theres this guy that i'm seeing- we never got into a relationship (yet) because we both just got out of a bad one (i guess we're both each others rebounds) but we became friends with benefits. and now he thinks that i only like him for that--and says that it's only lust. (not love)...and he wants to slow down this "friendship" by taking the "benefits" part out--so we can get to know each other better (and that will show if i actually love him, and not just lust him)
but the thing is....its not easy to go from being friends with benefits, to only friends. cause if you get the benefits part taken away from you, it will put a gap in your friendship, cause you were so use to only doing just that. i guess it means i only lust him, right?
how would you deal with this kind of situation??? when your feelings are lost.
2007-04-19 05:03:15 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I always get out of bad situations. They're not worth the heartache or the hassle.
2007-04-19 05:08:13 · answer #1 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Firstly, I think you should appreciate the fact this is a guy (yes a guy!) who is actually thinking about your relationship in bigger terms than just bedroom action. That's a rare thing for us... Clearly he cares for you enough that he doesn't want the relationship to go bad and is possibly thinking slightly longer term. He likes you a lot more than for sex basically.
If you're not prepared to sacrifice the "benefits" for now until you both know whether there's more to your friendship, then obviously it's just lust on your part and if that's not how he sees his feelings for you, it's going to end in tears anyway.
It's tough but given your positions, either way it sounds like it might be a good idea to cool things for a while to avoid any hurt.
Good luck.
2007-04-19 05:17:48 · answer #2 · answered by Cagey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any straight guy with a milligram of testosterone in his blood would never dream of taking the benefits part out. But agree with him (he doesn't expect you to). The prospect of you being with other men will make him chase you and you will see your benefits return in full force. I'm definitely with Jared on this one; there are alpha males and beta males. Beta males don't really have a sex drive and get into relationships only due to societal constructs. In fact, 1 in 5 American males have varicocele, a condition that essentially extinguishes sex drive. Pursuing something you don't want to begin with is never a smooth path. This guy is probably great; I'm sure you wouldn't be spending time with him if he wasn't. But if you do decide down the line that you would like to add more men to your portfolio you need only follow my simple plan:
My Advice to Women on Attracting Men
First of all, if you are a woman, you are in a power position, and attracting the man you desire will be easy. If you are a bookworm, target the academic sort of man. If you like to be dominated, go after athletes. If you are cash-flow conscious, pursue men whose non-sexual interests seems to align with your own. When you have commonality coming out of the gate your prospects for success are bright. There are some roadblocks, however, that can disqualify you and methods of generating attraction, including:
1. Get in Shape.
2. Get Your Look Together (makeup, clothes, etc.)
3. Have good posture.
4. Spend a lot of time with your friends and family.
5. Have two or more activities/goals in life (school, work, internships, university clubs, meetup.com clubs, ballet, piano, track, anything) that you regularly take strides toward each week.
6. Get within 6 feet of the man you are targeting; you may even use eye contact as part of a more aggressive strategy.
7. If he is a real man, he will take care of the rest.
8. This is kind of funny, but don’t have a deep voice; a girly voice, even if it’s a little on a raspy side, is a big turn on for guys. No Barry White stuff here.
I don’t mean to talk to anybody like they’re dumb here; it’s just that common sense eludes even the best and brightest among us. You can always email me if you have further questions. I have to post this a lot because I understand that people don't have time to rifle through the scores of Q&A that came before them when they have a question.
Cheers,
Mack
2007-04-19 05:30:15 · answer #3 · answered by Mack 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oy... red flags. Friends with benefits leads to heartache down the road. Please either take the whole package, or don't take it at all. You're going to be hurt if you keep screwing him and he wants nothing more from you. What happens when he finds a girl he wants to date? You're going to feel awful :( Be upfront with him and tell him how you feel! It's not fair for you to be degraded like that... you're basically a sex toy right now. If he's a decent guy, he'd be understanding and either commit to a relationship with you or not use you at all. Good luck! Respect yourself, girl. You're worth more than just sex... guaranteed.
2016-04-01 08:49:05 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all that won't last very long if he truly loves you. I would try it for a couple of weeks and see how it goes. It could be one of 2 things. Either he is sincere and wants to find out if you love him for who he is or he wants to slowly let you down and get out of the situation. If he is sincere then count your lucky stars. He is a great guy. Good Luck.
2007-04-19 05:11:48 · answer #5 · answered by Jodi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
...lust and love are different emotions and feelings darling. I fall in lust everyday. This guy wants to slow down with you hun...and he's being honest about it here too. Slow down with him babe...or move on up the road to somebody new. He's falling for you silly...and it scares the beegeezez out of him honestly!
2007-04-19 05:10:10 · answer #6 · answered by scott s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this guy must be a closet homo to turn down FWB. Just tell him things were fine before and you want it to go back to being that way. Im a guy and this situation sounds totally reversed. wow, what a loser. Something wrong with this guy, who wants the cow when you can get the milk for free.
2007-04-19 05:11:44 · answer #7 · answered by Scotty_J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What guy in there right mind says that you should take away the sex, most would say keep the sex get rid of the friendship we dont even have to talk just screw.
2007-04-19 05:08:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try it and if the feelings go away then you will know that it was just lust.
The "friends with benefits" has always been so confusing to me.
Answer this, if you will (not judging, merely curious), how do you take the "feelings and emotions out of the sex".? ...thanks
2007-04-19 05:09:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him that it is lust so you can continue to get the benefits.
2007-04-19 05:11:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋