Should I let my fiance make the decisions for the wedding?

Question

I'm the groom and I really want to help plan the wedding. I know traditionally it's the bride's day, but I want it to be an equal part because it's my day too, is it not? Also my parents will be paying over $20,000 for the wedding, not hers. What do you all think?

Answer 1

Chris, yes you should be in on any decision that concern your wedding. You are 100% right that it's your big day too! Most brides would kill for a groom like you who wants to help make decisions! Sit your bride down and explain that you want to be included and that you just don't want to show up, that you would love to help her make "OUR DAY" the happiest and memorable day for the both of you!

My son-in-law was involved in everything but picking out the dress my daughter wore. He helped with colors, food, decorations, down to designing the favors to give away!
He was like you-a dream come true.

Happiest of wedding days and many many years of blessed years for you and your bride.

God bless us all........

Answer 2

I think you should absolutely be involved if you want to be! In fact, I think that's great that you want to help plan the wedding. There's a lot to do, and having planned my own, there were many times that I was really glad I had my husband's help.

However, there are some things that you should NOT be involved in, such as her dress. She may not want you to see it before the wedding day, and the dress should be mostly her decision.

I would suggest you and your fiance sit down and talk about your ideas. Let her know that you want to help and find a way of working together that suits both of you. If she has ideas that she wants to do the whole thing herself, you may meet with some resistance, but do your best to provide a reasonable compromise. There's no reason she should have total control over a day that is about BOTH of you.

Answer 3

I think it's great that you want to have a hand in planning your wedding. A lot of men just kind of show up. Even tho I am commeding you for your eagerness to help I also can't help but feel that you have a bit of ego behind the fact that it is YOUR parents who are paying that much, not HERS. It really should not matter who is paying, and it shouldn't make any difference what so ever on who plans the wedding. The only reason why you should want to help, is because you want to have it as much your day as it is hers. Figure that part out first.

Another bit of advice, don't argue with her over stuff that is important to her.

Answer 4

Let me tell you something.....all these girls saying, "I wish my fiance/husband/boyfriend was like you" well, my fiance IS like you. It IS great for a while, then there is this one HUGE issue....

I am a very laid-back person, not much of a decision maker. My fiance isn't, either, except for our wedding. He has so many ideas, it's crazy. It worked out wonderfully for a while. We hit a big snag with the guest list. I didn't want a huge wedding. I wanted to invite maybe 200 people (which is tiny when you factor in my family) but he wanted something like 350. We compromised and said we'd invite no more than 250. I cut my list down SOOO much; I have about 90 people and I know they'll all come because it's immediate family. (Literally aunts uncles and cousins, a few of my parent's closest friends thrown in) His list just kept getting bigger and bigger...and he has a tiny family! We sent out the invites, all 275 people that were invited. Then his parents said, "Oh, I forgot this person and this person...and these people." I flipped out at him, told him this wasn't my wedding it was HIS family's.

So, I know you want to run the show, and that's great, but remember this has been her dream for a long time. Don't take it away from her. (I still feel like I'm going to regret my own wedding...not a great feeling)

....Oh, and who's paying doesn't matter. My parents are paying for most of our wedding, his parents' guest list makes up more than half.

Answer 5

First of all I think your parents should not be spending so much money on the wedding. Second of all I think that If your parents will be paying for the wedding, then you should also be planning the wedding. It should be more like you get to plan 65% and she should plan 35%

Answer 6

Normally the Groom doesn't help because he doesn't want to help. If you want to help it shouldn't matter who's parents are paying for it, you should be able to help. My fiance and I are paying for our wedding ourselves and we are making the decisions for it together. Just remember one thing, I know you want to help but she has probably been planning this wedding since she was 10. She should let you help, you just need to be sensitive to her dreams. Don't let her be bossy and demanding, just be understanding. The way we are working it, of course I picked my dress and my girls dresses. We kinda picked the colors together, I helped him pick out the tuxes to make sure the colors matched. He doesn't care about the flowers or decor, but he does like planning the food, so he have full control over that. But neither of us make a final decision without talking about it first. Good Luck!

Answer 7

All you need to do is talk to your fiancé; hopefully your ideas about the wedding are similar to hers, and you guys can make plans that are acceptable to both of you. If you can't come to an agreement on what to have for your wedding, perhaps it's a good warning of things to come. But I'm sure she will appreciate your input - you just have to speak up.

Answer 8

I wish my groom was like you!!!

Just be sure that you don't overstep anything, you don't want Bridezilla coming out. Also understand that there are probably a few things that she has been dreaming of since she was in elementary school and may be hard for her to compromise on.

Finally, last peice of advice, do not throw the fact that your parents are paying in her face. If there is anything that will prbably cause a fight, it would be that.

Good luck and congrats!! You fiance will be glad to have some help.

Answer 9

First of all, the two of you should be paying for your own wedding! You are grownups, right? And decisions should be made by both of you, it is NOT just the bride's day, though some brides feel differently.

Answer 10

You should absolutely have a say in it. In fact a major say sine your family is fronting the bill.

Start taking the lead in planning and see if she reacts. If she gets upset and wants to push you out of the planning process then have a talk with her, but most likely she will love the fact that you want to be involved.