can get the idea they're the same and think it follows one on to the other, but they aren't.

Seek medical help on a physical level to check all bodily functions are working A okay.

Read this book!

Answer 11

Hi Henry, My names Caroline, I feel that maybe you had a fascination that's grown to be a unhealthy obsession. also the fact that these thoughts always occur when you have gone to bed/on your own it seems that its grown to be an obsessive compulsive disorder.As you are happy within yourself I wouldn't call it depression rather an unhealthy obsession due to some underlying issues, you need to talk about this with someone you trust, a doctor, friend or family member. This is a hard first step and I hope that you get some support. x x