My daughter wears an eyepatch. What do I say? Please help!!?

Question

My daughter has a "lazy eye". She is 4 years old. She wears glasses. (very cute pink ones :) ) She doesn't have a problem wearing them. She likes them actually. Her eye doctor had us start patching her stronger eye to straighten & strengthen her weaker eye. Here's the problem: What do I say to people who come up to us in public and want to know what's wrong with her? They always ask right in front of her. I don't want her to feel that her patch is drawing that much attention because then I'm afraid she won't wear it. We tried the band aid patches and ordered the fancy ones with pretty designs too. Everyone thought she had hurt herself. So now she has a foam patch that connects to her glasses and is rainbow color. This still draws attention like she is majorly hurt. She has no diabilites whatsoever. Everyone is treating her as so. What do I say? When I tell the truth they are always wanting to know more.

THIS IS FOR THE RUDE PEOPLE WITH COMMENTS LIKE JOSEPH II'S. SHE HAS TO WEAR THIS PATCH. THIS ISN'T SOMETHING SHE IS DOING FOR DRESS UP. SHE IS DOING IT TO IMPROVE HER EYE SIGHT. SHE IS VERY VERY LOVED AND GETS ALL THE ATTENTION SHE COULD GET. SEE THIS IS WHAT I MEAN BY IGNORANT PEOPLE.

Answer 1

No matter what- you will come across ignorant people, and for that I am sorry. It is perfectly ok to tell a well-meaning stranger who asks that it is to strengthen her eye. You don't have to go into intricate detail, but you don't have to be rude to people who are just curious. However, if you feel the person is being intentionally rude, or overly investigative in their questions, it is perfectly ok to turn your daughter away and say goodbye to the offender. Part of the trick is to put an offender in their place without acting like a crazed mother bear in front of your four-year-old. Always answer politely, even if the person is offensive or just plain ignorant. If they say, "What is wrong with her?", the best answer is "Absolutely nothing!" Or, you can just say something like, "The patch helps to strengthen her eye. Don't you think her glasses are cute?" or "But she sure can draw!" or "It doesn't stop her from keeping me running!" Drawing attention to something else about your daughter can trigger an offender to put their focus elsewhere too! Often, an offender really is just curious... they don't mean to sound rude- it just comes out that way (or the mother bear syndrome comes out and we just perceive their comments as rude) : ). Some people just talk without thinking, and once you answer politely and trigger their thought process, they realize how they must have sounded. My husband is missing an eye as a result of cancer when he was two years old. He has a prosthetic, but of course it doesn't look real, so he gets asked all the time "What happened to your eye?" and "What can you see out of it?" He is 31, so he has learned how to handle people, but it still offends him. He usually responds with humor- something like "What do you see out of your foot?" (since you obviously can't see out of a piece of plastic) and by tapping it with his finger- "What? This eye?" I also work with children with disabilities, and parents report that these kinds of reactions are pretty normal when they aren't at the center with people who know about disabilities. You can't protect her from the world, as much as you'd like to- but you can show her that you can be gracious in the face of ignorance.

Answer 2

As an optician with experience working alongside of a pediatric ophthalmologist, I often worked with and fitted small children with eye patch that goes on the glasses. First of all, she is lucky that they caught it when they did. After a certain age, the sight in the weaker eye is lost and the damage is often times irreparable without surgery of some kind.

I would give strangers, who unfortunately have NO TACT when it comes to asking about it in front of the child the short version. Her one eye is weaker than the other, so her good eye is doing all the work. By patching the stronger eye, we are forcing the weaker one to get stronger. She won't have to wear it forever...and leave it at that. Don't feel that you are obligated to going into any more detail than that. And if they press for more info, tell them that your daughter is a little self-conscious and you'd really rather not get into it.

Thankfully, USUALLY children at that age are too young to be cruel...they are just curious. The best thing that you can do is reassure her that she won't have to wear the patch forever and she will be so thankful that they did this while she is young so that when she grows up, she has both of her eyes. I believe that they make patterned patches for the glasses as well. In fact, I think I sold them when I worked in the ophthalmologist's' office.

They sometimes will prescribe drops that dilate the good eye so they can't see out of it very well. I think they would give these to children who refused the eye patch. The drops are called atropiene (a-tro-peen) I'm not sure of the spelling though. It's been a while! LOL The drops will dilate the pupil for several hours. You may want to ask your doctor if they still do that if your daughter begins to fuss about the patch.

Good luck!

Answer 3

You know first off im usually making light of most people on Yahoo Answers.. but this hits REALLY close to home.
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I know exactly what your talking about. I was that kid in school. I had that eye patch over i think it was my left eye, and I even have pictures when I had it on. I find it interesting that your four year old is able to truly comprehend what exactly is going on with having to wear it. When I was little I dont honestly remember having any issues with friends or anything of that sort when I had it on. As far as people. People always have the stupidist assumption on things and look at her and go OH MY, was she in an accident? I think what you have to say to these people is no, she just has a lazy eye. And if people get all in front of her and make it seem like its horrible, just make sure she sees you are not bothered by it. And politely tell the "ignorant" person that it merely is to make her eye stronger. You can explain this to your daughter as well,. I dont know if she will understand, but at a younger age when she grows up she will be thankful you did this then and not later. for two reasons, one being it can get worse if not taken care of and secondly unfortunately kids can get cruel when they get older. When we are that age we just look at it and go eh whatever and we play. Its kinda like at that age we dont realize we are boys and girls we just play. But anyway I digress. People are always gonna wonder and just say its to make her eye stronger, nothing more dont make it drawn out. And dont keep trying to change the type of patch. It might make the eye get unaccustomed to certain things.. all I had was a big patch covered the whole eye and was almost the color of skin, but it was quite obvious it was there. She will have to wear glasses or need contact or need lazer surgery ( im not even sure i will ever have that done) but it will make her eye better, i assure you. I wear glasses, but i know it was for the betterment of me.
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If you have any questions or thoughts, by all means message me.. its been a long time since i even thought about all that. take care and good luck.. and dont let people bother ya.. some people just dont understand.. and wanna make the worse out of alot of things.

Answer 4

Hi, I also had a lazy eye when I was younger (from 11 y/o to 13 y/o). I never wore an eye patch but was very embarrased and scared when my optometrist gave that to me as an option. (Instead I had eye surgery twice.). Although I was much older than your daughter, I am sure young or old it could be embarrassing for her. Ways to tell people would be just like like the other reviewers said: mind their own business. Or simply just ignore them, it's not nice for people to be so nosy. I hope my testimonial helped out a bit!

Answer 5

Just expain to them, if the ask that she has a lazy eye and needs to wear it to improve her eyesight. And I am sure you beautiful daughter personaily and smile would make evryone forget about it. BTW I worked at a school with a child who had a lazy eye, i was informed why he wore the patch and soon I forgot about it, he was a sweet kid. Just let her be the sweet angel you know she is with the patch on. I hope her eyesight gets alot stronger!

Answer 6

Perhaps you can let your daughter tell people how lucky she is to get have a smart doctor that cares so much for her. Or then ask them a personal question to turn it around on them, like if its a woman, ask her for her age. If it is a man, have her ask if he pees in the shower, or something less gross if your more modest. You could also have your daughter ask folks if their mother would be happy to know how bad their manners are. And then she can tell them she is sorry that they don't know any better than to act so rude.
"Does your mother know how bad your manners are? I bet she'd be very disappointed in the way you are behaving, if I asked rude questions like that, I'd get a time out!"
I think that most important thing is to try to be creative and tell people how lucky your daughter is. this way she will continue to be proud of her patch! have friends and family "envy" her eye patch, and Mom, try wearing one yourself when you are out with her. Tell people your both pirates and call them "scurvy dogs" and say "arrgh!" a lot.

Answer 7

I don't think they can hurt her health although if they are made of unnatural fibers then she is more prone to yeast infections. I worked at a middle school before I had my daughter. I was aware that many girls wore thongs (unfortunately they also wore very low-rise jeans, so it was sometimes very obvious) so your daughter is just one of many girls to do so. I think perhaps the two of you should go shopping together and while you are out to to the intimate apparel section. Likely the two of you can come to a compromise on underwear. Perhaps something a little more fun and funky than cotton briefs but not as adult as the thongs. Good luck.

Answer 8

You can try a couple different things:

If you want to make 'light" of it- let her watch some pirate movies (Peter Pan,etc.) and let her make a little pirate hat w/ cute feathers & such that she can wear in public.

Alos- when people do come & ask- just be sure to include her in the converstaion. Let your daughter explain she's makeing her other eye stronger...or whatver answer that she can easily explain. This way people aren't just talking about her- they're talking TO her. This helps make a big difference.

And, just reassure her. People are curious. And, they want to make sure she's OK, etc. Let her know that she's still beautiful & special even if she "different" for the time being.

Answer 9

I can completely understand your concern. I am a little suprised by people nowadays thinking they can walk up to others and be so snoopy. I would answer them with a proud voice just stating that "We are strenghening up that eye so she can see perfectly". I think with a proud voice your daughter will not feel ashamed because you will be reassuring her that she is completly normal. As for them wanting to know more they need to respect your privacy as well and you can simply tell them that in a polite manner. Maybe letting them know that is a little too personal. Good Luck!

Answer 10

If you think she is old enough to understand you could explain that people are curious and worried that something might be wrong with her her eye (injury) and that its really minor and just to help her see better. Making sure she feels confident enough to explain it herself instead of feeling like she needs to hide, that would be the goal.