I worked with a girl for a year and we became very close. We clicked straight away when we first met. However, about a month after she left my workplace I found out that she was actually bisexual and had admitted to one of my colleagues that she had feelings for me.
I became extremely freaked out by this and started to think of ways I might have encouraged her. I did flirt with her quite a lot, but I flirt with lots of people. I wouldn't have done so if I'd have known she was attracted to me.
So I stopped contacting her and when she contacted me I would be very offish so as not to give her the wrong impression. I haven't told her that I know she has feelings for me. I think she may have guessed that I know though, because she has stopped contacting me now.
Do you think I treated her badly by ignoring her? I feel guilty because we were good friends and I did like her. She was very sweet and always there for me, and i feel like I've been quite horrible to her.
2007-04-18 23:59:09 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
you have,contact her and say sorry but let her know you're friends unless youwant more
2007-04-19 00:02:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know I think honesty is the basis of all good relationships. Also, keeping someone's trust is extremely important IMO. I wonder what the intention was of the person who passed on that information to you? Oh well. Anyway it seems to me that she "harbored a crush" but never did anything to act upon it with you. She kept her boundries intact, and perhaps she even knew you were straight. Nevertheless it seems to me that even if she felt this way, it was not like she was trying to "jump your bones" or act inappropriately. Let me give you a situation in my own life. I am a lesbian. My business partner is a "straight male" We have worked together for over a year now, and it recently came out that he had romantic feelings for me. I immediately, directly and concisely told him that while i love him as a friend, which I do, there never, ever would be anything romantic between us. Initially I felt uncomfortable, but I have evaluated it as "my problem" He has the right to feel the way he does, and I have the right to feel the way I do. Perhaps you could call her and say, "hey so and so, I want you to know something. It was passed on to me that you have feelings for me of a romantic/sexual nature. Is this true?" If she says yes, then you can say: " I like you. You are very sweet...basically how you described her above, "but I do not feel that way about you and it made me uncomfortable hearing this from a colleague." Only you can decide if you want to be friends, but when you set boundries it becomes much easier if they have respect for those boundries.
2007-04-19 01:00:12 · answer #2 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I answered a Y/A question which was posted by a Pervert. I told him he was helping spread HIV to innocent children who die after a blood transfusion. I reconcile my answer with my philosophy because I spoke the truth. Truth stands alone. Yes, I was rude, insensitive, mean, cruel, and hurtful. Because I know two innocent little children who died of HIV after receiving a blood transfusion. I have no patience with perverts. If I see another person treating someone badly, I decide if the treatment is justified. If not, I will side with the person being treated badly. How is that for answering your question exactly as asked? Have a great day.
2016-05-18 22:10:04 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how you reacted the way you did. We do this sometimes when we're put in a situation we've never been in before and don't know how to react. Try and reopen lines of communication with this girl if you still would like to be friends. Explain why you acted the way you did if you need to and didn't intend to heart her feelings, hopefully she will understand and if she doesn't well at least you tried to put it right. Don't forget she really started the ball rolling telling this person how she felt.about you and I hope that person didn't tell you,if this girl told her in confidence, I'd be more inclined to worry about what sort of person she is. I Hope it works out OK, tell her you take it as a compliment (well it is isn't it!). Best of luck.
2007-04-19 00:24:38 · answer #4 · answered by clara 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how would you have handled it if it had been a man that made it clear he fancied you? I suspect you'd have acted differently.
She was a good friend to you and I suspect you miss her company. Why not contact her, tell her the truth and said that you'd hate to have led her on but didn't know how to react. Say you were embarassed, you have no experience of bisexuality and just didn't know what to do. She'd probably welcome you contacting her and clearing the air and getting your friendship back on track again. And if she fancies you, so what? Make it clear that you're straight but, if you ever changed your mind, she'd be the first person you'd want to sleep with. Say it with a big grin. She'll understand and I suspect she won't make you feel uncomfortable again.
2007-04-19 01:31:25 · answer #5 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was a bit mean. If she was such a good friend, then you should have said I'm flattered but I'm not interested but love you as a friend. And then seen how it when. If she was ok with that, then you'd still have a really good friend. If she didn't then you could have eased of the contact from her to emphasise the point. Sounds like you didn't give her a chance to explain.
2007-04-19 00:08:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have treated her badly really as she hasn't tried any thing on with you, so she can clearly be trusted but still you have completely cut her off to the point where she no longer contacts you. get in touch with her and explain why you where offish with her chances are she'll be upset for a while that you never trusted her but eventually you will have your close friend back again. good luck
2007-04-20 08:33:14 · answer #7 · answered by chicfest81 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it does sound a little mean. everyone should have a chance to explain themselves but you didnt even give her that. for all you know she may not be bisexual but even if she was that doesnt mean you cant be friends. you should have talked to her not just all of a sudden ignore and be off with her. be honest you know you were a bit mean and feel a little guilty thats why you have asked this question. you are doubting what you did was right and so you should. you should appologise for being off with her and get your friendship back, thats if she still wants to know.good luck
2007-04-19 00:06:48 · answer #8 · answered by chris s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should apologies to her, whether you feel comfortable continuing any relationship with her. If your only intention was to act like you weren't interested, you went to far- understandable by the open minded. However, you should probably explain to her that by acting 'offish' you only meant to convey that you weren't gay, and didn't want a romantic or sexual relationship with her, and that you did not act that way because you were disgusted, hateful, homophobic of her.
Please apologies, you'll probably feel better.
-Alika613
2007-04-19 00:26:13 · answer #9 · answered by alika613 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It shouldn't matter what someones sexual preference is. If she was a good friend to you, you should accept her for who she is. So apparently you didn't think of her as a friend, and I'm sure you did treat her badly by ignoring her, would you want her to treat you that way , if the shoe was on the other foot
2007-04-19 00:05:50 · answer #10 · answered by rachie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, a friend is a friend... by asking this question now and still thinking about it - you know the answer. get in contact and explain that you felt a bit weird and also a bit hurt that she didn't tell you herself that she may have had feelings for you.
2007-04-19 00:03:00 · answer #11 · answered by Tiger01204 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋