How hard can it be?

Question

Ok, so I have really hard trouble verbally expressing myself to anyone, especially my boyfriend. I've never said the words "i love you" verbally to him (but I want to) because I grew up hating love until I found him. He tells me how he feels verbally and It makes me happy and fall in love with him more, but I just upset at myself that I cant return the same thing.

But what I do is write him email and letters or leave long messages on his AIM telling him how I feel because it is the only place I can really express myself without being speechless or tongue twisted or afraid. Do you think its wrong of me to only express myself through written words then spoken?

I've tried to tell him how i feel verbally, but it doesn't come out and I stuck there in silence. If it matters in any way, we've been together for 1yr+

But at times, I feel like I'm being desperate whenever I leave him letters or messages over internet expressing my worries/thoughts/love/feelings/doubts/anything. anyone else?

I'm not a little kid, so its not like I write little love poems and letters saying "do you love me, circle Y or N"

I'm just not used to opening up verbally, since I've never done it growing up. Even on my past boyfriends, I've never opened up either, and I think I wrote them like max of 2 letters because I didnt love them like I love my boyfriend now. I write my boyfriend so much letters/emails/whatever.. and i'm starting to feel like its wrong in a way.

And to randyken's request... I'm actually a Scorpio

Answer 1

you feel desperate because thats yr mind convincing your heart what your doing is wrong = because you feel uncomfortable expressing emotions i.e. love.

i had similar issues in the beginning of my relationship but my partner kept insisiting that i work on "being comfortable". at first i would leave letters, and then i would say i love you in the dark where he couldnt see me cringe due to being uncomfortable. then gradually he forced me to say it with the light on, but not looking at him... etc etc.. you get the picture.

i still dont say i love you on a daily basis, but i do make sure i tell him i do because life is too short for pride [because essentially thats what it boils down to].

most times i tell him i love him and then squirm under his armpit [and im a grown woman] but we laugh about it.

the best reward is pushing yourself to do something you feel uncomfortable doing. your not given a personality, you make one hence the easiness of making yourself more expressive.

try to think "what is the worst thing that can happen". tell him to help you by looking at each other and telling him i love you continously until you dont feel that shell shocked ... everytime it will get easier...

youll be right, just practice - even if it is just saying it outloud in front of a mirror when you are alone to gain the confidence....

Answer 2

nah dont worry ...its fine.....just tell him exactly what you've written on here 'so I have really hard trouble verbally expressing myself to anyone, especially my boyfriend. I've never said the words "i love you" verbally to him (but I want to) because I grew up hating love until I found him. He tells me how he feels verbally and It makes me happy and fall in love with him more, but I just upset at myself that I cant return the same thing.'

but obviously addressing it to him,.you'll be able to tell him verbally soon enough =) and im sure he prob already knows =)

Answer 3

oh dear u better say it soon..its hard but it will be easy once u say it... once said always said... he knows u have same feelings for him ...dont hurt him coz he seems to love u..its no fair to hurt him when he is being so open.. u will make him feel insecure n not so sure about him if u dont express it verbally..trust me verbal expression means a lot than messages even if he knows u love him.. it gives whole new meaning to ur relationship by making it official

Answer 4

Well not me but my fiance is just like you! But here is the deal there are many other ways of saying I love you without actually saying it. & really actions always speak louder than words ever did!! I know my man loves me by all the small things he does! Your doing a great job, your I love you will all come in time, dont push it. Its better how you have it now anyways!

Answer 5

No. It's not bad, but for a relationship to grow, both people have to be willing to expand themselves, and it sounds like you're having a hard time with this. Know you want to, but don't put a time frame on it. Just try to express a little more each time you talk to him, and it'll all come out like you hope.

BTW, are you an Aquarius?

Answer 6

It's fine that you write it. That's how you are comfortable. He probably would like to hear it. Give yourself some time, eventually it will come out. You may've grew up like that, but don't you now want to be the one to make it different since inside you know you were supposed to grow up with love and words of love all around you? Good luck to you!!

Answer 7

I was the same way. My and my ex were together for 2 years before I actually TOLD him how I feel. You are just nervous. And I can tell you with 101% certainty he reads them all the time and smiles. You just have to become more relaxed and comfortable. And I think you are scared of getting your heart broken.

Answer 8

nothing wrong with that, im the same way , i cant express myself in person i much rather deal with a serious matter over aim. he should understand since ubeen together so long, and expessing urself in any way is all the samebecause its still coming from u, just in a way that ur more comfortable with

Answer 9

I am sure that he knows that you are doing what you can, and if you have been together a year, feel safe in saying that nonverbal channels are doing fine, and most human communication takes place by look, touch, and gesture anyway.
Get 1 on 1 counselling to help you.

Answer 10

Thing of the olden days, they didnt have internet, txt messeging, email, cell phones etc. Just talk to him, if you live with him, talk to him while you lay in bed with him, If you have the love in you, you should have confidence to let it out on him. Never be afraid to open up to your spouse, thats not good in a relationship, yuou should be able to tell him anything.