Are all "husbands" like this? My husband thinks that it is the woman's place...?

Question

My husband doesn't even like to take care of our kid's long enough for me to go to the grocery store. He say's I should do it during the day while my son is in school. I have a 7 month old daughter, so I am supposed to just take her with me. Is it so terrible that I might like to go alone? I am with my kids all the time. My daughter has not spent a night or day without me since she was born. I feel like I just need a break some...even if it is just to Publix...Am I blowing this way out of proportion? Is this the way most married folks with kid's are these days? My children are a joy to me. It's not about them, it's about the husband being considerate. He does work. He also get's the weekends off. I don't. So, what do you all think?

Answer 1

Tell him, BE A MAN and take care of your children. You didn't make them alone!!!!

Answer 2

You are not blowing this out of proportion! I think he's got it all wrong, girl. Does he think it's 1955? If my husband didn't watch the kids I would never have food in the house. It's the LEAST he could do. I would send him to Publix with the kids just once. He would come home empty handed.

I don't care how much he works outside the home. His job with his kids started when they were born and will end when is buried! When he comes home after work, and on weekends, he should help out around the house and that means watching them so you can get shopping done.

I would tell him he can either watch the kids while you go to the store, or he can take the kids grocery shopping with him every single weekend. Either way you get an hour to yourself!

I would hire a sitter before I take my kids to the grocery store, and I would hire that sitter to come to the house on Saturday, too!

Answer 3

I'm assuming that he is the primary bread winner and you are the care giver?

He probably is exhausted after work and just wants to come home and relax. As for the weekends, he will feel that he wants a little "him" time or "us" time (you and him). Since he is working during the week and weekends are his only time to do what he wants to do (hobbies, shopping, home projects). But this is no excuse for taking time to care for his kids while the wife wants to take time for herself.

I would suggest approaching him with your matters in a constructive way and tell him flatout how you feel. Don't let the pressure build up inside you where you will have a mental breakdown. Kids alone can cause that, especially as young as they are and need much physical care.

If you feel in a sense that you are being needy, you aren't. You deserve time for yourself on a weekend to go to a spa and get a massage or your hair done, pedicure or whatever you enjoy. The key to a successful marriage is love, communication and mutual respect.

When you feel you are ready to sit him down and explain your situation. I would prepare a special meal that he likes, or anything that will put him in a positive and more relaxed mindset. If he just comes home from a hard day at work and the first words out of your mouth are "we need to talk," he will most likely be more agitated than acceptable to your proposal.

I hope this helps a little bit and best of luck to you and your marriage.

Answer 4

I can totally feel your pain. It is very hard being a stay at home mother. You have a job that is never-ending. I try to get my husband to understand that when all you do all day long is have a baby attached to your leg, a five minute trip to the store by yourself is a blessing. I don't know anyone where I live so I can't even have a friend come over to talk with. He doesn't understand that he gets to leave, even if it is only to go to work. He has other adults other than his parents to talk to. I do have to say, that he really does help around the house. He cooks and cleans and helps take care of the girls when he is off. You need to have an emergency at your parents house or something one weekend, that you can't take your children too, so he will have to have them overnight by himself just so he can see how hard it is to do EVERYTHING around the house. Maybe then he will have a little more compassion for what you do day in and day out.

Answer 5

When the children are very young, they are unhappy to be away from mom, so it's really stressful for the dad. I can understand you wanting to get away, but my kids were over 2 before I could leave them to go shopping.

Get a sling for your daughter if you don't have one. You'll find shopping with her more easy.

When your hubby gets home from work and has a few minutes to unwind, go for a quick walk in the neighborhood or take a nice long shower. Get a break in a time and place where the baby can be brought to you if she's in distress.

My husband didn't feel comfortable when our babies were young, because the babies weren't comfortable. Now that the kids are older, they stay with daddy and I run errands alone all the time.

Answer 6

Some men are like that. I for one believe that the raising of the family falls mainly on the shoulders of the woman; though I was fortunate enough to have a husband who would take the kids to the park or something once in a great while. I have five. Now that taking them to the park wasn't often, because he did a lot of traveling. So the kids always mainly fell on my shoulders. Come on you can do it. You already have what it takes (you said your kids are a joy to you) and here is a secret there is no chore too steep for Ma Ma of the House. She can scale tall buildings, change a nappy in the blink of an eye. No you are not blowing it way out of proportion, yet it won't do you no good to be fighting him on it, keep yourself calm for your sake and the kids. Just think of it now when the future comes, you'll have special memories and what will he have (Oh I wish I would have spent more time with our son or I wish I would have done that). You can do it, cause deep down you enjoy being a mom and you know something when the oldest is in school the wee one goes down for a nap, unplug the phone or turn your mobile off and enjoy some tranquility while she's down.

Answer 7

When my first son was 7 weeks old I went back into hospital (with the MRSA that I had contracted in the maternity hospital). Although a neighbour and a friend helped, and both his and my mother came to stay, my husband did have to spend some time looking after the baby, and it was a shock to him. I was in for 11 nights. Some weeks later, he told me how he appreciated what I did, because he found that after looking after the baby he didn't have the energy to play with the baby the way I did. And Michael was an extremely easy-going baby--sleeping all through the night, always happy, etc.

Of course it was horrible having to leave and go to hospital, but some good happened, because I gained respect and understanding from my husband, and although he was reluctant to take them out without me until they were both out of nappies, at least if he came home from work and I said I was going for a quick bike ride, he understood that I needed it.

I think you should try to gradually open your husband's mind to the idea that the quality of your parenting will only improve if you get the occasional chance to be away from the kids. And if he spends half an hour with them without your help, he just might realise that parenting isn't as easy as it sounds, and have more respect for you.

Answer 8

Remind him that they are his children too. My husband and I had a big problem with that at first too. He would always want to sleep in and do whatever on his days off. I just told him that he has a family now and that his days off were not his own anymore. I didnt get a day off so why should he. He finally gets that now, but it did take awhile. I know it seems rediculous to have to do this, but bribe him. Offer him something he likes, whatever that may be, in exchange for an afternoon out. And when you come back, dont critisize anything he has done all day. If the babys diaper is on backwards, bite your tounge...lol. If you say anything negitive about the job he did, he will never do it again. Good luck!

Answer 9

In my personal opinion, a marriage with children should look like this: Father works all day while Mother stays with the kids. Mother should take care of what she can within reason while she has the kids. When Father gets home, he helps out with the kids and finishes any business the mother could not attended to.

Neither parent has the right to question the other about their daily schedule. The mother does not understand the rigors of the Father's job, and the Father has no flipping clue how hard it is for the mother to attend to her business while with the children.

Weekends are family time. Both parents should be together with the children and should go to the park, beach, movies, etc. Weekends are your days off from the weekly grind, but not from raising your kids.

Two weeks out of ever year, pack up the family and go somewhere. Those two weeks are your recharge period. Take the time to enjoy your children and renew your commitment to each other and to raising the children.

Many people will disagree, but like I said, this is my OPINION.

Answer 10

You are correct in believing you should have some time for yourself. Clearly, just stating this to your husband is not going to work. So......you reframe the situation to "help" him see it your way. You do your best to shop on a budget and save the family money. That means comparing prices, figuring which package is the best buy. And in this day and time when we are learning so many additives are bad for our health, you also need to be able to read ingredient labels to make sure what you are buying for your family is good for them. That is next to impossible to do with two little ones with you. The 7 yr. old asks lots of questions so you can't read all those labels and compute prices. And a 7 month old should not be exposed to all the germs in public. And you KNOW how folks are when they see a baby.....they have to oooh and ahhhh and breathe all over them. Just not healthy.
Sooooo......you give him some options:
Make a list so HE can do the shopping on the way home from work.
Hire a sitter to stay with the children while you shop in peace and quiet.
You all go together shopping so that the children are adequately and safely supervised by him while you make those healthy, economical selections.
As strange as it sounds, we teach people how to treat us by what we allow. IF you want your son to grow up to respect women and your daughter to have respect for herself as an individual, you have to set that example in your own home.
That being said, I would make a careful shopping list each week and only expect him to watch the children for a couple hours one evening a week while you do your shopping. For things like milk, fresh fruits and veggies that you may need on a more frequent basis, hubby can pick those things up on his way home from work. Again...that old budget thing.....why should you waste gas running to the store for one or two items when he is already on the road on the way home?
For what it is worth, my husband was much the same way as you when our son was small. It took time to change his ways but change he has.

Answer 11

when we decide to stay at home with our kids and our husband go to work all day, they seem to forget that we never get a "break" off our "job". i have had a few similar problems with this. talk to him and when you are asking for him to do something with the baby or kids so you can get your time remeber with all the frustration not to tell him he will just be angry that you are telling him what to do. instead suggest things. like for example "wouldnt it be nice if you and the kids did ____ while i went to the store for some stuff we need". i take my son with me everywhere and if i can get some time away i can. let him know that it is easier on you if he would do this for you at least once a week. and even though he worked all day so did you and him being the parent should take part in some of the daily chores like diaper changing or feeding if he can. good luck hope this helps.