How to handle a difficult custodial parent?

Question

My boyfriend has a 4 year old son with a women he never had a relationship with. (she also as a another child different father) My boyfriend is fully involved in his sons life from the moment he found out about him. He pays all the child support on time, has his son over nights wednesdays and over nights every other weekend. She continually complains about everything, no matter what my boyfriend does she finds something to call him and yell at him about. It is affecting our relationship and I told my boyfriend to tell her to stop calling, but he said he can't do that. Although my boyfriend sees his son every other weekend she still complains that it is enough. He picks his son up, drops him off and she doesn't put forth any effort. She doesn't understand alot of things b\c she came from a family where it was the norm to have multiple kids with mulitple fathers. Does anyone have any advice??

Answer 1

I think for you that you are going to back out of the situation. It seems that it is something that he is willing to deal with to be a part of his son's life.
It may be bothering you more than bothering him.
Just tell him to handle it the best way that he can, and no disrespect but leave you out of it. If he doesn't tell you the ridiculous situations then you won't be as mad about it.
Just commend him on being a good father, and encourage him that things will hopefully get better in the future.

Answer 2

You're boyfriend sounds top notch and that's hard to find.
The ex is the ignorant one. So the question becomes are you gonna let her keep you from a good thing.
It's impossibly frustrating to deal with ignorance. I know exactly the type of person you're talking about. But she probably feeds off any bad feelings she senses. Your boyfriend will eventually have enough of her. But I would stay out of it and let him handle it. You seem like a class act. I think you could really have a positive impact on that little boy by modeling a better example than he has at home.

Next time she calls, take a deep breath let it go on and then crack a joke about it with your man and move on.

Don't spend more than 5 seconds on this bimbo she's not worth your time.

Answer 3

She's the one with the problem and it sounds like you recognize that. They never had a relationship to begin with and the only thing that binds them now is the child. She has no reason to call unless it's regarding something wrong with his son since he's paying child support and abiding by all of his visitation and custody agreement. Don't answer the phone when she calls...if you don't have voice mail, then get an answering machine and let her leave a messege. When the child is there and she calls, let his son answer the phone to talk to mommy....he's old enough to do that and will enjoy getting that privalege! As far as your bf being the one to always pick him up and drop him off, you're going to have to refer to the vistation agreement...it should be specific...if it says she is to drop him off or pick him up and she's not doing it, then he needs to contact the court clerk about this because that would put her in contempt of her part of the visitation agreement. On the other hand, if it says he is to both drop him off and pick him up, then that's what he'll have to continue to do unless he wants to go back to court to have it changed! Just try to be understanding of his situation!

Answer 4

Unless she is harassing him, there's not too much that can be done. She is the mother of his son. Like it or not, he chose her. If he didn't want to have children with her, then there are ways to prevent it. If those methods fail, then you still have to suffer the consequences of his actions, since abstinence is the only 100% way to avoid having kids. Just focus on the positive and ignore the negative. You don't need to be involved with her, but he does. She is going to be a thorn in your behind for a long time to come. All you can do is accept this as a part of his life or move on to someone without kids. He can't make her stop. he can ask her, but ultimately she is control of herself, and I'm sure she doesn't care if it ruins his relationship or not. You have to decide if he is worth the trouble or not.

Answer 5

That's his child's mother which means he has to deal with her for the rest of his life. I think she's jealous of the two of you so she finds things to nick pick about also she complains a lot to get the attention off of you and onto her it had nothing to do with the child at all she's just jealous that's all. I think you should come to an understanding with him and leave it be, that's all you can really do. Its hard i know it is but if you gonna be with him you have to deal with the constant madness and if you cant handle it I'm sure he'll understand.

Answer 6

You don't have to talk to her unless she can be civil. Get caller ID and don't answer her calls. Call her back on your terms and hang up if she can't behave. You could also offer to take her to dinner, then sit her down and tell her that her behavior is unacceptable and you want to try and work together to do what's best for your son. Keep it positive. Be the ADULT.

In the end, as a genetic father, you have rights in the legal system. If she can't clean up her act, explain to her that you will be going to court to fix the situation.... Be prepared to follow up on that with action.

Answer 7

let the machine pick up her calls, and he can call her back. She's adversarial, and she's jealous. I am guessing that it makes her feel better to cut him down so she doesn't have to face the fact that she's not good enough for him. And if she's a one night stand kind of girl, then she's got self esteem issues too.

Be nice. Document everything. If he lets the voicemail get it, than you can save them in case there are any issues with custody.

Answer 8

Hats off to him for trying and being there.
Its such a shame that the mother doesn't recognize this.

Try to be supportive and just listen to him...be there.
However I would distant myself from getting involved with making comments about her or telling him how you feel unless of course he asks for it....then I would limit it too. Because no matter what he is the father and he is trying his best to do all that he can.

Be there for him and his little boy....just distant yourself from her and getting involved that way.

best wishes....your boyfriend sounds like a winner for stepping up and being there....knowing how many dead beat dads there are......Tell him this....instead.

Best wishes

Answer 9

I had the exact same problem with my ex My wife and I have found Jesus and know he is our savior. Once we trusted Jesus to guide us things started going a little smoother. Pray for his ex that she'll see what's happing. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 10

He's doing everything right. The woman has a problem I hope doesn't effect the child.