I am probably going to become a mother to 5 any advice would be great!?

Question

Ok my ex- step sister is going to loose her 4 kids, ages 10, 8, 2 1/2, and 1 - 3 girls and the 2 1/2 year old is a boy. I know the two oldest very well they call me auntie, I don't want to separate them so we will be taking all four. The oldest is 1 year behind in school, the 8 year old in 2 years behind in school and I don't know to much about the other two. So if I do take them should I be a stay at home mom or work and send the little ones to daycare/preschool type to make sure they get skills like playing with other kids, cuz everything thing else I can teach them (colors, numbers etc) and how do I get the other girls caught up in school? A big plus is where I live the girls will be able to stay in the same elementary school.
The other child will be my 13 year old step son (whom I consider my son) who is going to move in with us in June.

Oh yeah so this means mini vans all over again LOL

Answer 1

4 kids here. ORGANIZATION and allocation. Everything has it's place and everyone's stuff has it's place, right down to their names on snack bins. Mine are 12, 11, 10 & 7 (3 are my boyfriend's, the youngest is mine). We are a blended family too! I've learned it takes a lot of patience (imagine this huge lifestyle adjustment just as puberty is setting in), you have to be open minded to the fact they may have different ways of doing things but be consistant with your rules. If bad language is an issue, simply say "I don't allow people to talk like that around me" it's non-territorial and direct. That rule can apply to anything. Be respectful and treat them as you would any other person... and have fun. Our kids ALWAYS are having fun! Laughter is a plenty here!

I assign age appropriate chores, which won't apply to the younger two or course. I assign certain days for laundry and frankly, I don't sweat the small stuff. We are pretty clean, but if a bedroom is messy we just shut the door until they clean it up. I don't ask what anyone wants for dinner, as I am not a short order cook and they happily eat whatever I make. I would avoid making the older ones diaper, feed, etc the younger ones on a regular basis. Our kids do not take care of eachother unless we are on outings. Then the older two lookout for each other & we each take one of the younger two as our assigned child (my beau came up with this brillant idea!) Sounds weird but it's very easy to loose a kid or two! Make sure you save a place (your room) and a regular date time for you for the two of you or you will fall apart! We also keep our kids very busy. We let them work out their differences and we all have excellent relationships with each other. We don't have much of a financial strain here and I can't imagine what it would be like to worry about money with 4 mouths to feed. We're not rich but we make do comfortably. I do work full-time, but I think this is only possible because the kids are older & my job is very flexible. I also hire a housekeeper, but only because I work full-time. I would avoid working if I were you. Toddlers are hard work and I would send them to age appropriate programs for a few hours a week just so you can have some time to yourself. YOU WILL NEED it.

The "other parents" also play active roles, making it easier, but regardless, I am the caretaker, cook, disciplinarian and more. How do I do it? I love it, that's how.

As for catching up, first off: get them tested. They may not be as far behind as you think. Put them in the age appropriate grade and have them take the extra-help classes offered for students who struggle with math, reading, etc. They are still young enough that they are going to be in a class of kids their age but at different learning levels. It's not like high school were some kids are in English 101, while others are in 401 regardless of age, ya know??? The school will help you with this. Summer learning programs can be fun for them too! Look into your local parks & rec department for science labs, outdoorsy stuff, classes they won't even know they are learning at! If $$$ is an issue, the social services that grants you the kids will probably help pay for it.

Good luck and I'm sure you're going to be a savior to kids who sound like they need it.

And you can get a suburban, they seat up to nine. You don't have to get a minivan. I have a Land Rover that seats 7! Works for us!

Answer 2

If you can afford to stay home, it may be a good idea as these kids need alot of love and attention right now. Maybe part time so you can devote more time to the little ones. The olders ones are going to need extra help with homework and such as they are way behind already. It's obvious that they have not had an easy life so far so showing them the love and attention that they need will take alot of your time, but well worth it. It also gives children the sense of security knowing that you will be there when they get home and whenever they need a parent. It will be a great transition for all of you and the more time you have to deal with it the better. I applaud you and your willingness to take this on. I wish you and the children the best. At least these kids have a chance now at a normal life and to be loved.

Answer 3

You are a SPECIAL PERSON who deserves all the best in life. What you are doing is a tremendous task. You need help tutoring the two oldest who are behind in school. If they are going to a public school, there are programs in place that just need you to apply for them, to tutor your neices on a one to one basis.
You have an excellent idea for pre-school for the youngest two, if you work. If you are working at this time, keep doing so and see if you can handle such a double load. If not, you may have to deceide to quit your job.
So far, I think I have not told you anything you have not thought about. But, since you will be the children's main care giver, think about speaking to your county/town/city/state social worker to see if you can be compensated both for medical insurance and financially for all necessary expenses. You may have to formally become their foster parents under state guidelines, but it will mean help to lighten your load. Also you will be able to provide speciality care and not have the worry of "Do I have enought money to afford this?"
I think you deserve a lot of credit, but help from a friend or family member would also be appreciated at this time. Don't be ashamed to ask for it. Your oldest neices can also do small tasks around the house, (empty the dishwasher, feed the dog, switch the laundry from washer to dryer, vacuum , dust, bring out the garbadge, bring in the mail, paper); all these little things help you out tremendously, so ask for them.
Most importantly, read over all the comments, together with your own thoughts, and make a list of things to do, people to call, and responsibilities each child has to do. If you are prepared before they arrive, you can start the rules immediately and then everyone knows what to expect. This is much easier than trying to institute rules many months after they arrive.
Your stepson needs chores also. Then no-one feels slighted.
I don't know where you are but I would gladly give you a few hours a week of my time and there are many others who feel the same way.
Stand Strong. Good Luck to you.

Answer 4

BLESS you for doing this -- it is a great thing that you are WILLING to help the children (and ... your step sibling) at this time.

Now .. with regard to the children falling behind in school -- you CAN Request (when you are awarded custody) that they have a Special Needs Evaluation over the summer -- so that when school starts in the fall, you can have additional services in place (hopefully) that will provide them with either classroom aides, tutors, or some services that they may need (especially if the evaluation shows some disability).

With all of these ... There are some states that have VOLUNTARY Pre-K Programs (like my home state of Florida), which all you have to do is to enroll the children ... and they will have what amounts to a few hours of pre-school too.

Being a family where you will have 5 children -- I would be well aware of the cost of Groceries, Medical Care, etc -- you know ... including their clothing and school needs. It is up to you and your spouse to make that determination at this time as to whether it is better for your family (Budget wise) to have your income added to the family's earnings in order to pay the expenses.

Other than this general information, unless you have the evaluations done for them for Special Needs .. (and get the results), nothing else can be provided at this time.

Again, when you get custody -- go immediately to the School with the Records of the children and REGISTER them and provide a FORMAL WRITTEN Letter (with your Custodial orders) requesting the Special Needs Evaluation to be done within the next 30 days. YOU can then make further decisions from that point once you have the results in your hands.

Answer 5

Wow, you are about to have your hands full for a while.

Taking in your ex-step sisters children is a great thing that you are doing and raising your stepson.

I would advise that you take some time off from work due to the fact that this situation that is about to transpire will take a lot of one on one time with each of the children, to help them in school and to adjust to a new environment. Considering that the children will be away from their mother, all the love and support of you being there for them will be important to them. With the second child being 2 years behind in school, she'll need extra help and maybe with the help she can skip one grade to atleast be 1/2 caught up in school. As for the two little children, if you decide to stay at home, putting them in a daycare or preschool will still be beneficial for them because they will need to learn how to ineract with other children. Good luck...

Answer 6

God's blessings on you. Love those little critters because it sounds like they went through allot. Talk with the school and see what ones need the most. It almost sounds like you can afford to take off of work. If that is the case stay home and take care of the 2.50 and the 1year old. they need that connection with a loving aunt and they will one day ask you if they can call you mom.

I had the same thing with two boys 8-10 and they asked me if they could call us mom and dad. I said it is fine with me but never forget you have a birth mom and a dad that passed away.

Now if money is a problem learn how-to juggle. Do your best and evaluate the situation each week and have a family meeting for chores too! Blessings+

Answer 7

wow if they are in social services and you are getting custody as a relative foster parent take full advantage of all the programs they have there are a ton of things they can offer you including programs to help the kids with school and to help you financially with daycare you can even get WIC for the children who are under 5 depending on the situation that they are coming from the children might need a lot of emotional support so you should consider staying home if it is possible if not then just try to stay on top of things and pay attention to the childrens behavior and how they interact with you and eachother sometimes kids who get taken away from there parents need counsiling and they usually need a lot of TLC from the family members they are with now and make sure that when your son moves in with you he understands the situation and that he is not left out but gets the attention he needs too

Answer 8

I think it is wonderful that you are going to undertake this new family. It is important that they are with someone they know and someone they know will love thme. I would suggest staying at home with them. While playing with other kids at daycare could be a good thing for them, I think they could benifit the most at this time from just getting one on one time with you. You can teach them all of the things they need to know and they need to know stability above all other things at this time. If they are going to daycare and coming back to you they will take while to get used to this situation and they may never feel like they have their feet on solid ground. Due to their world being tossed upside down, I think it would be best that you stay at home with them if you are able to do so.

Oh, and as far as the mini van..may I suggest the Honda Odessy..we got one when we became parents to two children overnight. We love it!

Answer 9

Wow you must be really courageous to be taking in 4 kids. I mean 5 :) Seriously, I don't have much experience in this domain but my common sense tells me you should put the youngest in daycare and go to work, but maybe you could only work part-time? So you can still spend time with your kids :)
Good luck I wish you and the kids all the best in the world and Wow again you are amazing to be doing this :)

Answer 10

All I have to say is....you are definitely going to see your blessings. I commend you for taking on such a major responsibility. I would suggest that you put the yourn ones in daycare so they can get the feel of being around other children. If you can afford to be a stay-at- home mom then by all means go for it. Good luck and God bless.