Lately I have been dealing with a lot of stress and depression. My friend is one of my issues, without meaning to be.
I'm trying to figure out how to be supportive to my best friend. She has been making bad decisions. I have helped her out a LOT. However, after 5 years, I've had to back off quite a bit so she is unable to rely on me. I need space.
I know I cannot change my friend. I'm trying to find ways to accept her bad decisions and how I can be more supportive when I disagree with her decisions. Do you have any suggestions?
2007-04-19 05:22:18 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
In simple terms, "The truth will set you free."
"You can guide a thirsty horse to water, but you cannot make him drink it."
The best thing for you to do is tell her about herself. Tell her how you feel about the things she do. Make sure you are specific, so then she can't deny hearing what you said.
If she just continues to make bad decisions, then just let her do what she does. Because once you have made everything clear, then she cannot expect you to support her if she steps out of line.
Also, if she refuses to listen, then just don't worry about her. The least you will know is that you tried. If she ends up in a bad situation overall, then you shouldn't feel guilty by any means, because you did try. She will not be able to use "ignorance" as an excuse.
It isn't easy to help someone when you are against what they do. Even if they know they are wrong, they will often get mad at you and take it as you are criticizing them. But once they have heard it, then they have to think about it, even if they do get mad at you. A lot of people know the truth, but they want to hide from the truth.
Tell her about herself, and just see how she reacts. If she does not want to listen or adhere to anything you say, then don't worry about her, because she isn't a friend that you need. And just to be honest, she may do the things she do, just to get attention from you. The more you cater to her, the more she will take you for granted and continue to use you in whatever way possible.
Make her learn a lesson. "Some friends are for a day, some friends are for a season, and some friends are for a lifetime." Friendship = Trust
"A wise man learns from other people's mistakes, a smart man learns from his own mistakes, and a stupid man never learns"
2007-04-19 05:38:28 · answer #1 · answered by As Real as it Gets 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One thing is do not take personal responsibility for her decisions. People are free to choose and even though we know it may be a bad decision, it is still their choice. You can only control yourself (your reactions and choices). No sense in getting upset or frustrated over something you cannot control. Acceptance does not mean approval. It just means that you understand the way she is and accept that. Think of the Serenity Prayer... It's pretty much on target with all situations. Remember all the positive reasons you are her friend and practice patience. It's not always easy to deal with or understand, but put yourself in her shoes. You certainly don't want a friend to pull away from you because you have made bad choices. What would you want your best friend to do if you were doing these things? How you are reacting is your choice...
Good luck!
2007-04-19 05:42:16 · answer #2 · answered by The Gentle Lynx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We can try and try to help others, but there is a time when we just have to let them go. They are going to do their own thing anyway, so why should we be so obsessed with trying to help? I don't mean end the friendship, but try not to get involved in their problems. It is too stressful. Listen, but let their issues go in one ear and out the other. At some point you will need to level with her about the fact that you care but cannot make choices for her. Good luck.
2007-04-19 05:31:53 · answer #3 · answered by Jan C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never support a person when they've done what you think is wrong that would be compromising your beliefs. i'm not aying push your idead and bleiefs onto them but let them know when they make poor decisions they have to live with them....if they keep making them then you have to wonder why you'd be friends with someone who consistantly makes bad decisions in thier life.....it could be just for attention
2007-04-19 05:40:09 · answer #4 · answered by cal_gal_81 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋