he gets to see the mother of the baby frequently..they were together before he and i but he didi not tell me this with fear of me not going out with him.... i realy like him but another part of me says i deserve better...
help
2007-04-19 02:06:06 · 18 answers · asked by teddybear 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Are you upset that he has the baby (and the baby's mom) or are you upset that he didn't tell you upfront? I personally would be upset that he didn't tell me upfront and chose to keep it from me. Even if he didn't think you'd date him, that was your choice to make. He had no right to rob you of the choice of whether or not you wanted to deal with a man who had a new baby and a recent ex - did you even know about the ex? How long have you two been bf/gf, it oviously has to be recent right? Wow, I don't know what I'd do in that situation. I guess if you are already in love with him you can try to work it out. But if you just "like" him and it's not love yet, you have time to choose whether or not this is somehting you want in your life. And trust me when I say BE VERY CERTAIN you can handle this. It's not as simple as "he sees the child once every two weeks". I've recently gone through a lot behind my fiance's ex trying to use the kids to get him back. It took a toll on our relationship (as she obviously meant for it to do) but I simply told him - and her - that "I'm here to stay and I'm not going anywhere". I told her that if we break up it will be because of a decision he and I made and not something she did. Anyway, it's a lot of drama, so just be sure you are up for it because a baby has a way of changing things. Be certain he doesn't still have feelings for her or you may find yourself high and dry if he leaves you and goes back to her. Be careful and take care of YOU because no one else is going to. Good luck.
2007-04-19 02:21:53 · answer #1 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, that would mean that 12 months ago, he was with this other woman, right? So, were you seeing him 12 months ago, that's the operative question here? If you guys were involved--and I mean more than friends--then he cheated on you, and I'd dump him. However, if you guys didn't even know each other, or weren't seriously involved at that point, then you have to realize he had a life prior to knowing you. Just because he had a relationship with someone else before knowing you doesn't take anything away from what he feels for you now. And no one tells EVERYTHING about themselves when they first start dating, I'm sure there's a few secrets in your past you kept from him as well, right?
Honestly, I wouldn't do anything at this point, it's not like you guys are planning marriage any time soon, right? Let the relationship go where it will. It sounds like he's a good father, if he's spending time with his baby (who will be with the mother for now), so that right there tells me he's a better man than alot of men out there. Yes, being involved with someone who is a parent has its challenges, but there are usually great blessings that come from it. I'd say give him a chance. Good luck!
2007-04-19 02:13:28 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Telling someone about your children is a big and scary thing to do. What if she doesn't want to date someone with kids, will she think less of me for having kids, could she think I just run away when I found out my ex partner was pregnant, etc. Peoples opinions are extreme on these issue as you can see by some of the other posts. It is possible he has other secrets but I doubt they are worse than anyone else.
It depends on how long you two have been dating. If you've only been dating a short while I fail to see the problem. Does him having kids make him a different person? No. Was the fact he didn't have kids a reason you dated him? probably no. On the other hand if you had been dating for a while then you would have concern over why he was seeing his ex partner with out your knowledge and why wouldn't he want you to know.
Letting you into this area of his life shows that he trusts you wont run away and that he feels close to you. Your next step really is on how you feel about the situation.
2007-04-19 02:25:52 · answer #3 · answered by clint_slicker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to explain to him that you are very upset at the fact that he would hide a precious baby from you. It's not the baby's fault that he has to lie to you. You deserve better. I would be very upset too. Not at the fact that he has a beautiful baby, but at the fact why would any father hide such a joy. He must be ashamed. If you do decide to leave this man alone, let him know its not because of the fact that he has a baby but because he lied to you about it. How would you feel if you two had a baby together and split up and then come to find out that he is hiding your precious baby from women so that he can just get a date out of it? I would be pissed. A parent should never hide such a joy. He should have been excited to tell you.
2007-04-19 02:15:47 · answer #4 · answered by who knows 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did you find out? Did he finally tell you? Sometimes we all do not reveal everything about ourselves when first meeting someone and dating, but I feel not telling you something so important as his own child is not a good sign. He might be just young and still immature but I would question his character for holding back such important information. You did not give too much detail so I could not answer your question as well as I wanted to . If him having a child makes you feel resentful and that you deserve better, best you look for someone else. For if you ever think of a future with this guy you have to know that accepting his child will have to be choice you will be ready to make. Best of luck to you!
2007-04-19 02:21:28 · answer #5 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he should have trusted you enough to confide in you, but as you say, he was probably afraid, and didn't know how to handle the situation.
If you have feelings for the guy you should give your relationship a chance, but first talk to him about how this whole situation makes you feel, and let him know that if things were to continue between the two of you that he will have to be completely honest with you.
I hope everything works out for you.
2007-04-19 02:39:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, if he'll keep that from you what else will he not disclose. I think you do deserve better. When did he start seeing you? Sweetheart, move on......if he didn't stick with the momma of the baby (baby is 3 months old, what did he do abandon her while she was pregnant?) through pregnancy I doubt he will have any reluctance steppin out on the next girl...... Good luck and YOU DO DESERVE BETTER!
2007-04-19 02:17:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
His was not a lie per se, but rather a sin of omission. The thing is, this was too important an issue for him not to divulge it to you very early on. Like no later than your second or third date.
Think about it: what else will he omit telling you in the future for fear it will upset you?
2007-04-19 02:28:50 · answer #8 · answered by kcbranaghsgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how long were you together before you found out? If it was more then a day then you should get rid of him. If he cant be straight up and honest with you now what will happen down the road
2007-04-19 02:09:47 · answer #9 · answered by D R 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So, he wasn't honest with you because he wanted you to go out with him? Lady, you are in for some interesting times. What else might he hide from you?
Get away now. You don't need this kind of grief.
2007-04-19 02:10:26 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋