i am 29 years old, i know this elderly man who is 80 for 1 year, he is a kind and loving person, he has no children, a widower, his other family members never visit. I was the only friend he has, 4 weeks ago he fell in his house, i started doing shopping for him, taking him to hospital, but now he expect me to do this all the time, like today i went out with my friends after dinner, he was very upset that i didn't shop for him, he called me and said he is very sad that 'old people get forgotten by others', i feel guilty but i also know its not my responsiblity to look after him, i asked him if he have any plan for his future, he has none, but he will never go to nursing home, or asisstant living, or meals on wheals as he doesn't trust any strangers! so what should i do? i have my life to live but i can't discard him
2007-04-19 00:51:22 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Ive been a nurse for twenty years, and Ive worked in nursing homes. It breaks my heart. Doing what you have already done for him, makes you a great person, Older people are afraid of giving up their independence, their homes, everything, and it makes it alot tougher when they don't have family. You are young and you do have a life, but this old man trusts you like you are family, so he is making you feel guilty cause he is afraid of losing you. My advise is to tell him, you need to have a life outside of work, and him, and that you genuinely care and want to make sure that he is taking care of. And maybe ask if you two can sit down together and maybe find a nursing aide or someone to come and stay with him, and reassure him, you will still do for him, but make sure you tell him, that your life and needs to be met as well
2007-04-19 01:07:16 · answer #1 · answered by rachie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know how you are feeling. I would feel trapped like that too. Unfortunately he has you feeling guilty and is placing a guilt trip on you as well. Explain to him that you want to help care for him but that you have a life as well outside of this.
You are right, hard as it may seem he is not your responsibility. You are not discarding him if you get him some assistance. He will have to learn to trust strangers like it or not. Let him know you will be there still but the best thing you can do is get him some help like assistant living, even if he doesnt like it. He is old and lonely that is sad.
I gather he doesnt pay you.
2007-04-19 00:59:01 · answer #2 · answered by chiara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What your are doing is wonderful, don't become a victim--elderly people have a real smack for 'do it now'. I had an elderly aunt that I looked after for years--she would call me at work and say--I need my lawn mowed today. By the time I got off of work and loaded all the junk and got there she already hired a neighbor kid. I have worked many years now thru Hospice, taking care of people that are dying. Your friend seems to be healthy but you could contact social services and tell them he needs help, he will learn to take the help. Do not let guilt overwhelm you--you are a wonderful friend to him and have gone over and above.
2007-04-19 03:27:44 · answer #3 · answered by lilabner 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it was nice of you to help him but, i understand how it can get tough for you. i'm guessing he got used to you helping him and he may assume you have nothing else to do. he may also be lonely and thinks of you as family. is there a way for you to find the number for a family member? maybe you could contact the county where you live. they have a lot of senior citizen programs that he could use.everything from taking him to the doc to just keeping him company. it's worth a shot. you don't have to discard him at all but he'll have to realize that he is going to need more help than you can provide. another thing , are there any other neighbors who would be willing to help? maybe everyone could take turns during the week. you could make him kind of an adopted grandfather. good luck.
2007-04-19 03:04:50 · answer #4 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a fashion,she has it a sprint better than your commonplace sixty 4 12 months previous woman. provided that she has a situation that makes her domicile sure,she is eligible for the help of senior companies. she will organize to have somebody help her to get out of the domicile and meet human beings. She additionally might desire to seek for counseling for the emotional discomfort that her husband has brought about her. She's nonetheless youthful and with the properly suited help,she will probably lead a miles better existence than if that jerk had stayed. supply her a hug for me and tell her she's no longer on my own.
2016-12-29 09:32:47 · answer #5 · answered by kunich 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know dealing the elderly can sometimes be taxing i am a home health provider i love it i go to their homes clean,cook,shop and more then anything i listen to them and give them someone to count on.you might try contacting a local agency and see what they can do for him,if they do take him as a client you might try going with the person they hire for him and let them get comfortable with each other then quietly step out.good luck to you and your friend and remember we will all be in his place for one reason or another and he sounds more lonely then mad about not seeing you ......
2007-04-19 02:02:13 · answer #6 · answered by patbgone 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call the toll free number for the aging. He'll be assigned a case worker if he decides to cooperate.
2007-04-19 00:54:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋