How do I get my son to calm down enough to go to sleep? He's 3 and I've tried EVERYTHING I can think of! Help!

Question

He wants his light left on, which is fine with me until he goes to sleep, but he has such a hard time calming down enough to go to sleep. We have a pretty consistent routine (because he is a ROUTINE kind of kid) but he has a fit when I leave the room. I work full-time, so he doesn't see me very much and my husband is gone working 5 days a week, so I'm sure that is part of it. Does anyone have any ideas? He throws his books at the door and kicks it! This may sound terrible, but since I am home alone with the two kids most of the time, we have his lock on the outside of his door so he can't get out during this time. (I unlock once he is asleep of course so he can get out in the morning). He is a very entergetic child and has a hard time communicating (he works with a speech therapist) and gets frustrated very easily. I am at my wits end, here. Any POSITIVE feedback would be very much appreciated. Thanks in advance :)

Oh - and this is at bedtime, not at naptime. I've talked to daycare about "cutting out" his nap, but he causes a lot of trouble when the smaller kids are sleeping unless it's nice enough for him to be outside! :)

Thanks everyone for all of your help! I really appreciate it :-). I'm definitely adding a few of these suggestions!
You're great!

Answer 1

Try a reward chart. We made a list for our 5 year old twin boys of things these have to do each night before bed (brush their teeth, put on pajamas, get a drink of water, use the potty, read a story, put their sticker on the chart, etc.) They get to put a sticker up if they complete the list. We also wrote on the list that they may play in bed quietly with a toy but no talking loudly or yelling, just looking at book or playing their leapsters. If they get out of bed or get rowdy they get one warning. If they misbehave and don't follow the directions a second time they lose their sticker for the night. At the beginning of the week we let them choose what reward they would like to do on the weekend if they get all their stickers for the week. So far we have gone to the movies, the mall's play area (free!), the playground, etc. They really enjoy spending the extra time with mom and dad and they work very hard to earn and keep those stickers! This weekend they chose going to the park and having a picnic. They are really looking forward to it. Bedtime used to be a nightmare for the family!! My husband would get so frustrated with them and bedtime would take hours with them getting up over and over. We have been doing this for about 3 months now and bedtime is a breeze! All we have to say to them is "time to do your list" and they jump up and go "read" it. (I drew simple pictures next to each list item to show what it says since they can't read yet.) They have most of it memorized but still love to go item by item in the right order. Amazingly this has worked from the beginning, you just have to be consistent with it and follow through with the warning if it becomes necessary. Hope this helps, it sure did for us!

Answer 2

My 2.75 year old can get that way too...especially when it involves the lights. Kicking the door, throwing toys, screaming is what she sometimes does. And yes, I too have a lock outside the door or she will open it and stay up all night (I know this because I have tried keeping it unlocked and she will get out and stay up!)

For the lights...we gave up and let her sleep with the lights on. All night. It is annoying to us...but we found it is easier then her screaming once the lights go off. We once had a power outtage at 4am and she woke up to the lights going off and completely freaked out and started yelling "mommy mean!" (thinking I did it)...so I know it is a real fear!

The other thing is I notice my DD only does the temper tantrum thing when she is either exhausted beyond reason, not tired enough, or the first night that DH is home (DH traveles 5 days a week so she get excited to see him)...the other reason is when she comes in contact with a food she is allergic to...but that is a whole other story.

What to do? I found the best thing is to ignore the tantrum. If my DD gets beyond hystarical I will go in and hug her and tell her that mommy is here and just downstairs and it is bedtime and she sometimes calms down. But I only do that when she is hystarical. Ever since doing this...she has seemed to not have as many nights like that.

Also, we have an iPod that hooks up to a Hello Kitty speaker pillow and I sometimes play soothing music. That helps too (till they figure out how to open it and get out the iPod...lol).

Hope that helps!

Answer 3

hi there, i have an autistic child and i don't think you need to go worrying about that just yet. by 18 months i would expect a child to understand simple directions, as opposed to just yes and no. but just because he isn't doing what your asking doesn't mean he isn't understanding what your saying. my youngest is 18months at the moment and is having all sorts of tantrums, and my son used to head bang when he didn't get his own way and he is perfectly fine now. i would be looking more into getting your sons hearing checked out just to make sure that isn't why he is having the communication difficulties. i would however get a second opinion from a specialist, if you feel something is wrong then it is going to make you more stressed and your child will pick up on this. even if they do all the tests and everything is fine, it will at least put your mind at ease. does your son make eye contact while you play with him on the floor with his toys, and does he seem to join in, and look interseted. if yes then i wouldnt jump to conclusions of autism. try putting him on the floor in the middle of the room when he has these tantrums and make sure there is nothing he can hurt himself on and let him cry it out, then when he calms down reward him with something to take his mind off it all. it seems like you are trying this already, so maybe persistance is the key. if not maybe try picking him up and taking him outside, showing him the birds/cars/trees, etc. i really dont know what else to offer. i know this is long but i hope you find some thing that wrks. good luck :)

Answer 4

So I think from your additional information, you are saying he does still nap? If that is the case, the nap HAS to go. He's getting to the age where most kids give them up anyways. And if nothing else, he will be more tired at bedtime and won't have the energy to fight you as long.

With that said, once the naps are out, have you tried using PECS to help him transition to bedtime? My son has a speech delay as well. We use pictures of our bedtime ritual, so my son knows exactly what to expect, what comes next. We literally have a string of pictures - one of someone brushing their teeth, then washign their face, then climbing into bed, then a picture of someone sleeping. This helped tremendously. That and about an hour before bedtime, try to keep him calm and relaxed. GIve him a warm bath, even put on a video. Anything that will keep him calm and relaxed for the most part. This works well with my son as well.

I hope this helps, good luck!!

Answer 5

About 3hrs before bed start preparing for bed No t.v play games that will tie hem then 1 hr before bed give him a bath make it as warm as he can stand it ( My 3 yr old takes a shower) The steam from the water will relax. Use lavender oil. Its claming Johnson & Johnson makes a bath soap that contains this for a bath. If you use the pure oil make sure you use a small amountThen give him warm chamomile tea with mild NO SUGAR, try with splenda. While you are making the tea ask him to get his night time books. These are books that you can read with out a lot of excited feelings. Try books about bed and quiet things. Then you read the book together drink the tea and then bush his teeth stuff you do before putting him to bed. Then when its time to go to bed say your good night then put him in bed tell him in a whisper to stay then put him in again when he get up just saying in a whisper to go to bed then after the 3rd time say nothing but put him back in the be. And keep doing that till he is asleep but saying noting. (This will take time and A LOT of patience on your part). The reason that he is having a hard time is
1.he isn’t getting enough rest.
2. he is to stimulated.( cut any caffeine and most sugars.)
3.He needs mommy time.


This isn’t going to happen over night it will take about a week or two as long as you follow it and who ever else puts him to be goes the same way.

Good luck!!

Answer 6

I feel for you. I have a 17 year old who was very similar as a small child. When he was little he had tantrums (kicking, screaming ..) I was a single parent.

Try feeding him very nutritious, low sugar, natural foods (sugar and dyes encourage hyperactivity in young kids) Make your home a calm, peaceful, nurturing environment. Speak quietly, give lots of hugs. Encourage rather than punish.

I found that when my boy was acting out it was because he was feeling afraid or insecure and needed love and reassurance.

At his age he can't articulate his feelings and he has not been desensitized to the world yet

Try giving him a warm bath before bedtime, Sing lullaby's or tell him stories with happy endings. You could tell him that for every night that he goes to bed nicely, he will wake up with a coupon under his pillow for whatever (something he wants)

By the time my son was 10 he was a wonderful kid and he has just gotten better over time.

Good Luck

Answer 7

My almost three year had a problem with going to sleep and we put him on a routine like you, but he caught on with in two weeks. I then added book time at night where he gets to pick out three books I read to him. and when he is good we buy him new books. I also bought a pillow because I work like you do and my boyfriend travels about three week out of the month. back on track, I bought the pillow and put a picture of us in it so he would feel like we where there. I got my pillow at the local hobby lobby. He loves it. We play classic music for him while he sleep, studies say it not only clams a child but increase the rate of brain active.
" An in-depth Harvard University study found evidence that spatial-temporal reasoning improves when children learn to make music, and this kind of reasoning improves temporarily when adults listen to certain kinds of music, including Mozart. The finding suggests that music and spatial reasoning are related psychologically (i.e., they may rely on some of the same underlying skills) and perhaps neurologically as well. A relationship between music and the strengthening of math, dance, reading, creative thinking and visual arts skills was also cited. (Winner, Hetland,Sanni, as reported in The Arts and Academic Achievement - What the Evidence Shows, 2000) " Good Luck hope you find a solution!

Answer 8

have you looked into hyperactivity or bi-polar diseases?

just a thought.

you should cut out any sweets/colas, snacks, and playing rough (letting him run around etc) about 2 hours before bed.

Feed him enough because an empty stomach can be part of the problem.

Do you give him enough time at night, like giving him a bath and then reading him a story before bed (with the tv off. Then just sit with him, rock him, talk with him about daily things like trees, clouds, how tall daddy is, etc.

You will start to realize that he can settle down before bed. Then sit with him while you tuck him in and continue the talk for a few minutes.

Asking him if he is comforatable (don't ask him if he needs a drink of water etc or he will catch on real quick for water)

And give him a goal that if he stays in bed and goes to sleep really quick you will come in and wake him in the morning. Nothing too exciting cause he will think of it and get too excited.

good luck

Answer 9

This may sound silly but... IS HE TIRED? because remember, you can't force someone to sleep.

I think it's time to try some SuperNanny tactics. do your routine, then place him in bed, if he gets up, don't talk to him, just walk him back to the bed, do it over and over again. Make sure you're feeling upto it on the night you start because you could very well be doing it for an hour, but it works in the long run.

Answer 10

bathe him in lavendar and chamomille. it has a calming affect. Aveeno makes it

Also give him a glass of warm milk. That too will put him to sleep. If all else fails give him a 1/2 cup of nightquil (just kidding )